Really need advice on social services and midwife

[Colee321]

My partner and I attended our 12 week appointment during which the midwife took an interest in my personal life and had asked if I had been I foster care previously I said yes which was from ages 4-7 I'm worried as apparently I might be flagged to social services now even though I'm 28 now! I'm also concerned about my father in law who hasn't had any convictions but was previously investigated for being innapropiate with a 12 year old girl,taking photos of underage women amongst other things should I mention this to my midwife and could this affect my baby even though he hasn't been convicted and he will never be left unsupervised ever with our baby

He doesn't have a right to take his child to someone you BOTH consider to be a sex offender. I'd be really concerned about having a child with this man OP, although obviously it's too late for that now

Another post where the man's feelings come before protecting the child
🙈

Your FIL has no legal rights to access of your child. I think you have to be very firm about this.
Not being convicted doesn't mean he's safe around children

Your FIL doesn't have any legal right to your child. If your DP is insisting then you have a much bigger problem and need to protect your child from both your FIL and your DP

Your partner might have parental responsibility (if he accompanies you to the registry office and you put him on the birth certificate) but that doesn't mean he has the right to allow your child to have contact with a man you know is a sex offender.

For me, it would be an over-my-dead-body issue. I would leave and take my child with me if the FIL ever turned up. I would also not allow my partner to take my child away on his own if I thought there was any chance he might meet up with the FIL.

Your FIL being allowed contact with your child is exactly the kind of thing that will raise a red flag to social services.

This is the start of a lifetime of making difficult decisions and causing conflict in the name of advocating for your child. You are responsible for their welfare and over the years there will be many situations that are uncomfortable but you need to deal with to protect your child. Your baby is not safe around your FIL and as the mother you need to take control and not allow it. Screw what your partner thinks.

It is a safeguarding concern if you don’t protect your child. Although I have a feeling you’re not going to discuss this with your midwife.
You having been in foster care will be noted on your record but won’t affect your care.

Assuming you are unmarried by use of partner then actually no he doesn’t have rights.
The man may still be a sex offender and a risk to your child even if no conviction.
Your priority is your child. Please speak to your midwife.

Simply don’t put your partner on the child’s birth certificate. Then he can’t make irresponsible decisions. I’d say no contact at all with the grandfather.

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility

He’s not really your father in law if you’re not married. I just wouldn’t t put him on the certificate.

Of course it is up to you. I would not allow this at all.

If your partner is not married to you then the man you refer to is not your father in law in any sense. Either way, he does not have any right to access your child.

Underage women is my mistake I worded it completely wrong! I'm unsure how old they were. I am very aware to safeguard my baby that's why I am posting this and for it to be supervised at all times.

You might feel like your hands are tied, but as people are explaining, they are not. Your partner wants to endanger your child. Seriously, have a think about that. Your partner wants to endanger your child, so you are going to let him. Fucking insanity!

As I mentioned he has never been convicted for anything hence why LEGALLY I cannot stop contact.

The fact you were in care will not flag you up to SS. It's very likely she is just looking to see what support you have in terms of your family and also what support you may need (if, for instance, you had a difficult childhood - you'd be surprised how much being a parent opens up a lot of old wounds).

As for your baby and contact with your FIL, you absolutely do get to make the decision. My MIL's partner has a history of child sexual offences. When it came to light, I drew a line in the sand and said absolutely no contact ever with either of our dc, not supervised, not even in the same room at family Christmas, we do not go to their house even if he's out in the garden or garage, nothing. I also said that dc would have no contact with MIL until she got some mental health support and was willing to support the boundaries we had put in place.

Dh wasn't thrilled with any of it initially. Not because he gives a toss about MIL's partner, but he's a people pleaser and will do anything to not draw attention to himself or cause a fuss. I said, too bad, this is what's going to happen going forward. You can support me in this decision and we move forward as a united front and keep our dc safe. Or you can walk if you don't like it and I'll do everything I can from a legal perspective to make sure they are kept safe and still have NC with MIL/partner. He eventually came around to standing up to them. Many years since we continue to be NC with MIL's partner and MIL only have very supervised contact and we're all happy with that.

OP, read this again
your partner will have no parental rights UNLESS you put him on the BC

He is showing you right now that he will put his dad's feelings above the safety of your baby.

'Supervised contact' is a slippery slope and as others have said abusers can abuse right under the noses of other adults in the room.
Don't take the risk.
WRT you being fostered, I'm wondering why that was and whether the cause might have left you without a strong sense of how adults should protect children?
(I'm only saying it might, I'm aware there could be lots of reasons, just something for you to reflect on)

Nonsense. Yes you can and if you are not going to, you are endangering your child. Your biggest job is to protect that baby, do it and do it right.

Of course you can legally stop contact! You are free to determine who has contact with your child and who doesn't. Especially if the person who wants contact is known by you to be a risk to children.

I am very aware to safeguard my baby that's why I am posting this and for it to be supervised at all times

You don't seem to understand that allowing your child supervised contact with someone you believe to be a sex offender against children is NOT safeguarding

I am not going to let anyone abuse my child for starters I came here for advice on what I can do. Legally I cannot stop my partner taking my child even we split to see him as he has never been convicted so yes my hands are very much tied.

You can’t guarantee supervision though? Especially in a few years if you split. What he does with dc when he has them is up to him.
I’d be thinking very carefully about giving parental rights to a man who isn’t prioritising his baby.

So will I raise Concerns with my midwife then? Will social services stop a man seeing a child that has no convictions?That family has stood by him all these years? Because I have concerns but no evidence to back it up???