I contacted the OW

[Wellitjustgetsworse]

You may have seen some my previous threads. I tried to get over it after being lied to clinging on to his version of events as my brain has somehow wanted to believe him.

I was so clear that if we had any chance any chance at all at getting past this through therapy ect that I needed the truth and no more messages to be deleted.

I went away for a week and came back to find he's been deleting messages again.

His reasons are because he thinks I can see what's on his phone so he was testing this and that the messages were purely work related.

This morning something just snapped not in an angry way but just how can you think I will buy this anymore?

I asked for her number to message her and he sent it..

Don't think anything good can come from this and I don't even know why because I don't think she will message back or if she does she will just back up what he has said I imagine.

Sorry using this place as a space I can get out what's been kept in whilst also hearing other people's stories of being in a similar situation.

I've never felt so lonely or lost in my life. I feel I switch between believing him to thinking there is no way this is okay and I need to leave now.

Thank you. I get most shops delivered as I don't drive I can't get shops that are a weekly size with push chair ect but I think I'll do smaller shops and do that. Feels so wrong but he clearly doesn't care.

He just rang me being angry as he can't find his keys and it's basically my job to know where they are for him.

The mask has slipped off like people are saying it would and now last night didn't work I didn't give in I didn't let him hug me he's now being very horrible to me.

He's like if we break up we will still be in each others lives forever. Feel sick hearing that even when I leave I'll never really be shot of him.

Exactly you never be shot of him.

But leave some poor cow thinking she got the best catch going until she realizes how much of a scumbag he is.

What’s he like as a father Op?

What is your plan OP?

Ok your going round in circles.at some point you do as f hard as it is need to be brave as you ever have been and make a choice.make action.tale a leap.

Well he's just taken the kids and gone. It's their bedtime I saw him messaging her again. I just lost it. He stood their going I don't even think emotional affairs are a thing.

I feel he's made me crazy. I don't know what to do he's gone to his mum's and I don't know if I should leave I don't really have anywhere to go I feel sick. I'm scared I won't get them back.

He was just laughing at me whilst I'm just absolutely breaking down calling me ridiculous and crazy.

I feel like I just can't go on. I can't provide for my children alone. He holds all the cards. Womens aid chat line offline now I just don't know what to do.

So sorry you are in this position. You need to go and get some legal advice. There are quite a lot of places that will give 2 hours of advice for a fixed fee. Here is a link to some advice for people in your financial and domestic situation. Your partner will not be able to avoid disclosing his assets and income if you apply for child maintenance.

www.silkfamilylaw.co.uk/blog/weve-just-separated-and-are-not-married-but-our-house-is-in-my-ex-partners-name-do-i-have-any-rights

I am afraid I need to confess that I have been the other woman before. Personally, I would not have lied had his then wife asked to speak to me and when things kicked off I offered to go and speak to her, but she didn't want to chat which I totally understand.

He can not just take the children. That would be against the law.wherr has he taken them?
You need to text him.calmly.let him no you expect the children back got their home tomorrow.what time should you expect them or should you come.and collect.
You can provide for them.millions of woman do it every single day.many do it brilliantly,without the struggle you fear it will be!
There are steps to follow.there are processes.but you need to act and begin them.you are going round and round now.in more and more damaging behaviour to both you and your children.stop thus cycle.
You need to find your strength.
Don't give him the power.
Don't give him ammunition.
Stand tall and Believe in yourself.
If he laughs laugh back " it is funny isn't it.funny how fucked up I must have been to believe in you."
Reflect his mocking.dont let a bully see you hit.
But start with action.
Sitting here feeling you can't do this is in fact making that fear come true.

@Wellitjustgetsworse

So him messaging her he doesn't really care for your feelings.

I honestly would take the kids and go and sod him.

He laughed think an EA is not a thing. He so doesn't care and very sorry you need to be strong call women's aid.

@Wellitjustgetsworse let him keep the kids for a couple of days. He’ll soon bring them back. You do absolutely nothing stop contacting him. Stop texting him stop being hysterical. Go and see a lawyer as you were told 10 pages ago and then sit back and let it all play out. You are not in control of him, and you are most definitely not in control of her. The only thing you can control is your reaction to this, which is not easy.
But is the only option.

I'm trying not to panic I've only msged asking what is happening with the kids. I don't know if they are just going to appear any minute for me to take them to school. If he has moved then back in with his mum.

I feel sick. I think he wants me to go without them. He suggested the other day it be best if I only had them weekends.

Have you booked an appointment with a solicitor yet OP? You need to do that today if not.

Don't let him take your kids.

This why important to have to gone women's aid. He being abusive now through the kids. Like he done wrong but using kids.
Think he might of realized you are planning on leaving.

I'm going to ring them today. I honestly don't feel I have a leg to stand on. Not married. House is his.

With women's aid I have a refuge in mind in the area I used to live in but not guaranteed there will be a place when I go so I have to ring you every few days they said.

I just wanted to get through the next two months I had such amazing opportunities and all will be for nothing. I can't carry on like this and for the kids sake even though they are very young this isn't what they should be around anymore. I do understand that.

I'm still torn between moving back to where I used to live and there being more support and friends around me.

To moving out to somewhere here where I live which is in middle of nowhere where I know it will be a lot harder to get back on my feet. I don't know what to do I think one minute they are so young they could adjust to moving back to the place I used to live to thinking it's completely selfish and I should move locally.

I'm going to ring them today. I honestly don't feel I have a leg to stand on. Not married. House is his.

Please ring them now, knowledge is power. You need legal advice as absolute priority.

Yes. You aren't an expert and you're only guessing what your situation is. Plenty of women have gone through this and come out the other side with their children. You need to speak to the experts and find out what the situation really is and what you can do. He doesn't control EVERYTHING.

Kids belong to their home and with their mum, whatever shyte happens between the parents that's the grown ups fault and should be sorted between them. Kids should be minimally affected by adult messes/break ups. They need to feel safe, stability, cared, loved and have a geographical point of reference called "home". They need to know that whatever hand grenade (metaphorically speaking) is thrown at the family they are safe.

OP your husband doesn't care about you nor your kids, he's putting them on harms way by removing these innocent creatures from their home and taking there some place else where they don't belong. He's only done this to punish you because he's fully aware this is what will most hurt you, he's using them as a throw weapon because he's more invested in punishing you than in protecting his own children.

Your soon to be ex is a horrible man, a narcissist with no empathy, a borderline psychopath. Him not marrying you was a calculating move done completely on purpose, a move that suited him very well. I hope your children one day realise what sort of a psycho they have for a father.

Good luck and big hug. You'll sort this mess out eventually because you're strong and smart.

I've just spoken to a legal team and gave them some details of the situation and have a free appointment this week. They said even with them not wanting to comment right now that he's put me in this vulnerable situation and they don't like the sound of some of the information I've given.

I'm not that hopeful but for example he made me a shareholder in the company which he's now trying to take me off as I said I've never had any of the dividends and I've checked and can see no payments have ever been made even into the joint account like he said so he's used my details to pay less tax hasn't he?

Think he's trying to cover himself right now as I've refused to give him my details to do his tax return stuff so when he first said I was a director but checked company house and it says a shareholder with the amount in shares. I brought this up with him and he's tried to make out its what everyone does and I've enjoyed his money by living here.

My head hurts but glad to be getting somewhere with some of this mess.

Are the children at school?

I'd go and pick them up early tomorrow if so

One is so picked up today and he dropped off our other child today. He thinks I should just stay in the home and it is selfish if I leave with them. He thinks I should leave without them and when I'm settled I can have them back.

I'm so torn because if I go I will be causing upheaval and I selfishly don't want to leave without them they are my world.

Well he's the expert on selfishness, isn't he?

Who does he think he is, coming in all moral police?

Under no circumstances leave yur children and go back for them.

He is baiting you, driving you to react in a poor manner. Just do not rise and play into his hands. Do the opposite whilst planning your get away. Throwing yourself at WA/ housing department at local council is preferable to putting up with his vile behaviour. Come on OP, you've got this. Grey rock him and do not rise to his antagonism.

Do not leave without your children.

But leave ASAP before he pulls some other stunt

I just messaged him loads fuck wrong with me. I can't focus on my business I'm just pacing up and down. He's at his mum's surrounded by family talking probably about how unfit mother I am and that his mum will have the kids because everyone agrees it is wrong for me to leave with them. Even though I've been with them since birth everyday whilst he's worked all week, weekends.

It's fucking with my head. He's now saying we are just different people and all this talk to me no emotion. He cheats and gets to spin it as I'm crazy.

How do I stay strong why can't I just focus on my kids why do I cave in self loathing I hate myself right now.

I'm so scared I'll go to council or refuge and the kids will suffer I feel each way they suffer I just don't know which way will impact them less anymore.

I just signed one of them up for after school activities they really like their school. Womens aid said they will help with new school but I don't know if she will be off school for a longtime.

I wish I could just be strong enough to stay and keep them in the life they have.

I'm sorry I'm breaking down right now I'm so isolated and alone. I don't have family or friends I can go to.

I don't know what he is planning and it's so hard the not knowing what to expect.
I don't know how he will act if I actually go. He's being so civil like it's a work transaction.