Separated husband with own place wants access to mine/me

[NoraButty]

Me and husband separated three months ago when I found he’d been using sex workers.

He went to stay with family but has now rented property nearby.

Since he has left I have never refused him access to the house to collect his belongings as long as I have someone there with me for support.

He collected the last of his belongings and has pretty much stripped the house bare.

The house is a marital asset and I accept he will have a share, which I am okay with. But for full disclosure it is fully in my name and purchased outright (no mortgage) by me prior to marriage.

He is saying that he is on with his solicitor to gain full access to my house and intends to come round three or four nights a week.

Is there a chance he would get this access? Bearing in mind he had his own place to live, we are getting divorced and there is nothing in the house bar my minimal belongings.

In the whirlwind after separating my xdh reversed his shiny new car into the bright yellow skip on my drive. He wanted my insurance details as this was obviously my fault. I was so boggled at that stage I thought it might be. The lovely supportive vipers of Mumsnet quickly put me straight.

If you have no children and just a 4 year marriage there's no reason you can't argue to keep the house. Definitely worth a bit of solicitor time.

He is unbelievable. You’ve ruined his life?? You are well rid of him. I’d fight giving him any payoff out of your house 4 years is a short marriage…

He's crackers. But you know this, you've been with him for 15 years, over which period he has probably fairly successfully managed to convince you that it's you that is mentally impaired not him.

Well it's him.

Locksmith if there is any chance he has a key.
Solicitors letter regarding his presence at the property.
Rigng doorbell front and back.

Carry on as you are and get that fool divorced asap. Four years is a fairly short marriage, you don't mention kids, it's likely he won't get his mitts on your house but do ask your solicitor, that's what they're there for.

Remember, just because he says something doesn't mean it's real. He will be pulling all the tricks out now, ignore it, it's literally a tantrum.

Find out for sure what your legal position is, from your solicitor, and carry on as you are.

haha. Agree with PP - he's batshit crazy.

Definitely definitely talk to the solicitor. It's definitely not true that he can just wander in and out of your house whenever he likes. Are there children involved?

As for the asset - he might have some claim on the house but I would think based on the length of the marriage and the fact that you paid for it by yourself pre-marriage that its unlikely he'd have much of a claim (although, did you live in it together before marriage and he contributed to mortgage - because that would increase any claims).

Either way, a solicitor can advise you on the specifics and you absolutely should be talking to them.

By the way, next time you question yourself remind yourself that this is a man who is blaming YOU for finding out about HIS use of sex workers?

Actually, I'm kind of surprised he's not blaming you for using them in the first place.

I have a feeling he has but op just hasn't elaborated on that.

Get alarms, get security, get legal advice and get him away from you.

A lovely lady has just been murdered by her ex - she was asking for advice on alarms and security last weekend, he killed her in her own house this weekend.

Fucking entitled bastard exes.

Ha ha . He’s like my cat , trying to mark his territory.. I own it not him.

It's territorial, it's really common for them to leave something "important" that you can't touch, and can't be moved (for a reason that makes no sense) behind, even when they do clear their stuff out, and they're not particularly batshit.

It's a hook they've still got into you, when you've thrown all the other ones off.

@Mumsgirls haha I wrote something about dogs and lamp posts and deleted it, you're so right!

Four years married, you owned the house outright, and he's admitted to what he's done? I'd definitely get legal advice and make the prick never got into the house again.

Best of luck!

Fucking hell. I'd be amazed if he gets half of that house. Absolutely lock the crazy bastard out and never let him in again. Tell him in writing to never return to the house, contact via solicitor and report to the police if he does turn up.

And make sure your solicitor is decent - she should at least be trying keep the house for you after a four year marriage when you owned the house previously. And do let her know about all of his approaches, keep a written log and keep hold of any evidence.

It might be territorial but I think it's more likely a solicitor or someone else had told him he will have less of a claim if he's not been living there, as a family home/his home, for some time before the divorce settlement.

Unfortunately I don't think the advice you have been given is correct. Not able to link but look at the england shelter website. It says a spouse does have rights of access to marital home even if they're not on the Deeds. It would need a court order to enact so not straight forward and bear in mind a narcissistic personality is likely to threaten a lot of things to get back at you, it may not happen.

Secondly as far as I am aware, cohabiting is added to length of marriage so technically this could be counted as a long marriage and 50/50 starting point for assets.

The information given here is not legally accurate. If it was your marital home it will almost certainly be regarded as a marital asset. This doesn't always mean he will get 50% but may well be entitled to something.

Please get proper legal advice or at the very least post in legal where there are some great lawyers who can give you an idea of the legal position regarding his right of access..

If the home was never lived in a the marital home things are much clearer but by the sound of it this was not the case.

Absolutely don’t give him access! He is trying to control or intimidate you. I wouldn’t assume that your house will be a matrimonial asset and, if it is, he may still not get 50%.

Four years? Mate get yourself a solicitor ASAP

I'm in NI and when I went to a solicitor about 8 yrs into marriage about a property that I owned on only my name, bought before marriage or even the relationship, she says off the top of her head, he might get 25%.

Surely this can’t be real? This man can’t genuinely think he can say and act this way and you are going to put up with that?

well done OP, your house is not a marital asset, it is yours. He clearly came to you with fuck all and he can leave with fuck all. And good riddance!

your house is not a marital asset

She needs to get solicitors advice on that asap.

Also on the rights to enter etc the former family home that a poster has highlighted above.

Agree with this. Also in England assets are divided according to need. What does he need to rehome himself? Nothing to do with who owned what pre marriage.

Also his conduct (barring serious life changing violence or disadvantage to the other party) is irrelevant. You won't end up with more because he's an awful individual.

I feel for you, awful husbands/wives don't improve on divorce 💐

If he does indeed have rights to enter and reside in the former family home until the divorce settlement, I think I'd be speaking to womens aid, Rights of women and a solicitor about what could be done to prevent that ....possibly a petition or whatever the right word is for not cohabiting, now that he's moved out and has alternative accommodation due to distress caused by his adultery, and distress caused by his use of prostitutes and subsequently anxiety around std infections & screening and awaiting results, alongside any behaviour of his that could be deemed abusive or threatening etc etc.

There must be a way of keeping this stain out of your property, you need to box clever here.

Lots of very bad advice on her on the legal position.

The marriage might only have been 4 years but they were together for 15. Assuming they lived together for most of not all of that time will be seen as the period of the marriage. Putting this relation in the long marriage spectrum rather than a short marriage.

The act of getting married makes it a marital asset and he can legally claims rights over that property. Whether he would or should is a different matter.

The OP should see a solicitor and will probably be advised to get an occupation order that excludes him from the property until a financial order is agreed.

He is behaviour is batshit. But it is really important that the OP doesn’t engage on that level.

OP I get not replying to all his bluster and buffoonery. But this is a threat and at the very least is harassment. Deal with it properly via a solicitor.

Legally, I believe, he never had an automatic right to be within your property boundary let alone enter your property. OK so now he has all his stuff, change the locks and ignore him. Please find a great solicitor who'll hopefully shut down your ex's futile demands and of course double check whether your home is truly a marital asset. Document everything with dates especially his behaviour and communication. I know for a fact a Judge looks at all this of both parties (plus communications with solicitors) if and when it gets too contentious and you can't agree on a final settlement.

The OP should see a solicitor and will probably be advised to get an occupation order that excludes him from the property until a financial order is agreed.

Please do this asap op.

Before he pursues the equivalent for himself.