Separated husband with own place wants access to mine/me

[NoraButty]

Me and husband separated three months ago when I found he’d been using sex workers.

He went to stay with family but has now rented property nearby.

Since he has left I have never refused him access to the house to collect his belongings as long as I have someone there with me for support.

He collected the last of his belongings and has pretty much stripped the house bare.

The house is a marital asset and I accept he will have a share, which I am okay with. But for full disclosure it is fully in my name and purchased outright (no mortgage) by me prior to marriage.

He is saying that he is on with his solicitor to gain full access to my house and intends to come round three or four nights a week.

Is there a chance he would get this access? Bearing in mind he had his own place to live, we are getting divorced and there is nothing in the house bar my minimal belongings.

Anyway he doesn't give a flying fuck about those dogs, he gives a fuck about that house value though.

Tough!

Animals adapt very quickly to changes in circumstances as long as they remain fairly static. Visiting a pet may be lovely for the non-resident owner, but the odds are that it distresses the dogs. They'll just settle down again in time for him to appear in their little lives and bugger things up again.

No advice on the legalities but congratulations on getting rid of such a slimeball!

Why are you even communicating with him? I'd be telling him I wont be speaking g to him any further and he cam send all comms to your solicitor. Then blank him.

I would argue that your marriage is short and with no children and so the vast majority of the equity in the house is yours. He should not be allowed to walk away with half of your property, especially as he has already found alternative accommodation. If the judge awards him ANYTHING then I would be operated to say that he has abandoned the digs with you and at a cost of £500 a month so if the digs are to remain at your house, he must fit the Bill.

@Emotionalsupportviper

And if he had owned the house she would be the one not seeing her pets. Would you just say “tough” then?

Trust me he is a narcissist. He says it's your fault that hes seeing sex workers?? 😂😂😂 what a deluded little prick! You don't mention children I'm assuming there isnt any? If so of course he doesn't need to come round 3 or 4 times a week! Not a hope in hell would I let him put one toe over the threshold! Personally I would tell him that any communication is to go through my solicitor from now on (they'd have records of everything then) then I would not say one word to him. Silence is very powerful. If he turns up at the house call the police and report him for harassment. Him telling you he'll be coming round is him trying to intimidate you. Totally blank him. Treat him with the contempt he deserves!

No, because OP isn't a coercively controlling sex worker abuser.

And i imagine in your scenario, she'd not have left til she could take her pets with her.

@KettrickenSmiled

And if she hadn’t of left (that is if she were a man) people on here would say she was being abusive and coercively controlling to stay in the house when he wanted her out

What's your motivation here @ZaSar ?

What argument are you looking to enact, on OP's thread where she needs advice on how to handle this sleaze of an ex who is scaring her with his threats?

If you're looking for a nice derailing little argument about the merits of misandry vs: misogyny, at the expense of OP getting the support she needs, you're barking up the wrong tree with me, as I'm not interested in engaging with you.

HTH & cheerio.

Start your own thread about the poor menz then, this isn’t the place for it. 🙄

@Naunet

This isn’t really the place for anything practical that can help this situation. She needs to talk to her solicited and the police if necessary.

There’s really nothing helpful she can learn on here and she has no way to know how accurate any advice given here will be (legally)

Tbh if it was just about seeing the dogs he'd be asking to come and collect them for walks if he couldn't take them to his own place - not demanding the right to encroach on OPs personal space 4 nights a week.

He's deluded OP. I would check with your solicitor, as it's not a given he would get 50% of the house based on where you are and a couple of other factors

If he cared about his pets that much he’d have taken them with him. There’s also no need whatsoever for he to see them at OPs house, why do you think he’s insisting that he does?

If she'd fucked a pile of men behind his back, used their household money on it, riskrf his health and blamed him for finding out ....... YES.

Are you ok?

Tbh if it was just about seeing the dogs he'd be asking to come and collect them for walks if he couldn't take them to his own place - not demanding the right to encroach on OPs personal space 4 nights a week.

Excellent point.

If I was in the situation and genuinely missing my dogs I'd take them out for long walks etc.

He wants into op's house for legal and financial reasons.

It’s meant to be a place of support for the OP, not for hypothetical random men you feel you need to rush to the defence of. Maybe try Reddit, much more male centric/normal, you may find that more comfortable.

Start your own thread about the poor menz then, this isn’t the place for it.

I know, what is up with this shit.

This guy is absolutely despicable and insane, and she's (?) Focusing on double standards and feeling compassion for him about the dogs.

Direct your compassion where it's deserved FFS.

Are you as concerned about the often vulnerable women he's shoved his dick into and paid a relative pittance for the use of their orifices Zasar?

Are you as concerned about op losing part of an asset she bought alone before they married, in a divorce that she didn't cause ... He did with repeated infidelity.

I have a solicitor. I don’t go to her with his threats of legal action because he’s at it all the time and I don’t know how much is true or whether he’s trying it on. This in particular has been playing on my mind.

OP there's a lot of differing opinions on this thread so I'm not sure how useful it is.

My single piece of advice - this is one time, both because of the nature of his threat and your own unease, that you should at least tell her and get ger legal opinion and advice.

I rather think a woman who'd been off having jollies with sex workers and was outraged with her husband for finding out about it would be too.

If you've only been married for 4 years and you bought the house outright before the marriage and it's only in your name then I find it unlikely he'll have much of a claim to it.

Change the locks and tell him to 'do one' there's no need for him to go back into the house

"Just a few days ago on here I saw a poster whose husband had bought his house before they were married (they were splitting after four years marriage with no kids) being advised by multiple women on here that she had a claim on the house and completely deserved it.

The double standards in reaction on these forums are priceless."

I don't think it is fair to shout 'double standards', @ZaSar - unless you can demonstrate that it is the same posters on this thread and the one you are referencing. Mumsnet is not a single entity with one mind - it is many, many people, all of whom have different experiences, knowledge and opinions, and there is no obligation on any poster to post on all similar threads - so it is probably different people posting on this thread than those who posted on the other one - so a difference of opinion is not wildly surprising.

Despite him seeing sex workers he’s saying this is all my fault for finding out and thanks to me his life is now ruined.

OMG so hard for him. Women are such meanies!!