Really need advice on social services and midwife

[Colee321]

My partner and I attended our 12 week appointment during which the midwife took an interest in my personal life and had asked if I had been I foster care previously I said yes which was from ages 4-7 I'm worried as apparently I might be flagged to social services now even though I'm 28 now! I'm also concerned about my father in law who hasn't had any convictions but was previously investigated for being innapropiate with a 12 year old girl,taking photos of underage women amongst other things should I mention this to my midwife and could this affect my baby even though he hasn't been convicted and he will never be left unsupervised ever with our baby

Jimmy Saville was never convicted.

YES YOU CAN! Grandparents have NO LEGAL RIGHTS to contact with their grandchildren. If he wants contact, tell him to take it to court - oh no, he wont do that because hes a sex offender!

The baby's DAD is the one who wants him to have contact THATS the issue

You are not even trying though. There has been lots of helpful advice, but you are set on ignoring all of it. Yes you should leave your partner. You should not have gotten pregnant with him with this shitshow as the backdrop. Then fight every step of the way. Do not acknowledge him as father, hope that he won't fight. Put every single obstacle you can in the way. If it was me, I would be moving very far away. What I would never do, is nothing. If your child is unfortunate enough to get abused by this person, you will want to be able to say you did every single thing in your power to protect them.

I am a Social Worker.
Even supervised contact with a sex offender is unsafe. They can still develop a relationship, groom a child and act inappropriately with a child in a room full of adults. A good SW would have serious concerns about your partner’s ability to assess risk and your child could be considered a risk of significant harm.

The fact that he has no convictions is of no consequence. Children have been removed from unconvicted sex offenders. From a criminal perspective, you have to prove guilt as ‘reasonable doubt’ which normally means clear evidence. From civil court perspective, the burden of proof is ‘balance of probabilities’ so a judgement of risk can be made much more easily. So the conviction issue is a red herring, there is enough evidence to infer risk.

Talk to your partner.

BTW, you should welcome a SS assessment, as they will help you make a plan to ensure your baby is safeguarded. I am sure you would want this.

How do you think it will go with SS if, not only do you have the unfortunate history of having been a Looked After Child, they already know he's been investigated but your response is 'well, I can't do anything about it, if I left, the baby's Dad would just let him see them anyhow'?

Compare that to 'I'm not comfortable with this and know they won't do anything to report or protect my baby, so I would very much appreciate help to move away before the baby is born - in addition, I will not put the father on the birth certificate so he cannot automatically demand contact where he will undoubtedly take my baby to see this awful man and his enabling family and I can therefore ensure that my baby is fully protected immediately'.

The first makes it more likely that your child will be placed in care for their own safety. The second makes it more likely that you will helped to fully protect your baby and not provide the creep with something to work towards, whether directly abusing your child or by gaining access to other people's children through parties, visits, picking up from school and suchlike.

Honestly how arrogant are you!🥲 Must be easy to sit behind a screen and judge someone elses life! I am trying I have stated multiple times in multiple posts that I'm going to speak to my midwife and to a solicitor to seek further advice. Not putting him on birth certificate and moving away will only buy some time then when he gets contact which he will and he will fight for he can take my child without me being there to his dad legally whether I have concerns or not so Honestly your advice idiotic.

As I've clearly stated in multiple posts I'm going to speak to my midwife and speak to a solicitor to seek further advice. I won't be moving anywhere either as that route is idiotic and only buys time and will put the child more at risk when he fights to get contact and visits his dad with our child legally and I won't be able to be there to supervise explain to me where is the common sense in that? Surely thats putting the child at risk of more abuse.

But a social worker has just told you that's not true. Why have you posted if you're not actually listening to any of the advice

So when he's acting inappropriately with your child in front of him during your child's supervised contact with a sex offender, will he react in the same way? Just go quiet and not do anything about it?

Because he doesn't care that he's done it with you

He will get contact through his son anyway so I genuinely don't understand what your trying to say here.

Says the woman who decided to bring a defenceless baby into this. I have been the child that went unprotected. I have never forgiven those who failed me and I never will. Many of your responses have been deeply worrying, especially your refusal to acknowledge that your partner is a threat to your child. I am not going to respond to you anymore, or read any responses on this thread because your attitude is disgusting. You are not interested in advice anyway

I don't understand why you're still with your partner what a pathetic spineless man he is to not speak up about his dad acting inappropriately with you, to actively WANT his child to see a sex offender and to be enabling and protecting him too.

How you have any respect for him or why you chose to have a baby with him I don't know 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hi Shirley thankyou so much for you message advice from a social worker I really appreciate I am going to contact my midwife and ask a solicitor too. I'll try and have a conversation with my partner again the last time we spoke about it I don't feel he understands the risk and said well sure the baby will never be left alone and that he doesn't think he will bother much with the baby anyway but I truly believe otherwise he is a predator.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm still upset about him not even mentioning touching me but you have to understand thats how that family works it's very dysfunctional they never speak about things. He does also understand what his dad has done is wrong I just think he's blinded because that's his parent and isn't aware of how much of a risk that is.

OP as a mother you have every right to decide what is best for your child. You are growing that baby and you will birth that baby, and your partner needs to stop putting pressure on you when his father clearly has a history of a pedo. I would not allow any contact with your FIL regardless of convictions. Protect your child and stand your ground with your partner. My aunties husband was like this and my mum use to take me to her house after school all the time and he would make comments on the size of my boobs or how big my bum is and slap it 'jokingly' and now that I'm older I realise just how damaging it was for me and why I was ever put in the company of a man like that. My SIL was also abused as a child by her aunties husband where no one suspected. You know your FIL has a bad history so the decision shouldn't be hard OP

@Colee321

did you see my earlier post?

Can you not see the real issue here ? Ultimately if you do not protect your baby from this family, social services will protect them by removing the baby from you.

I am really sorry you have been that unprotected child. I have been too and so has my two siblings who are still in therapy to this day. Anything I explain something you just find another thing to mention. My partner isn't a risk to this baby at all it's his dad. I am interested in advice and have taken alot in from this the whole point of making this thread was for that unfortunately yours won't be one though. God bless and I genuinely hope you heal

As I've said I'm going to speak to my midwife and speak to a solicitor

My partner isn't a risk to this baby at all it's his dad.

Your partner denies, ignores, excuses and faults to address his father's inappropriate behaviour even when it's aimed towards you and witnessed by his sibling.

That means he is a risk to the baby. Not directly in that he would abuse them, but that he is completely incapable of protecting them from abuse based on his past and present behaviour as regards his dad.

Same goes for his whole family.

And fails to address, this was meant to say.

I didn't see her post until after

I really feel for you OP.
Your DP and the rest of the family are also unfortunately victims of his father's abuse because they won't or can't stand up to his behaviour.
I wouldn't rely on not naming him on the birth certificate and then not bothering to fight for PR in the courts because as you say if he does then you will have no control over FIL's access. At least if you are there you will retain some control as I am sure you will not be allowing your child out of your arms although it's going to get more difficult as they get older.
You have been given some good advice from social workers on here but we have also seen at least one post where a mother in this situation who has been unable to protect her children from a paedophile because social services won't act.
You do need to get Social services involved and hopefully they will act. You also have to somehow try and convince your partner that in saying nothing and refusing to believe the allegations he may be putting his own child in danger - no you shouldn't have to but you do. Maybe as some posters say SS will have evidence that might convince him.
If your DP agrees that any access to his father has to be supervised then he must deep down think that there is something in it and is probably scared of breaking the family dynamic. If his brother has also seen inappropriate behaviour than this might be the way to break through.
If he won't agree to no contact then to protect your DC you are tied to your DP until your FIL dies.
I don't envy you and I don't agree with the advice of some of the posters on here
telling you to move away or not allowing PR as you can't guarantee that it will work. If it did I would say go for it.
I hope you can work it out.

Not if you tell the midwife and she raises it’s as a safeguarding concern.

Also, just to repeat - don’t put the name of your child’s father on the birth certificate.