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Original poster

BF is insecure and needy - can it work?

164 replies

sarahlouis · 20/11/2022 12:20

He adores me and I genuinely believe that he’d do anything for me, as he’s made me his number one priority above everything else in his life. But he is so needy and gets jealous over the slightest thing.

Last night we went out with my friend and her partner for a meal. We’d all had a few drinks and were joking around and having banter. The subject somehow turned to body hair and my friend was pointing out that her partner has lots of chest hair and that he shaves it. I said that there’s no need to shave his chest, and added that I like a man with chest hair. My bf gave me the daggers and it caused a huge argument when we got back to my place. He was accusing me of fancying my friends partner which is not the case at all. My bf has chest hair so I didn't see what the issue was.

Other examples include him getting jealous of me speaking to other men at work, and him asking whether they’re hitting on me.

He came to my house the other day and there was a bowl with 2 forks on the coffee table and he was questioning why there was 2. I said you think I’ve had someone here don’t you? He completely denied it but I just knew.

I have a demanding job and a young child. He says he feels like a weekend boyfriend but I can’t do anything about that.

Its such a shame cos he can be so lovely and supportive. I just feel like his behaviour is too needy.

Any advice?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 20/11/2022 12:21

nah its only going to get worse

Oblomov22 · 20/11/2022 12:25

Nope. I wouldn't entertain having a relationship with him. His neediness would drive me nutty.

Notaboutthebass · 20/11/2022 12:26

Omg, imagine if you saw him in the week too? Not worth the hassell.

wp65 · 20/11/2022 12:28

Christ! Get rid.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/11/2022 12:30

No. Bin this one. His 'reasons' for jealousy are pathetic - two forks, FFS? Don't put up with this nonsense.

If you won't ditch him (and you really should), tell him to leave every time he tries it. Every time. There is no need to indulge him.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/11/2022 12:30

Dump. Now. It's going to end up with you going nowhere and seeing no-one and having to justify something as petty as the amount of cutlery and crockery you have out - oh wait, it already is. Petty, controlling, jealous and insecure.

Ivyonafence · 20/11/2022 12:32

Jealous and unreasonable- give up on him it will only get worse.

Read up on 'love bombing' as well, regarding him making you his number one priority above all else. Why would he do that? You don't live together, and your priority is presumably your child. That's too much for this stage in the relationship. That's not a good thing, he should have his own life as you do and not make you responsible for making him feel secure.

Unbridezilla · 20/11/2022 12:33

This relationship will tip into coercive control very easily, if it hasn't already. Leave.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/11/2022 12:33

Other examples include him getting jealous of me speaking to other men at work, and him asking whether they’re hitting on me

Huge, HUGE red flag. Next it'll be pressure on you not to work because that mean you going out and seeing men.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 20/11/2022 12:36

This isn't neediness, it's abusive, controlling behaviour.

Original poster
sarahlouis · 20/11/2022 12:39

I told him that he needs to seek help for his insecurities because his behaviour is becoming controlling, so he went to the GP who prescribed him with antidepressants. I told him that antidepressants wouldn’t help with the way he was, and he said that I’m putting him down.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 20/11/2022 12:40

There’s insecurity, and there’s controlling behaviour. This is the latter. Get rid, it will get worse not better…

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/11/2022 12:45

I told him that antidepressants wouldn’t help with the way he was, and he said that I’m putting him down

Everything's going to be your fault, OP. The fact that he's insecure, controlling, is on APs, you 'put him down'....this is going to be one of the sticks he beats you with. Is that what you want in a relationship? I mean, quite apart from insecure, he sounds whiny. Ugh.

Mabelface · 20/11/2022 12:52

Oh, get rid of this one. He's even jealous of the time you spend with your child. He really needs to go as it's only going to get worse.

Singleandproud · 20/11/2022 12:52

I'd be moving on sharpish, it's controlling and its only a matter of time before he is jealous of the time your child has with you.

You don't owe anyone a relationship.
Be aware that when you try and break up with him his type often start threatening suicide and get quite nasty after a period of begging you to change your mind.

I'd go with reclaiming any possessions of yours that have ended up at his and return his to him and then either in a public place or via text say "Sorry, I'm finding dating and parenting really difficult and this is no longer working for me I need to concentrate on DSon. Good luck in the future" or something similar. If he starts harrasing you block him. He is not your responsibility.

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 20/11/2022 12:56

RED FLAGS absolutely every sentence that you have written.
Don’t carry on with this.

I would go as far as to say be prepared for extreme behaviour as you break things off.

Do not expose your child to the life in front of you with this person.
This is bad, very very bad.

Covetthee · 20/11/2022 13:01

Please do not stick around in the hopes he will become ‘secure’. His issue is he is controlling.

i had a very similar relationship with a guy like this

first i found it flattering he was jealous (my previous ex had cheated so I thought this was a good sign he loved me)

the jealousy then became more, he started accusing me of similar things like your boyf, then it moved onto controlling of who I can and can’t see, unfortunately i was young and naive and lost a lot of friends. Then he became verbally abusive, calling me names and telling me i’m useless, and I had enough and left, if I didn’t 100% he would have become physically abusive too.

please get out while you can. He does not love you, he has a lot of issues

gamerchick · 20/11/2022 13:01

You know what you need to do and you need to do it when the 'ill feel better when we're living together ' bollocks start. Don't subject your child to this sort of person.

Sorry man, it's just going to get worse.

MintChocCornetto · 20/11/2022 13:01

sarahlouis · 20/11/2022 12:39

I told him that he needs to seek help for his insecurities because his behaviour is becoming controlling, so he went to the GP who prescribed him with antidepressants. I told him that antidepressants wouldn’t help with the way he was, and he said that I’m putting him down.

You are spot on OP and his reaction is disgusting.

He needs to go in the bin, sorry.

Bananalanacake · 20/11/2022 13:02

Whatever you do, don't move in with him.

gamerchick · 20/11/2022 13:02

*before not when

RandomMusings7 · 20/11/2022 13:02

In my experience there's a very fine line between insecure and abusive when it comes to jealousy.

I could not be bothered to deal with him regardless of the cause.

It's not going to get better. You'll end up walking on eggshells and he'll get more and more controlling.

Find yourself an actual adult who is not threatened by the mere presence of a penis in a 10 mile radius around you.

heretohelp22 · 20/11/2022 13:03

This will only get worse OP. I was with a man like this. He'd question additional cutlery, question why the toilet seat was up (because I had recently put bleach down it), obsessed with men at work hitting on me. I started altering my life to suit him. It all started very gradually and he ended up questioning everything you can imagine. In the beginning I thought I had met the most perfect man, he sold me an absolute dream life. There are many more examples I could give but this is what your life will become and trust me, it is a miserable existence. I'm free of him now and I am starting to become my old self again but he broke me down the a shell of the woman I was

MrsSirusBlack · 20/11/2022 13:05

🚩🚩🚩🚩

RandomPerson42 · 20/11/2022 13:05

He sounds very insecure and probably immature.

It’s possible things would improve if you lived together, but just as possible that it could get a lot worse and become controlling which no-one should be subjected to.

You need to move on, for your child’s sake if nothing else - as the arguments are going to be bad.