Really need advice on social services and midwife

[Colee321]

My partner and I attended our 12 week appointment during which the midwife took an interest in my personal life and had asked if I had been I foster care previously I said yes which was from ages 4-7 I'm worried as apparently I might be flagged to social services now even though I'm 28 now! I'm also concerned about my father in law who hasn't had any convictions but was previously investigated for being innapropiate with a 12 year old girl,taking photos of underage women amongst other things should I mention this to my midwife and could this affect my baby even though he hasn't been convicted and he will never be left unsupervised ever with our baby

Never, ever let that man anywhere near your children.

My partner has told me about the things over the years some of which he only found out from other people outside of the family. Firsthand I have seen how innapropiate he can be as he began pulling on the back of my bra one evening earlier in the year. I wasn't there for any of things he has been accused of doing cause I sure as hell would be straight to police if I seen him taking photos of teens in tesco etc but his sister never reported it neither did his wife which I only found out a few weeks ago

I can't understand why it doesn't bother you that your partner is willing to put your child at risk.
Why did you get pregnant by someone you know supports a sex offender?

You sound like you care more about your partner than your child. You are not willing to do what needs to be done to protect your child.

I don't understand all the comments telling OP to 'simply' not put him on the BC so he doesn't have PR - yes, that might buy some time but am I right in thinking he could then apply himself? Even if OP disputed it, a DNA test would overcome that?

Then you have every right to feel concerned - as does your midwife.
She is doing her job properly in taking this up. Your historic fostering has no relevance - it's just background - but your partner's idiocy in wanting contact with FiL is a giant red flag for SS.

However - YOU have done nothing wrong.
Just engage fully with your midwife & SS, & make sure you follow their advice, not your partner's wishes.

Yes you have - he's been investigated, there is a formal record of his activities.

What did your partner say about his dad doing this to your bra?!

How was this bit a massive deal, especially with your partner knowing the previous accusations against his dad.

So when he heard / saw what his dad did, what did he say?

Did he tell you not to make a fuss? Say 'he was just joking'? Say you took it the wrong way?

I just wanted to say supervision isn't enough. I was touched in the middle of a room with my parents there. You would never be able to leave the room without them, which will get harder as the child gets older and wants some independence. What about potential cameras in bathrooms?

Contact your midwife and arrange an appointment (just you no partner) to talk about the situation. This could be by phone. Your concern is valid and will be helped.

I'm interested too in what your DP said in response to his dad touching your bra. Did he stick up for you or was it swept under the carpet because they all know "that's just what his dad is like".

When are you going to see this straight OP?

YOUR PARTNER IS THE ISSUE.
He reckons it's just dandy to socialise with a paedophile, & is pushing you to comply. "Supervised" contact - my arse. NO contact is the only way forward.

Do not put your partner on the birth cert.
Do not given your baby his surname - stick with your own.
Talk to your midwife, tell her what your partner is planning, & ask for SS to intervene.

Absolutely not true. Do you think really SS only help with safeguarding if someone's been convicted?

Sounds like it will only be a good thing for social services to get involved with you. I hope they do.

Baby isn’t even here yet and you are already failing them.

You know that this man should never be around your child, ever. Why aren’t you more bothered about protecting your baby than upsetting your partner? Does not matter if he hasn’t been convicted, not at all.

It’s a possibility that any of those people that told your partner end up could disclosing to ss (maybe because they get worried your child has contact) and if ss find out you knew about it they’ll throw the book at you!

Just a bit of advice from a children’s social worker. Children’s Services have a different burden of proof to the police. Convictions don’t matter. If there is a suspicion that someone is a risk to a child, it’s irrelevant whether they were convicted, as victims often refuse to cooperate with the police/the CPS don’t think there is a good chance of conviction, etc. What I’m saying is, you saying that ‘legally’ you have no leg to stand on isn’t true. You can stop anyone seeing your child if you feel they are a risk and Children’s Services and the family court would likely support this

Completely sympathise. I'm in a similar situation a few years down the road.
Now divorced and have joint custody with exH. He's now built a relationship with his dad and is more relaxed on leaving our dc alone with him.

I've been to police and countless lawyers and as my exFIL doesn't have a criminal conviction I can do nothing to stop contact

How exactly am I failing my baby how dare you!! when I'm taking steps to find out what I can do further? As I've stated before my FIL HASNT BEEN CONVICTED of any crime and those who told me about the things he has done are the ones standing by his side and enabling the behaviour so i doubt very much they will be reporting him anytime soon!!!! Even if I report my concerns there is no evidence other than the one investigation that was years ago so its my word against the whole family! So please enlighten me on what I should do? Shall I leave my partner so my FIL can have unsupervised contact with my child without me being there? He's fully legal to do so and that's what will happen!!!!

Nonsense. Yes you can and if you are not going to, you are endangering your child. Your biggest job is to protect that baby, do it and do it right.

@Snugglemonkey and how would she go about doing that then?

THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I am so sorry you had to go through this too I've been trying to explain to others in the chat if there is no conviction there is no crime!

@Colee321 you really need to read peoples posts as many of us have given you really good advice as well as answering the questions you've asked once again in your last post.

Practically though many men can’t be bothered doing this. It takes time, money and effort to apply to court. It’s not automatically granted. Even if he did apply then it would buy Op more time eg to make enquiries with police/ss and to establish principle that the baby wasn’t seeing this man.

THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I am so sorry you had to go through this too I've been trying to explain to others in the chat if there is no conviction there is no crime!

Scroll back one page OP.
A social worker PP has taken the trouble to give you excellent advice about why your "no conviction" obsession is a red herring. You don't NEED a conviction. You need SS on your team, you need to disclose everything to them, & you need to do exactly as they tell you.

You also need to do a Sarah's law request.

Yes I have read all of the posts I appreciate all of the advice unfortunately alot of people don't seem to understand how the law works unfortunately no conviction no crime ss will not do anything and will not stop contact with my FIL. I will contact my midwife and speak to a solicitor and try speaking to my partner again

@Colee321 it really really sucks. I've made myself ill with the whole situation.
I think the best you can hope for is 100% supervised contact and I really hope your relationship works out.
It's hell on earth knowing my ex can leave dc with his dad. I've done absolutely everything I can think of to stop it.

Police attitude and advice from lawyer is that unless he has a criminal record there's no evidence so it's me accusing an "innocent" man as it was fully investigated and not enough evidence to convict

Also ... although it's up to you & you don't owe any of us an response - it's interesting that you've chosen not to update about how your partner responded to the bra-twang incident.

It that because it's embarrassing & depressing? Because he minimised it, told you you were 'too sensitive', & shut down your concerns?
It's quite predictable OP - his whole family does it. They'd rather pretend FiL isn't a nonce, & shut down his victims. That will include you, & your child.

I think a qualified social worker knows exactly how the law - & more importantly, their safeguarding protocols outside of legal process - works in this regard OP.

Why are you insisting you know better?