I want to leave but worried about suicide

[CompletelyDoneIn]

Sorry for any trigger warnings. I've been on MN a long long time but have name changed for obvious reasons. I will be back to this thread but only when opportunity allows.

Basically I've been with DH a long long time, children, home, cats ect...

DH has always been slightly paranoid but over last few years this has significantly increased.

He has depression, anxiety, suicidal and paranoia. He's on medication but it hasn't been helped.

The paranioa is slowly destroying me. He doesn't like me going anywhere and when I do I have to text him constantly, answer FaceTimes to prove I'm where I say I am, if In going to the shops I have to text him when I get there, while I'm there then when I'm on the way home (for safety apparently). If I'm on my phone it's constant what you doing who are you texting why have you clicked off that.

I have never ever been unfaithful, never gave him reason to doubt me. Yet he is so convinced I'm going to do something, find someone else and leave him.

I get no free time what's so ever and I think this is more so he knows where I am. I always have a DC with me but he regularly does his own thing.

The day before every shift he barely talks to me is moody. But if I'm ever quite then there must be a reason.

I'm so so drained. I don't know how it's got to this point. I'm hurt because I'm an incredibly loyal person but I'm constantly doubted or have to prove I'm not hiding anything.

If I leave he will kill himself. He has told me and I truly believe he will, not even in a manipulative way but because he thinks without me he has nothing.

I don't know what to do to help him. I don't know how to make this situaion better.

We use to be so so happy before his depression really set in. Please can anyone help me. I'll be back to this thread but I'll be logging out as DH has been known to snoop through my phone.

His choices are his choices.
I put money that he's all tall, bir of he isn't, that's not your problem. Leave him

He won't argue or make a scene in a busy place

This shows you that he has control over his behavior, OP, he waits until you’re alone before getting dramatic. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

Do dc want to see him?
Its about letting dc see himsafely
Do not trust him

Yeh the DC want to see him.

He came and saw them today, he told the DC he's been very busy at work and he's sorry he hasn't seen them much. They were over the moon to see him and dad to see him leave.

He was charming to everyone, kept trying to talk to me alone and promise the world. He has said he will leave tomorrow so the DC can go home, they miss home. I'm a little weary of he will or if it's engineering a situation to talk to me alone.

It's so hard seeing him put on this smile and playfulness when that's all I want from him is to be happy and a family with the DC

I feel stressed waiting to see if he's going to not pay his share of the bills at home too, I can but it will be extremely tight because I haven't factored this in.

The DC are expected a day trip we have planned before they go back to school, I'm so confused today

Has he threatened to not pay or does he have firm for this? Because if he does refuse irs yet another aifn this is an abusive relationship, not.one with a mentally ill person who wants to be better.

Stay strong. Go home.tomorrow. ask for help!

It's interesting that he can turn it on and off, isn't it?

Depression is not a switch you turn on and off.

Abusive controlling men do this.

Yes totally - he's managed 4 nights and 5 days in his own. No suicide. No attempts. Nothing.

abusive control Comes in many many forms.

So he is cured!? Hooray.... ?
Smile playful charming....

And earlier "he is genuinely a broken man. I've never seen him like this. I walk into a room and he's crying because of the negativity in his head. He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, has no joy for anything. It's heartbreaking to watch."

Maybe you being away from him is the cure right??

Do not trust him
He will say Bring dc back and i will leave
Just one night more...Just another...

And then you back where you were.

He says it's a front, he's ashamed of how he feels and tries to hide it in front of other people and the DC. But we don't get that treatment at home.

He never mentioned bills or money, I was just worried if he didn't what I would do it he's transferred everything to me and asked if I need any more which is one thing I suppose.

Were ment to be going home at 2 he said he'll be gone so we shall see

Why don't you go home at 2 and if he's not there, your sister can bring the kids.

Do you know where he's going OP? Do you have access to a joint bank account?

He's less likely to cause a scene in front of DC, if I go alone he'll take the opportunity to try and talk me round

I have my own finances, we have a household account that both transfer into then our own accounts that we could both access but I changed my details Christmas Day

So essentially, he makes an effort in front of other people and your DC, but dumps all his problems on you…as if you’re magically able to solve them.

That’s not love, OP, you don’t do that to someone you love. You try to help yourself and ask them for support, but ultimately, you take responsibility for your own problems.

Honestly, I’d consider ending the relationship, it’s not healthy for you.

Take a look at how many of your responses are all talking about 'him' - how he feels - what he wants.

It looks like he's at the top of the tree with you all firmly at the bottom.

Where are you?

You are allowed to put yourself first. You are allowed to be loved just for you as you are - not for what you do for anyone else.* *

Are you home safely? X