Page 11 | Really need advice on social services and midwife

Colee321 · 2022-11-23T12:18:37+00:00

My partner and I attended our 12 week appointment during which the midwife took an interest in my personal life and had asked if I had been I foster care previously I said yes which was from ages 4-7 I'm worried as apparently I might be flagged to social services now even though I'm 28 now! I'm also concerned about my father in law who hasn't had any convictions but was previously investigated for being innapropiate with a 12 year old girl,taking photos of underage women amongst other things should I mention this to my midwife and could this affect my baby even though he hasn't been convicted and he will never be left unsupervised ever with our baby

Original poster

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 17:48

Dixiechickonhols · 29/11/2022 14:10

You need to speak to your midwife and get proper legal advice. Your post almost reads as ta da there’s nothing I can do. It obviously depends on what was asked and is a complex situation - far beyond one phone call. Your bf reaction is worrying, he’s not supportive at all.

Well if you actually read the post that I said I spoke to my partner last night about it and give him an ultimatum and he has now agreed to no contact honestly I'm so sick of the rude judgmental comments.

OP posts:

Original poster

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 17:54

monsteramunch · 29/11/2022 13:16

With respect OP, social workers on this thread have told you that what the social worker said to you is highly unusual. So have people who have been in similar situations to you.

Id your doctor said something about a health concern of yours and then multiple acquaintances who are doctors said it didn't sound right / that doctor hasn't followed the processes they would expect, wouldn't you ask for a second opinion from a second doctor in real life to check if what the first one said is correct?

Surely you can ask for a second opinion from someone else in the social worker's team? Ask to speak to someone more senior (calmly but firmly) to help you understand the decision and talk through any other options?

Rather than just taking the word of one solitary person about something so important.

The on Duty social worker actually spoke to her manager. No social workers have stated that in the comments that I'm aware of? Did you read the comment about the woman was was in a similar situation to mine and she couldnt do anything due to no conviction???????
He has now agreed to no contact anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 17:57

Wiluli · 29/11/2022 11:11

I’m sorry but I think you were given the wrong advice . Working within the family court , that’s not something any SS I know would say .

I don't think I was given the wrong advice as if you would read previous posts about women in a similar situation has said the same. Infact she told me that with conviction they would set up supervised visits if it enlined with bail conditions

OP posts:

monsteramunch · 29/11/2022 18:04

ShirleyHolmes · 23/11/2022 17:51

I am a Social Worker.
Even supervised contact with a sex offender is unsafe. They can still develop a relationship, groom a child and act inappropriately with a child in a room full of adults. A good SW would have serious concerns about your partner’s ability to assess risk and your child could be considered a risk of significant harm.

The fact that he has no convictions is of no consequence. Children have been removed from unconvicted sex offenders. From a criminal perspective, you have to prove guilt as ‘reasonable doubt’ which normally means clear evidence. From civil court perspective, the burden of proof is ‘balance of probabilities’ so a judgement of risk can be made much more easily. So the conviction issue is a red herring, there is enough evidence to infer risk.

Talk to your partner.

Here you go OP.

monsteramunch · 29/11/2022 18:05

Inthedeepdarkwood · 23/11/2022 15:30

Just a bit of advice from a children’s social worker. Children’s Services have a different burden of proof to the police. Convictions don’t matter. If there is a suspicion that someone is a risk to a child, it’s irrelevant whether they were convicted, as victims often refuse to cooperate with the police/the CPS don’t think there is a good chance of conviction, etc. What I’m saying is, you saying that ‘legally’ you have no leg to stand on isn’t true. You can stop anyone seeing your child if you feel they are a risk and Children’s Services and the family court would likely support this

And another one.

GreyCarpet · 29/11/2022 18:05

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 17:57

I don't think I was given the wrong advice as if you would read previous posts about women in a similar situation has said the same. Infact she told me that with conviction they would set up supervised visits if it enlined with bail conditions

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With a grandparent?

They might jump through hoops to facilitate contact with a parent but grandparents have no rights/responsibilities to see their grandchildren.

You can literally just say, "No contact for you!" And there's nothing they can do about it.

monsteramunch · 29/11/2022 18:10

No social workers have stated that in the comments that I'm aware of?

I've just shared a couple of examples of social workers who explained the relevance of / absence of convictions in cases like this. Maybe you missed them?

Certainly worth pursuing these avenues as while you say your partner has agreed to the baby not having contact with his dad, this is unlikely to be the case in the long term.

And I certainly wouldn't be counting on loyalty and good decision making from a man who wasn't furious with his father for the bra strap incident, who didn't automatically raise it with him and make it clear it was completely unacceptable and disgusting. He really, really let you down with that.

Wiluli · 29/11/2022 18:10

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 17:57

I don't think I was given the wrong advice as if you would read previous posts about women in a similar situation has said the same. Infact she told me that with conviction they would set up supervised visits if it enlined with bail conditions

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Not to grandparents , they have nil rights in the life of a newborn and even if involved in the child life rarely are given any rights . From my perspective and I think a midwife and SS might have the same one , knowing there a potential issue and failing to report it to I’ll just mean you are failing to protect her/he . The fact your partner can’t even realise his father can be a danger is a huge red flag in itself . The fact you know it’s aprovem and still wary with him is another red flag .

monsteramunch · 29/11/2022 18:11

I don't think I was given the wrong advice as if you would read previous posts about women in a similar situation has said the same. Infact she told me that with conviction they would set up supervised visits if it enlined with bail conditions

This was about a parent with a conviction surely, not a grandparent?

Ted27 · 29/11/2022 18:13

@Colee321

I think one of the big things you need to get straight in your own mind is around right and responsibilities

The only person who has rights in this is your unborn baby - who has the right to safety.

It is your responsibiity to keep your child safe.

Grandparents do not have any rights with regard to your baby.

Dixiechickonhols · 29/11/2022 18:17

Not rude or judgemental. I’ve very patiently explained parental responsibility legislation to you with links and recommended you get legal advice. Your bf hadn’t agreed to your request as per last update instead he was berating you for calling ss. I’ll bow out now.

ShirleyHolmes · 29/11/2022 19:12

@monsteramunch

Thank you.

OP,I reiterate what I said. You were wrongly advised by the Social Worker. Indeed , she may have been a contact officer or similar; often the first point of contact in SS departments. Either way, she was wrong.

FYI, I have 18 years experience as a qualified SW in child protection and court work. Please take heed OP, it is crucial you safeguard your child.

Original poster

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 20:08

Dixiechickonhols · 29/11/2022 18:17

Not rude or judgemental. I’ve very patiently explained parental responsibility legislation to you with links and recommended you get legal advice. Your bf hadn’t agreed to your request as per last update instead he was berating you for calling ss. I’ll bow out now.

I have got legal advice and that solicitor told me the exact same thing the social worker did. He was angry I called them but yes he did agree to no contact while we discussed it.

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Original poster

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 20:09

ShirleyHolmes · 29/11/2022 19:12

@monsteramunch

Thank you.

OP,I reiterate what I said. You were wrongly advised by the Social Worker. Indeed , she may have been a contact officer or similar; often the first point of contact in SS departments. Either way, she was wrong.

FYI, I have 18 years experience as a qualified SW in child protection and court work. Please take heed OP, it is crucial you safeguard your child.

Thankyou I appreciate your advice. He has agreed no contact I just want to enjoy my pregnancy if that changes further down the line I will call social services again and try another solicitor

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ShirleyHolmes · 29/11/2022 20:15

That’s good news OP. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy your baby.

chella2 · 30/11/2022 03:56

It's good that he's agreed to no contact.

It's worrying that he was more concerned about how no contact would make life more difficult for him. Is it easier for him to allow his partner or child to be assaulted than to say no to his father?

The father may have been abusive in other ways. It sounds like your partner is scared of displeasing him. A very dysfunctional family dynamic.

I hope now your partner will be able to break free of it for the sake of his own little family.

KettrickenSmiled · 30/11/2022 09:14

Yes we spoke last night he was angry I called ss and he said he can protect our child and how this will make his life so much harder
I expect he will 'protect' your child like he 'protected' you from the bra-twanging incident.
i.e. do fuck-all about it, privately admit to you that he knows it's out of order, still do fuck-all about it, then expect you to rock up & play happy families with the old letch.

And note how his thoughts go directly to himself.
How DARE he be angry about this?
How DARE he moan that you taking steps to protect your CHILD make HIS life harder?

He is living in a sea of denial & minimising, & once your baby is born, his family will start applying pressure & he will cave to it. Because he is incapable of standing up to his family, or standing up for you. What makes you think he will suddenly be able to stand up for your child?

Cw112 · 02/12/2022 21:53

Colee321 · 29/11/2022 20:09

Thankyou I appreciate your advice. He has agreed no contact I just want to enjoy my pregnancy if that changes further down the line I will call social services again and try another solicitor

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That's really positive that he's agreed no contact OP, and I think even though he's probably annoyed it's really good that he sees how strongly you feel about this and how seriously you will take it, you've definitely done the right thing in being direct with him. Fingers crossed he starts to put you and baby first and respects your decision as his Co parent. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy