Page 3 | Husband is out with another woman

southeastlady · 2022-11-19T21:18:30+00:00

For a little over a week now my husband has moved himself into the spare room saying he’s not happy at the moment. Tonight he’s out with a mystery person and I was asking him what time he’d be in just because I wanted to know about locking the front door and he text back We’re on a break please leave me to my night!! and then We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are Sorry just devastated

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/11/2022 22:01

Immediately STOP doing anything for him, southeastlady. No cooking, no washing, nothing else.

Make your plans to start divorce proceedings because there's no way back from this. 'On a break', it's so disrespectful and dismissive of you. I'm so sorry.

You will be ok. On your own with your son - and if your husband wants to be a good father then he can be, but that doesn't need to be as your husband. You deserve better, so much better than him.

NotRightNowPlease · 19/11/2022 22:02

You are not on the scrap heap!

Take your time, you have been blindsided and are probably in shock. One step at a time. For now, make sure you eat and drink even if it's a yoghurt or some tea and toast, you need to keep your strength up.

Do you have someone in RL you can talk to?

You don't need to make any moves straight away but please remember he is not your friend and will only have his own interests at heart going forward. They all seem to become selfish wankers overnight, like nasty strangers.

You will go through lots of emotions but you will get through this, when you find your anger, when you realise he's an absolute loser who doesn't deserve you, run with it. It will all be OK xxxx

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 19/11/2022 22:03

What a wanker. Can you start looking for a daytime job? How old is your child?

MendaciousMabel · 19/11/2022 22:03

Oh OP I have no advice, but I couldn’t read and run. When people cheat it is hardly ever to do with the person they’re cheating on. Don’t let him treat you like this you deserve so much better.

PiggyInTheLidl · 19/11/2022 22:04

Bloody hell, how dare he?

Shocking behaviour.

No one deserves to be treated like that. Really sorry.

TicTac80 · 19/11/2022 22:06

And definitely start making plans quietly (and don’t do any housework/cooking for him). If I could rewind time to when my XH first flounced, I’d have file for divorce right away (I thought we were separating so he could get sober - I was a fool). If I could rewind time back further, I’d have filed for divorce a lot bloody earlier!!

MrsMorrisey · 19/11/2022 22:06

Well he sounds revolting.

Why did you text him about the door if he has a key?

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 22:06

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 19/11/2022 22:03

What a wanker. Can you start looking for a daytime job? How old is your child?

I only just joined and would like to stick with it if I can as you can’t be made redundant so it’s recession proof and I’ll get a good pension one day.

Im sure that gives away what I do :)

OP posts:

QueenBeex · 19/11/2022 22:07

Him saying "We’re not together right now " basically means we aren't together, but I'm not sure if I want to make that decision permanently untill I know if there's anyone else that wants me so ill keep you waiting on the side just incase my other options fall through.
I would be making the 'break' permanent, and moving on.

Jaffacakeorisitabiscuit · 19/11/2022 22:08

Do you have any burly men in your family or circle of friends? If so, ask them to come round, wait for him to come home and let them tell him he needs to find alternative accommodation until your divorce is sorted.

Do not be passive in this. You don't have to discuss or negotiate with him. You do need to call on family and friends, do some negotiation with work, get your paperwork sorted, call a solicitor and recognise your husband for the bastard he is. He deserves nothing from you but contempt.

Ohcrapp · 19/11/2022 22:08

@southeastlady are you sure his with a women? Have I missed something? If your only assuming try not to make yourself sick with worry 💐 I bet his with a bloke. Still a c* though if his making you think that.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 22:09

MrsMorrisey · 19/11/2022 22:06

Well he sounds revolting.

Why did you text him about the door if he has a key?

Because if he was coming back shortly I wouldn’t of locked up just wanted to see how long he’d be roughly

OP posts:

TellMeWhere · 19/11/2022 22:11

From his behaviour I'd take it he's done with your marriage and planning to move on with mystery woman.

Take this knowledge, find your anger and use it moving forward.

As you said, you can't take a break from marriage therefore you better get divorced. Start proceedings, gather financial info. You will figure out what to do about work/shifts etc because you'll have to. He won't cease to be a parent, so he will also shoulder the parenting burden. Make sure he knows this.

How old is your child?

He's being so disrespectful, you cannot let him u-turn on this.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 19/11/2022 22:11

I'm guessing you work in the NHS? If this is the case then definitely speak to your manager. My sister went through something similar and they were brilliant and rearranged all her shifts.
In regards to your bastard ex my advice is to grey rock, don't speak to him don't do anything for him. Definitely speak to a solicitor and make sure he pays maintenance.
In a few years from now you'll have moved on, you'll look back and realise you're well rid

H1Drangea · 19/11/2022 22:12

Lock the door and leave the key in

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 22:13

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 19/11/2022 22:11

I'm guessing you work in the NHS? If this is the case then definitely speak to your manager. My sister went through something similar and they were brilliant and rearranged all her shifts.
In regards to your bastard ex my advice is to grey rock, don't speak to him don't do anything for him. Definitely speak to a solicitor and make sure he pays maintenance.
In a few years from now you'll have moved on, you'll look back and realise you're well rid

Nope :)

OP posts:

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 22:14

TellMeWhere · 19/11/2022 22:11

From his behaviour I'd take it he's done with your marriage and planning to move on with mystery woman.

Take this knowledge, find your anger and use it moving forward.

As you said, you can't take a break from marriage therefore you better get divorced. Start proceedings, gather financial info. You will figure out what to do about work/shifts etc because you'll have to. He won't cease to be a parent, so he will also shoulder the parenting burden. Make sure he knows this.

How old is your child?

He's being so disrespectful, you cannot let him u-turn on this.

Our son is 8

OP posts:

MrsMorrisey · 19/11/2022 22:15

"Because if he was coming back shortly I wouldn’t of locked up just wanted to see how long he’d be roughly"

I wouldn't even bother with considering him. He is treating you appallingly and you want to make sure he can get in even though he has a key!?
You just wanted to contact him.
Don't bother.

Theunamedcat · 19/11/2022 22:15

Try to keep your job but unfortunately unless you have a supportive family you might be in trouble he does not sound like he is going to be helpful

Spend your time getting the finances in order copies of everything do you have a joint account?

CallmeCath · 19/11/2022 22:16

"@Jaffacakeorisitabiscuit Do you have any burly men in your family or circle of friends? If so, ask them to come round, wait for him to come home and let them tell him he needs to find alternative accommodation until your divorce is sorted".

What absolutely ridiculous and legally inaccurate advice.

Original poster

southeastlady · 19/11/2022 22:17

Theunamedcat · 19/11/2022 22:15

Try to keep your job but unfortunately unless you have a supportive family you might be in trouble he does not sound like he is going to be helpful

Spend your time getting the finances in order copies of everything do you have a joint account?

No joint accounts apart from mortgage, he’s useless with money.

I’d bet my house that he’s paying for tonight on his credit card

OP posts:

toobusytothink · 19/11/2022 22:18

you can’t kick him out as you know, but you can start living separately in the same house. He has already moved out of the bedroom so now you have to stop doing his meals or washing and as I said before, make the childcare clear. You probably already have a kind of rota in place as you do shifts but it needs to be made more official. What an arse!

Namechangehereandnow · 19/11/2022 22:19

Are you ‘on a break’?
That would be it over for me OP - where’s the respect for you? Have your own self respect and get out of what sounds like a horrible, miserable marriage.

TheodoreMortlock · 19/11/2022 22:20

"We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are"

I don't think I'd put the key in the lock tonight to stop him getting in, but tomorrow I'd make clear he needs to leave and until he did so I'd be giving this phrase a rigorous workout pretty much whenever he wants something.

Jaffacakeorisitabiscuit · 19/11/2022 22:21

CallmeCath - probably, but what's he going to do? Why do women have to put up with being treated like shit on some man's shoe because he decides how it's going to be? He's behaving like a single man. OP can behave like a single woman and live alone with her children. Some men just abrogate all responsibility yet expect all their rights no matter how adversely it affects their family. He needs to be shown he can't just waltz around doing what he pleases with no thought to his wife and child.