Husband is out with another woman

[southeastlady]

For a little over a week now my husband has moved himself into the spare room saying he’s not happy at the moment.

Tonight he’s out with a mystery person and I was asking him what time he’d be in just because I wanted to know about locking the front door and he text back

We’re on a break please leave me to my night!!

and then

We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are

Sorry just devastated

@girlmom21 "He can find somewhere else to live and you can still co-parent".

He owns half the house.

Do the exact same to him. Go out, even to a friend/family member's house to visit (but don't tell him where)

Hopefully having some time outside of the situation will give you the courage to make decisions.

Unfortunately not an option to just do the day shifts :(

And he wants to be 'on a break' so he can do it properly.

That’s appalling OP. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Don’t get drawn into his drama. Think about what YOU need and get real life support around you. Every time you start to think about him or worry about him, bring your thoughts back to you and your needs.

How dare he treat you this way. It’s bloody cruel.

💐 for you.

@girlmom21 ok then.

Yes, I was under the impression as long as he pays his half of the mortgage then I can’t just change the locks

H can still pull his weight as a parent. I'm not sure how old your son is but can he stay with dad when you're on nights? Child care shouldn't be solely your responsibility. For you

This ^.

Get angry OP. It gives you strength. You're not defeated. Just take a breather for now knowing that on Monday morning you'll be booking in for the 30 minute free session most solicitors offer. Get some advice. You'll be surprised at your options. I've been there.

OP💐 sorry for what you are going through, but you need to get practical.

Can you have some leave to sort out things? Tell him that he still.has to Co parent and that means looking after ds when you are working..he will have to pay maintenance and you may get UC.

Seek a free hour from a local solicitor to advise you. At the moment he has l the power, time for him to havea wake up call. Good luck..and things will get so much better..but in time.

@southeastlady Yes, I was under the impression as long as he pays his half of the mortgage then I can’t just change the locks

He not only pays half the mortgage but owns half the home. It is as much his home as yours. The advice here is shocking . He is entitled to remain in his own home as are you, if jointly owned.

On a break??? Give me strength, what an absolute areshole. I'd tell him not to bother coming home, he might respect your wishes , he might not but you will be sending the message that you mean business.

Sorry to repeat OP, but where is the other woman? As in, (not that this makes him any nicer person) is he just down the pub with his mate, but deliberately making it sound like it's a "mystery person" just to be cruel.

Already wondering who she is and what’s better about her

We don't know who she is, but anyone here can tell you what's 'better' about her: novelty. You've been with him long enough to have a child; she's all shiny and new right now. Soon the novelty will wear off and he'll realise what he's thrown away. But that's his problem.

You need to sort out who has the kids when. Otherwise he will just get to go out with this OW whenever he wants. Draw up a rota tonight and present it to him in the morning. Then make sure you go out when he has the kids. Start as if you are separated. Every other weekend he has them. No joint day trips out. That’s what my OH did.

This is so heartbreaking, so sorry OP 🌹x
It's clear he started fancying someone and now suddenly needs a break. If only he had at least been honest about it 😣

You don't pack anything for him, throw it out on the street.He can buy his own bin bags, too.

I’ve been in a situation not dissimilar to this.

What I wish I had done is gone very quiet. Don’t message, speak to him, nothing. It will put him on the back foot.

Don’t rant, rave or threaten anything, however justifiable that would be. Don’t beg or plead or ask questions even though you will be desperate for answers.

Just go quiet. Quietly make your own plans. Get support from friends and family.

bin him he’s a ass you deserve better

Completely agree. Very sound advice.

Don’t shed a tear! Be strong and tell him he has half duties for your child. He can’t just swan off for some fun and leave you in the lurch! Hope you meet someone better. Hugs

“On a break”?! When the hell did he decide that?! Like a PP said, married couples don’t just skip off on breaks! What a bastard!

i know you said that you can’t not do nights, but talk to your manager anyway. They may be able to help come up with something. It could be worth a shot. When XH fucked off, I thought I’d lose my job . But my Matron, ward manager and myself came up with a plan for me to work set days and around childcare hours, trialled it and allowed me to continue it. In over 20yrs working in the NHS, I’d never heard of that happening, but it happened.

FWIW, yes he should be still looking after your DC whilst you work nights, but if he’s going to fuck off (and from the way he’s already acting!), it’s worth getting a Plan B in place sooner rather than later x

I suggest you tell him you want a permanent break as his behaviour is totally unacceptable.

He is to do 50% of household, meals, and childcare. If doing nights, just do not go home but stay at a friend's. Let him stew.

You are not powerless OP. Do not tolerate this shit from a selfish entitled man

Divorce him.

And I am not one who says that lightly.