Really need advice on social services and midwife

[Colee321]

My partner and I attended our 12 week appointment during which the midwife took an interest in my personal life and had asked if I had been I foster care previously I said yes which was from ages 4-7 I'm worried as apparently I might be flagged to social services now even though I'm 28 now! I'm also concerned about my father in law who hasn't had any convictions but was previously investigated for being innapropiate with a 12 year old girl,taking photos of underage women amongst other things should I mention this to my midwife and could this affect my baby even though he hasn't been convicted and he will never be left unsupervised ever with our baby

Im a solicitor and you have had good advice from social workers here .
It’s my understanding that you previously being in care is always a flag , but that in itself is normally not a huge concern , unless other parts of your life are also a concern ( if you where homeless, convictions , drug use , MH issues etc )
I am a bit worried about you FIL previous issues and they may scrutinise you more if they don’t think you can protect your child , so my advise here is that FIL has no contact at all because it’s not worth the risk .
The hard line they can possibly take is If they think your partner will not follow this true ( or whatever they see as safe, they may agree with a visit but worth with SS in this ) then they may consider him a risk to the child too and that is what you need to be concerned about because it can pretty much mean the end of your relationship either you want it or not .
This is worst case scenario but it’s there so you should be aware . If they don’t believe you can follow true with whatever safety measure they deem needed then the child’s safety is paramount and they can and will be taken the baby into care .
I’m not in any way telling you this in judgement or to upset you , but because you need to be aware .
Hugs and I do hope your partner realises the baby is more important than his father .

UPDATE*

Rang and spoke to on duty social worker and she explained due to him having no convictions there isn't anything they can do. So a massive thankyou to all those lovely messages slandering me saying otherwise much appreciated 😊

I contacted a social worker today and because he has NO convictions there isn't anything they can do. So yes conviction does mean alot.

Hi Colee321 - I’d be concerned that your partner has no beliefs in his Dads behaviour - this is the issue - as we know sexual abuse can be rife in families - it’s concerning your partner is in denial. Has he been abused - he may not tell you - is he going to be safe around your child - he may have been testing your reaction when he told you - I can see you want to protect your child - you are in a dilemma - yes speak to your mid wife - that’s great you contacted social services - it’s interesting how a social worker above gave a different response. Maybe you could private message the poster for some advice in how to get it raised.
I would be vigilant with your partner - why does he not want to protect his child -
id ask the midwives if there are any agencies that can support you going forward. Good luck

I’m sorry but why are you with someone who thinks it’s appropriate to take their dad who is a creep over their partner and child’s side ? Does it not make you not want to be with him ? I get it’s his dad but how can he even want any type of relationship with him? I’d be moving to the other side of the country before I let his dad anywhere near my child .

@Colee321 SS/family courts operate on a different level of proof than the police. They don't require a conviction to make a decision that someone shouldn't see a child/be unsupervised.

I know this because it's happened to a friend of mine.

So it's worth speaking to SS and looking into any options you might be able to take.

@Colee321 I'm disappointed that a SW told you that. Trying to save themselves work I guess. It isn't the case. I reckon this is worth taking to the family court, however someone does that.

But I suppose that would probably mean separating from your partner (which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.)

You’re FIL is a peadophile, Whether or not he’s been convicted is irrelevant.

I’m seriously concerned about your husbands seeming lack of judgement and apologist leaning tendencies.

I give it six months before you find out he’s allowed him unsupervised access.

@Colee321

I assume your priority is protect your baby, including if necessary from their own father.
one of your posts implied that the wider family might do something.
Do you believe that you are also in danger?

If you truly believe that this man is a danger to your child and has committed offences, then your partner is complicit in those crimes.

So its down to you, you have 6 months before the baby is born so put your plans in place now. Do you live together - if so move out, go to family or friends, they will give you a level of protection.
If your partner or his family threaten you, go to a womens refuge, contact the police.
Consider contacting women’s aid now. You are not powerless.

Colee

I think there is an angle where you can protect your child. As someone said further up going through the family courts you can get a civil court order stopping this man from seeing your child. A civil order is not based on a conviction, It's done on a much lower level.
This is something you would need to instigate. I don't think ss would help as like you said he's not been convinced.
I've managed to protect my own children through the family courts and through having a civil order in place. Please send me a pm and I will explain it more. But honestly don't think there is nothing that can be done because he's not been convinced .
The other issue is the rest of his family, does your DH intend to leave your child with family members ? If they don't believe the allegations they are also not safe people as they will not be able to put your child's needs first by safeguarding them.

This is something you would need to instigate. I don't think ss would help as like you said he's not been convinced.

They can in this instance and should. My friend was in an abusive relationship and got her child taken off her without a conviction, and they said even if she's found not guilty of anything, she'll never get her son back.

Well I was speaking to a social worker today and she honestly said there is nothing they can do as he actually hasn't been convicted of anything in the eyes of the law it's innocent until proven guilty

Thankyou so much for this sent you a pm

You can definitely try the family court thing to prevent contact with someone (it's not a criminal investigation and you don't necessarily need SS back up) without the person having a conviction. I don't know how it works esp with a grandparent. You need to seek advice rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-family-court-process/

@Colee321

It was like listening to a parrot reading your posts.

I wish you good luck I am sure everything will be okay.

Ffs

OP whether this man has been convicted or not, whether he’s a pervert or a squeaky clean vicar, if you do not want someone around your children then that is final!

in the kindest way possible you are about to become a mother. You are there to protect this baby! The second you allow your FIL near your baby then imo you’re putting your baby at risk. Stop putting your other half’s feelings above your child. It doesn’t matter whether he was convicted or not, you’re allowed to say no! No smoke without fire…

You need to put your foot down with your partner and say you and your child will not be having ANY contact with FIL. He groped you in front of others. Your partner knows this. Why would he want his partner or his child to be in danger of being groped?

If he can't accept this then you may need help to exit the relationship.

Maybe contact women's aid to see if they can help.

@Colee321

It's interesting that the social worker has told you that. I know of multiple cases over the years where the absolute opposite is the case. Sarah's law disclosures can and do share intelligence even in the absence of convictions or even attempts at prosecution.
It does sound you have obtained the view that supports your unwillingness or inability to be assertive and ensure this man is not within a country mile of your child.
They won't be safe with him. And actually their vulnerability to abuse is greater now you have decided you are powerless.
There isn't a social worker I have worked with in 3 decades that would give the advice you say you have been given.
Maybe get in touch with the Lucy Faithful Foundation and talk to them about the risk of offenders who haven't been convicted but they won't tell you what you want to hear.

I’m sorry but I think you were given the wrong advice . Working within the family court , that’s not something any SS I know would say .

Really well that was the advice I was given so well and truly believe it would you like me to pm the number and you can speak directly to her? I will contact Lucy faithful but I'm sure they don't have as much power as ss do.

Yes we spoke last night he was angry I called ss and he said he can protect our child and how this will make his life so much harder and that I will always do what I want anyway. I told him no contact or I will leave and put every court order humanly possible down and continue to ring ss at every opportunity to ensure that man never has any contact

With respect OP, social workers on this thread have told you that what the social worker said to you is highly unusual. So have people who have been in similar situations to you.

Id your doctor said something about a health concern of yours and then multiple acquaintances who are doctors said it didn't sound right / that doctor hasn't followed the processes they would expect, wouldn't you ask for a second opinion from a second doctor in real life to check if what the first one said is correct?

Surely you can ask for a second opinion from someone else in the social worker's team? Ask to speak to someone more senior (calmly but firmly) to help you understand the decision and talk through any other options?

Rather than just taking the word of one solitary person about something so important.

I think the answer @Colee321 got depends a lot on what question was asked

You need to speak to your midwife and get proper legal advice. Your post almost reads as ta da there’s nothing I can do. It obviously depends on what was asked and is a complex situation - far beyond one phone call. Your bf reaction is worrying, he’s not supportive at all.

Agreed.