BF is insecure and needy - can it work?

[sarahlouis]

He adores me and I genuinely believe that he’d do anything for me, as he’s made me his number one priority above everything else in his life. But he is so needy and gets jealous over the slightest thing.

Last night we went out with my friend and her partner for a meal. We’d all had a few drinks and were joking around and having banter. The subject somehow turned to body hair and my friend was pointing out that her partner has lots of chest hair and that he shaves it. I said that there’s no need to shave his chest, and added that I like a man with chest hair. My bf gave me the daggers and it caused a huge argument when we got back to my place. He was accusing me of fancying my friends partner which is not the case at all. My bf has chest hair so I didn't see what the issue was.

Other examples include him getting jealous of me speaking to other men at work, and him asking whether they’re hitting on me.

He came to my house the other day and there was a bowl with 2 forks on the coffee table and he was questioning why there was 2. I said you think I’ve had someone here don’t you? He completely denied it but I just knew.

I have a demanding job and a young child. He says he feels like a weekend boyfriend but I can’t do anything about that.

Its such a shame cos he can be so lovely and supportive. I just feel like his behaviour is too needy.

Any advice?

Mate, this man is an abusive controlling cunt. Bin and block.

You're not in that deep though as you have sensibly kept your own space and house yourself and child independently. This shows that you can deal with this fine if you decide to. You've also recognised this behaviour is not right and are already questioning it.
So you'll get out of it OK if you put your mind to it and do it as per advice on here, from people who know how these men can potentially behave when dumped.
Good luck

As others said, practically you're not in so deep. You're not reliant on him for your home, income or childcare.

So, you have the emotional pain to work through but you can do it and will be so much happier when there isn't someone trying to control and manipulate you.

You've got this.

Luckily you're not in so deep that you can't get out, and you have a) recognised it's making you uncomfortable and b) have asked for advice. You're in a pretty good position - own home and a good job. All you need to do now is ask the trash to take itself out.

Its such a shame cos he can be so lovely and supportive. I just feel like his behaviour is too needy
Any advice

Yes, respect your own clearly stated views and feelings.

Absolute no for me, I’d never be with someone constantly accusing me and telling me who I can and can’t talk to. A big no for me

Get rid now.

Don't put up with any asshole who feels free to accuse you of anything. Ever.

He is being very possessive and this will not turn out well.

I'd end it now to be honest.

Antidepressants won't help with this.

And the fact you have a young child puts you both at risk.

Please end it. He is a 'weekend' boyfriend because you are working and looking after your child during the week. Do NOT let him encroach on this because he is jealous. You will never get rid of him.

Before you know you'll be modifying your behaviour and constantly walking on eggshells.

Not talking about male work colleagues and not speaking to men in general.

Then it gets couched as "he wants to keep to safe".

It's all bullshit to satisfy his neediness and controlling behaviour.

Do not put up with this nonsense.

It's not insecurity: it's control.
It's not neediness: it's manipulation.

Your boyfriend is controlling and manipulative. You are in an abusive relationship love. Run. It's only going to get worse if you stay.

It's called the cycle of abuse for a reason. If they were awful all of the time, you'd be unlikely to stay. So of course they are lovely sometimes. Never excuse controlling behaviour as insecurity. Because it most certainly is not.

This man is bad, bad news. You have a duty to your child. Break up now, it always gets worse.

This is control disguised as insecurity.

Save yourself years & years....dump him.

You know how you can tell the difference between insecurity and control? People who are insecure tend to look inwards and try to change themselves. They may think they are 'not good enough' but they don't take that out on you. They try to make themselves better.

Manipulative people however, are more focused with bringing you down. Questioning your loyalty, integrity, goodness, honesty, value ect... and making you do the same. They try to devalue you. That, is control. It has nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with just being a shitty human being. They want to be in charge. Not because they are insecure, because they are bullies.

Break up with him. Be prepared for him to be very dramatic about it though. He's bad news op.

and whatever you do don't get pregnant by him otherwise you will be stuck with his pathetic behaviour forever.

Agreed. It's a massive red flag

you say he adores you and prioritises you constantly.
Are they your words or his? Does HE tell you he adores you and would do anything for you and tell you about all the things he does for you and how you’re his priority. Or have you just quietly noticed this because of how he makes you feel? I’d guess the former.

you don’t even live together and DD is young. Cut him loose, run for the hills.

Agree
Look out for

• suicide threats
• big promises of change - counselling etc
• begging

All things to try and manipulate you.

He probably also engeneered that argument as the beginnings of separating you from your friend. Because now whenever you see her he may make out that you fancy her bf amd restart the argument. And ultimately it'll just be less drama if you stop seeing her. Then he's got what he wanted.

Or some other tactic may follow. Eg: trying to convince you your friend has betrayed you in some way. Or, causing a scene when you are all out together making it unappealing for your friend to see you again (I'm sure she noticed the daggers he was shooting too btw). Perhaps, arguing with your friend or her bf about something, then making out you are 'taking sides' if you continue to see her.

They all follow a similar script. They don't want you to have people in your life who are supportive of you.

Please ditch him. He’s a psychological vampire.

The ones which go on to murder, always adore their victim.

In fact, they quite adore seem to adore their partner quite a bit more than other couples.

Agree with pp. Run while you still can.

Another vote for you MUST end this NOW.

I could have written your post at the beginning of my relationship.

I stupidly believed that in time, he'd realise I wasn't going to cheat and would learn to trust me.

He remained jealous, insecure, childish, needy and frankly, hard work.

I've just ended it after 8 years. Yes. 8 years. I'm an idiot. Don't be like me. It won't get better.

This is the cycle of abuse. If he was awful every say, you wouldnt be doubting yourself.

get out now.

dont look back.

always remember, gets jealous over the slightest thing. He is a controlling man.