Separated husband with own place wants access to mine/me

[NoraButty]

Me and husband separated three months ago when I found he’d been using sex workers.

He went to stay with family but has now rented property nearby.

Since he has left I have never refused him access to the house to collect his belongings as long as I have someone there with me for support.

He collected the last of his belongings and has pretty much stripped the house bare.

The house is a marital asset and I accept he will have a share, which I am okay with. But for full disclosure it is fully in my name and purchased outright (no mortgage) by me prior to marriage.

He is saying that he is on with his solicitor to gain full access to my house and intends to come round three or four nights a week.

Is there a chance he would get this access? Bearing in mind he had his own place to live, we are getting divorced and there is nothing in the house bar my minimal belongings.

He was clearly caught on the back foot when his cheating and prostitute use came out, do he moved out and took all his stuff ..... but he's starting to get a bit cleverer and defaulting to his entitled, shameless, arrogant tramp over women type now.

You need to get the occupation order, and then see how you can minimise his claim on the property in the divorce.

I just wondered if you have any thoughts about the OP making a will if she hasn't got one already or updating an existing one to out in whatever clause (s) she needs to make it clear her estate will not got to her ex?

Install a ring doorbell or cameras so if he hassles you then you have proof.

I am praying you are in Scotland OP, our divorce rules are so different!!

Just put of interest, why is cohabitation seen as part of a marriage when they're not married and cohabitation is not seen as equivalent to marriage in other legal areas?

"Lol! Yeah ok dick bag, that sounds completely acceptable and normal. Not." Should be your response.

It is so ridiculous it is almost laughable.

Is he really that deluded? Or could this be a tactical thing - ie, he makes this outlandish demand so you are more likely to agree to a comparably lesser demand? Say, a big chunk of money?

What does he actually want to do in your house for 3/4 nights per week? Apart from trying to worm his way back in.

Do you have children together?

OP, even though you've only been married for four as you were together for fifteen years this potentially complicated matters. I understand your thought process re not contacting your solicitor with every one of his deranged ramblings but I urge you to reconsider. He isn't the man you fell in love with; he's a stranger. You fell in love with someone you believed would be faithful and not put your health at risk. This is not who he really is. Get angry, he's stolen fifteen years from you and now he wants your property too?! Fuck that! Speak to your solicitor, send in every big gun he/she suggests and put the cockwomble in his place.

I've been divorced recently and I can categorically tell you that he is taking the piss.
He won't get any of the house. Assets that you owned outright prior to the marriage cannot be taken from you. My ex tried to get half my house and got nothing even though we had been married for 20 years and I'd put the house in his name only.. He was well pissed off and tried to get me to take him back - I said no because he'd run off with another woman.
He got £5k and I changed all the locks.
Why does he want access to the house?
Ignore his solicitor also they are paid to do stupid things by their clients, doesn't mean it's legal.
Get an appointment with a really good solicitor and they will tell you what you can expect from the courts.
Meanwhile don't let him rattle you - they all try it on when they are about to lose their easy life.

Sorry not his name only - joint names - didn't make any difference because I'd owned the house before he came along.

As you've only been married for 4 years and you brought your house outright before marriage, he might not have as big a claim as he thinks.

This sounds like a strategy that may possibly have been encouraged by his legal advisor - but that’s a total layman’s guess on my part based on anecdotal evidence from friends’ divorces.

You need proper RL legal counsel pronto, OP. Even the people on here who appear to know what they’re talking about (& bear in mind you’ve had vastly differing opinions on this thread) are random strangers on the internet. This is a great place for support and sound advice in many situations, but not this one. Don’t change the locks or make any knee jerk decisions based on what’s been said here or you could be in danger of compromising your own position going forward.

If he goes to a court room and demands access to his ex's house when he has his own place and none of his belongings there the judge will know he's an abusive knobhead. His solicitor will have told him the same thing, hence why he's saying it to you rather than you getting any letters from his solicitor etc.

@NoraButty A four year marriage would be considered "short" to say the least. I think you've got a very good chance of keeping your assets. Has he made a court application?

Thank you everyone. To answer your questions, I live in England. We have no children together. It is and always has been my sole name on the deeds.

He has given me a huge long list worth of reasons why he saw sex workers but he has never blamed me. They are mostly self serving excuses for example, I have only ever had three girlfriends, I thought it would be like a massage - only better, what I did was outside our relationship, I didn’t want a girlfriend - I’ve not been unfaithful.

I’ve had the STD screen and fortunately I am all clear.

His excuse for wanting to come round is to see the dogs. I love them so much but understand that technically they are his as they are in his name. At first he wanted both, then one, then neither (I gave this conversation in writing). He has rented a property that doesn’t allow pets and he works all day out of the house. They cost £500 per month due to needed dog walkers which I suspect he doesn’t want to pay.

I know he has seen a solicitor as he forwarded me an email they sent him outlining what he is ‘entitled to’, but am suspicious he takes advice from people he knows. I think this because a lot of what he says and does doesn’t make sense. I’ve never had a letter from his solicitor so he could be trying it on.

When I’m thinking rationally and not rattled by him … We will be divorced by April next year, the house will be sold ASAP. I’m not convinced he’d get an order to occupy within that time frame of how much it would cost him.

As always, people pile in with advice, when OP hasn't even said which country she lives in

Depending where you live, he may have a legal right to occupy the house while you remain married, despite it being in your sole name

I don't say this to worry you unnecessarily, but please be careful of taking legal advice from unqualified, well meaning strangers on the internet

Thanks for the kind correction

Make a similar post on the legal forum in Mumsnet alongside this one.

Are you in Scotland?

A poster on here thinks it's 50 50 starting point and that cohabition is counted towards the years married.

I'm in NI and I was told, 8 yrs married, my name only on house, he might get 25%

This is stalking and coersive control.
Keep a record of every interaction to build a picture for the police and courts. Have a look at resources about this on the paladin website or via the stalking helpline.
Take this seriously as he is clearly obsessed with maintaining access to you.

Has he registered his "matrimonial home rights"? Yes, you can be forced to allow him access to the house until the financial settlement is completed.

Agreed - also, do you have Dc together OP?

Either way, a good lawyer will make mincemeat of his threats to invade your home.
If you have DC - you need to provide a home for them & it will be the marital home, which you purchased prior to marriage. You may have to make some kind of % payment to him once the DC are grown & moved out - but as he has his own rented property, he has no case to enter your home.

If you don't have DC - & I suspect you don't? - you have a good case for "2 adults, each takes out of the marriage what they brought in to it."

TALK TO YOUR LAWYER URGENTLY about this anyway, but you could test his resolve about this quite easily if HE also has assets. You could tell him that if he sees fit to challenge your bar on him entering your home, you will be going for half his pension. See what the controlling fucker says to that.

Despite him seeing sex workers he’s saying this is all my fault for finding out and thanks to me his life is now ruined.

Just repeating this so you can see what he said in bold print. Yes, he really does believe he’s entitled to everything, responsible for nothing, and anything that goes wrong is your fault.

Don’t let him steal another thing from you. Get a lawyer who will fight for you.

You should ask your own solicitor about this.
I don't think he can come round whenever he likes. He's just trying it on.
Don't respond to anything he says/sends. Keep a record of everything. Tell him to take everything through the solicitor.

The dogs also need to be discussed as part of the settlement. They are his dogs and they are costing 500 a month? Are you going to end up having to keep them and pay all that on your own? I am sure you love them and want the best for them but it does need to be talked about. If the dogs are going to stay with you and he then wants to have access to them it's going to be a nightmare. You really need him gone out of your life after the divorce and not be still connected to them because of the dogs.