Page 5 | Husband is out with another woman

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 23:01

Stravaig · 19/11/2022 22:59

Checked your other thread - this is a separation, he told you he is moving out, and he's been staying with family or in the spare room since then.

You are hurt and upset, in shock, that's understandable. But it is not remotely helpful to obsess about 'another woman' there is no tangible sign of in any of your posts. Mumsnet is a wonderful source of support, and can best help and advise without the added dramatisation.

Yes he said I’m moving out tomorrow then moved into the spare room instead.

obviously nowhere to go or wants to be close to his fancy piece

OP posts:

Stravaig · 19/11/2022 23:02

What 'fancy piece', OP?

scarletisjustred · 19/11/2022 23:04

If there is a woman, I wouldn't assume she is any better than you. In my experience, women with options aren't interested in a chap living in the spare bedroom of the marital home. I'd have been near speechless if a man had told me on a date he was married but on a break.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 23:05

Yes very true he could be out with a friend but the the only person he goes out with is our neighbour and he’s at home.

In my gut I think the we’re not together comment was to minimise and make ok that he’s out with a female

OP posts:

CanStopWillStop · 19/11/2022 23:08

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 22:06

I only just joined and would like to stick with it if I can as you can’t be made redundant so it’s recession proof and I’ll get a good pension one day.

Im sure that gives away what I do :)

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You're a teacher right? You should teach your husband a lesson also, perhaps you can arrange a "date" and see how he feels about that...

Legallypinkish · 19/11/2022 23:08

Married couples don’t “have a break”. You’re married. It’s legally binding. He’s a twat.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 23:08

CanStopWillStop · 19/11/2022 23:08

You're a teacher right? You should teach your husband a lesson also, perhaps you can arrange a "date" and see how he feels about that...

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No not a teacher

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 19/11/2022 23:09

aloris · 19/11/2022 21:32

You're not boyfriend and girlfriend. You are husband and wife. How do you be 'on a break' from being married? It's not a thing. Until you are divorced, he's just cheating.

Exactly. You’re either married or not, you can’t be on a break from marriage.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/11/2022 23:10

🌸

Fleurdaisy · 19/11/2022 23:11

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 21:29

No support just me and our son here. I’ve locked the door but he’s got his key on him.

Its a jointly owned house so I believe he has every right to be here.

Feel absolutely sick, on the scrap heap of life. Already wondering who she is and what’s better about her

There’s nothing better about her.
Your husband has decided he wants to check out of responsibility —- the “ we are on a break” sounds so immature.
Speak to a divorce lawyer on Monday. Check any joint accounts and move 50% into your own account, in case he decides to empty them. Move any savings now.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 23:13

Fleurdaisy · 19/11/2022 23:11

There’s nothing better about her.
Your husband has decided he wants to check out of responsibility —- the “ we are on a break” sounds so immature.
Speak to a divorce lawyer on Monday. Check any joint accounts and move 50% into your own account, in case he decides to empty them. Move any savings now.

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Thank you. No joint accounts, I have savings he doesn’t

OP posts:

Stravaig · 19/11/2022 23:13

OP, you're in denial. You've been separated for two weeks. You sound paranoid and jealous and controlling. Why did you call him about locking up tonight? He has his own key. You are not focusing on the right things. Kick him out of the house altogether, lawyer up and divorce. Or ask him for couples counselling if you want to work through it, and see if he agrees.

Mama2023 · 19/11/2022 23:14

Police officer or other emergency department?

He has control in this situation right now so you need to try and take some control back. What he has said to you is upsetting but he is making his position clear. I’m sorry you’re going through this

sentientpuddle · 19/11/2022 23:17

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 21:18

For a little over a week now my husband has moved himself into the spare room saying he’s not happy at the moment.

Tonight he’s out with a mystery person and I was asking him what time he’d be in just because I wanted to know about locking the front door and he text back

We’re on a break please leave me to my night!!

and then

We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are

Sorry just devastated

We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are
because he told his date he's separated/single & doesn't want your message notifications catching her attention?

It's fucking disgusting that he's treating you like you're getting in the way of his fun.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 23:19

Stravaig · 19/11/2022 23:13

OP, you're in denial. You've been separated for two weeks. You sound paranoid and jealous and controlling. Why did you call him about locking up tonight? He has his own key. You are not focusing on the right things. Kick him out of the house altogether, lawyer up and divorce. Or ask him for couples counselling if you want to work through it, and see if he agrees.

Yes paranoid and a little jealous too, gutted to have been replaced so easily and curious to what she has that I don’t and what I’ve done wrong after 10 years together

I was in the shower when he went out so was asking about locking the door as if he’s just going up to our local he’ll often leave his key here

OP posts:

MrsMontyD · 19/11/2022 23:20

Don't let him get away with painting a narrative that you were on a "break", he'd moved into the spare room and then miraculously met some new woman. That's what he's trying to do here and it's absolute BS. If he's out with an OW after being in the spare room a week, she's been around a while.

He wants you to blow up so he can point at you being the crazy wife who wouldn't let him have some space during your "break" don't let him get away with it. The response you need to show, on the outside at least, is quiet and dignified but strong and firm, don't take any crap, but if you can manage it don't shout and throw his clothes on the lawn. You can get your revenge in other ways. Hold the moral high ground, it'll drive him crazy.

ChristmasisRuined · 19/11/2022 23:23

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 21:29

No support just me and our son here. I’ve locked the door but he’s got his key on him.

Its a jointly owned house so I believe he has every right to be here.

Feel absolutely sick, on the scrap heap of life. Already wondering who she is and what’s better about her

Put your key in the lock on the inside on every door in the house! Unless it's an automatic locking Yale, that should work and if it is, then you can deadlock it

Gronkle · 19/11/2022 23:24

Get rid and don't look back, how disrespectful.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 23:24

MrsMontyD · 19/11/2022 23:20

Don't let him get away with painting a narrative that you were on a "break", he'd moved into the spare room and then miraculously met some new woman. That's what he's trying to do here and it's absolute BS. If he's out with an OW after being in the spare room a week, she's been around a while.

He wants you to blow up so he can point at you being the crazy wife who wouldn't let him have some space during your "break" don't let him get away with it. The response you need to show, on the outside at least, is quiet and dignified but strong and firm, don't take any crap, but if you can manage it don't shout and throw his clothes on the lawn. You can get your revenge in other ways. Hold the moral high ground, it'll drive him crazy.

Thank you. I’m worried that he’ll make people think that he met this new whatever after me so it’s all ok. He will hate people to think he’s done anything wrong.

I feel like tomorrow not even saying anything to him about where he’s been

OP posts:

ChristmasisRuined · 19/11/2022 23:26

If you fancy ruining his night, text him and tell him ALL of his belongings are packed up outside! He'll come home immediately and will bring his night to a crappy end! Obviously it doesn't need to be true......

Stravaig · 19/11/2022 23:27

Do you know for sure there is another woman, OP?

If there isn't, if he's left simply because he's unhappy being with you, then dodging those issues are not going to help you sort things out. Nor to divorce amicably, nor co-parent constructively, nor in future relationships.

Derbee · 19/11/2022 23:31

I thought I recognised your username… Your husband is a dick, and your marriage is miserable. 18 months ago (!) you said

I'm worried that in 10 years I'll still be in the same rubbish life as I am now

so try and remember that. Tell him to move out, and start getting on with your new life

Citycentre3 · 19/11/2022 23:33

You sound like a complete and utter door mat. No wonder he thinks he can treat you like garbage. You need to tell him that you will be giving him a permanent break, because you refuse to be treated so poorly. If you don't you will only be asking for more heartache, and there is no point whinging about it on here. You need to nip this in the bud now.

Tell him he isn't allowed to treat you like this. You sound like you are making excuses for him, and unless there is something your not telling us, there simply is no excuse for a man to behave in this manner, especially when children are involved!

Daffodilsandtuplips · 19/11/2022 23:34

Lock the door and go to bed. Don’t text him anymore tonight but if and when he does show his face tell him he still has responsibilities to his child, he can’t take a break from them. You need to work and he will have to cover childcare the nights you work.
But you do nothing for him, no cooking, laundry,
Good advice re: going quiet, from a previous poster, he wants a break, give him one. But not where your child is concerned.
Start protecting yourself by looking at finances, payslips, pensions.
I couldn’t look at him in the same way after this. I’d never trust him again.

tootiredtospeak · 19/11/2022 23:36

Seriously text back. You know what let's make it permanent do not think of coming back like ever. Next time you do it needs to be to collect your crap and fuck off forever.