Husband is out with another woman

[southeastlady]

For a little over a week now my husband has moved himself into the spare room saying he’s not happy at the moment.

Tonight he’s out with a mystery person and I was asking him what time he’d be in just because I wanted to know about locking the front door and he text back

We’re on a break please leave me to my night!!

and then

We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are

Sorry just devastated

How do I do that?

He's sorry after he got some from another woman. He is conveniently sorry now. He was not sorry when it was happening. The whole on a break "for now" thing was the clue he was intending to sleep with someone then come back.

Oh so he's realised you own 70% of the house and if you leave he'll have to sort his debt by himself?

I wouldn't reply

He's left you in the dark all fucking night and day.

He's let you go to work on a stressful shift not knowing what's happening

Oh but now he wants to talk? Fuck that. Let him sit it out for a bit and see how he likes it.

@southeastlady I haven't worked that part out yet 😬 Maybe say something like "Well you had other things/people to contend to last night, didn't you?!"

I wouldn't reply . Seriously. Grey rock . Do not reply and do not react .
He feeling guilty now he's gone out on the shag. Fuck him . Leave him to think about it . Say nothing.
Tell your supervision what's happening and get
Some legal advice .

*this would be in reply to his text above

He'll then panic a bit, wondering if/how much you know

Hope you're ok ok I would have been out my mind. I so hope there's an innocent explanation for him coming home in the morning but I'm afraid I doubt it

I wouldn't bother responding either. He doesn't get to pick and choose when you communicate. Bring this back to your terms.

Silence speaks volumes.

Hand grenade?? How silly. I haven't given legal advice, I asked a question and said she should get legal advice, which she definitely should.
If everyone just mused thoughts quietly and didn't respond mumsnet would be very quiet, and a bit pointless.

I agree with not responding. He doesn’t get to text you horrible messages then text back an apology. If he really means it, he would have had the decency to apologise to your face.

I wouldn't reply and wouldn't allude to the fact you think he was with another woman. As far as I've read (although may have missed something!) there isn't anything tangible to suggest he actually was, more of a gut feeling?

I think you should just not acknowledge it. And get on with divorcing him if that's what you want.

That kind of makes it worse in my eyes if he wasn't.

He knew what she was thinking. He said they were on a break. He knew full well what that implies.

He didn't tell her what was going on. Didn't get back till the early hours. Didn't talk to her when he got back.

It's entirely cuntish behaviour to put someone through this. I find it worse that he would purposefully torture her for absolutely no reason if he was just out with a mate.

Shock, the grass wasn't greener now reality has set in.

Think to preserve your dignity and reclaim power and not be taken for a mug, don't reply and just get on with arranging separating the ties. Treat him like a business transaction.

Silence or "I hope she was worth it" then don't reply again not even in person.

Paddington bear stare and walk off if he tries when you get home.

Would also be tempted to stay out after your shift if you have somewhere to go.

Perfect

That's good to know. Looks like this is a blessing in disguise for OP, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

He sent you those messages because he wanted to maybe he was with someone else and was "proving" to her that you were over and giving her the impression you were trying to get him back (might not have gone down well tbh) now they are apart he wants to sort of keep you around dangling a bit just in case

Do yourself a favour, don't let him ignore his messages push forward with the divorce its no fault these days and it's cheap online you will need a solicitor for the financial order but the actual filing? Can be done online look it up its relatively straight forward

You will feel lighter

Grey rock. Do not reply and seek legal advice as soon as you can.

As hard as this is 'any' response from you negative or positive feeds his ego. This is an attempt to suck you into some kind of 'pick me' conversation. Don't rise to it.

Your focus is seeking legal advise and becoming clearer financially before you hit him with what works for you separation and contact wise.

You need some space to see more clearly! Atm he is not safe for you and you need distance.

Oh no! Please don’t let him worm his way back in. Ignore. Prepare a childcare schedule and present it to him saying you want a divorce. This is my first ever LTB. I think people throw it around too easily. But your marriage is over. You are separated and there’s no coming back from this.

OP what do you actually want?? Do you want to stay married (and be treated like shit)? Or do you want to call it a day and split? Only you can decide .. but it seems like you’re just wallowing in it all and allowing it to continue 🤷‍♀️

The man has had his fun and now wants to forget it until the next time. I would be blanking the messages and him and just sort what needs to be sorted to end the marriage officially. This will never improve and he will keep on doing this for your own sanity you need to accept its over and start to move on.