Separated husband with own place wants access to mine/me

[NoraButty]

Me and husband separated three months ago when I found he’d been using sex workers.

He went to stay with family but has now rented property nearby.

Since he has left I have never refused him access to the house to collect his belongings as long as I have someone there with me for support.

He collected the last of his belongings and has pretty much stripped the house bare.

The house is a marital asset and I accept he will have a share, which I am okay with. But for full disclosure it is fully in my name and purchased outright (no mortgage) by me prior to marriage.

He is saying that he is on with his solicitor to gain full access to my house and intends to come round three or four nights a week.

Is there a chance he would get this access? Bearing in mind he had his own place to live, we are getting divorced and there is nothing in the house bar my minimal belongings.

what I did was outside our relationship, I didn’t want a girlfriend - I’ve not been unfaithful.

This reminds me of a thread on here with a young female poster, church goer (as was her fiancé) whose fiancé, it transpired a long term user of prostitutes, said he'd been "totally faithful" other than his use of prostitutes during their relationship.

So basically they put prostitutes and sex with them in a handy fenced area of "not real infidelity" because it is not a relationship.

How very fucking convenient.

And how weird that marriage vows and contracts don't state "forsaking all others, except prostitutes".

But the most interesting thing I wonder about is whether they'd consider their wives having sex with eg male prostitutes/escorts in the same realm. Would they consider them to not have been unfaithful... Because the men they had sex with weren't boyfriends/lovers.

How very strange that they didn't discuss that exception at the start, since it's not infidelity, there's nothing v bad with it, and of course, the same rules apply to their wives/partners.🤔

Quite a few months ago a female poster who had moved out of the marital home posted about wanting to return to the marital home to see the dogs. Everyone told her she was more than entitled to do this regardless of how much her ex opposed it. Nobody suggested it was coercive.

I don’t think it is a good idea regardless of the background. Mainly because it can lead to confrontation and dropping into someone’s home when you don’t live there is a dick move.

But until there is a financial order signed off by a court he has rights over that property because they are married. It doesn’t matter who paid for it or what the deeds say. Which is what we tell women all the time. That legal position doesn’t change because he is a man.

If he felt he hadn't had enough sex with enough different women before your relationship, then he could've not gotten into a relationship with you and remedied that (with non sex workers or sex workers) before the relationship or marriage.
Noone put a gun to his head to get into an exclusive relationship or get married. He had free will

The reality is he wanted both, a regular, exclusive partner and variety/extra etc. on the side, behind her back, while she was faithful to him.

The wanted a massage but "better" thing ...... A massage is a massage, a massage with sexual services is another. And it is infidelity if there are any sexual services. As it would be if you booked a massage with a non "legit" masseur who offered sexual services as part of the massage.

And the two types of companies and venues that offer legit sports/relaxation massages do not cross over, so you know what you're booking and why you're booking it.

This is probably a time when you should speak to her though

How galling to have to give your home up to this man!!!

do not let him in, do not give access to the dogs and don’t assume he will get 50pc of your house.

you don’t have to agree to that and don’t be fooled by his legal advice either!!

paying 500 to a dog Walker is a lot of money!

make sure he is paying half of that if you insist on letting him see the dogs otherwise it’s a no!

Get an absolutely shit hot divorce lawyer, it’s worth the money it will cost.

what I did was outside our relationship, I didn’t want a girlfriend - I’ve not been unfaithful

Outside the relationship is unfaithful. Would he have such "difficulty" understanding that if it was you who'd gone outside the relationship for sex with other men.

What avile bully. I know nothing of the legal situation but hope you can and will use this against him. Hope you're OK.

I think he thinks it will go in his favour in the asset division in the divorce settlement.

Surely 4 years is a short marriage so he's entitled to sweet fuck all anyway?

You need to get a good solicitor as he may have a claim. It would also help if the 15 years of you ‘being together’ weren’t all continuous cohabitation. In that case it’d be harder to claim your relationship prior to marriage is part of ‘marital’ time.

In my divorce - we had kids. And in that situation - cohabiting is often added to the duration of marriage. Yes - it’s strange because generally it doesn’t give women legal rights on its own. But that is how it is.
It may be that if there are no children - it isn’t counted.
But you do need proper advice. ASAP

Just don’t engage with him at any point. All communication through your solicitor because you will never get your point across and he’ll just gaslight you and further unsettle you with his absurdities

I’m not convinced he’d get an order to occupy within that time frame of how much it would cost

How long and what cost would it take for you to get one for yourself?

The dogs .... They're "in his name" but he's not capable of having them or looking after them where he's living.

He's extremely lucky you're keeping them and looking after them.

So it's not about the house it's about seeing the dogs?

"Despite him seeing sex workers he’s saying this is all my fault for finding out and thanks to me his life is now ruined."

Absurd. Yes, your fault for finding out!! Not the fact he's done all of this...

Does he contact you with these things? If so, next time just direct him to your solicitor! His solicitor will have to contact yours, and once it starts actively costing him money to be a spoilt brat he might think twice?

Stay strong 💪❤️

🤔

I'm sure it all 100% about his wittle doggy woggies.

Not about op "ruining his life" and swanning off (!) with the asset he thought he was getting a good shot at, while he lives in a rental that doesn't allow pets.

Yeah, and this.

If it costs him money to harass and threaten you, you might find you get a lot less communication.

He can do it for free atm, cause you're letting him.

Looks like the house might NOT be up for grabs!

I think if you can trace this use of sex workers back in history a bit, if you can prove he was using prostitutes a lot of the time, you might be able to put a case together for him marrying you to try to take your house etc. fight hard on this, I think you’ll actually win and he can walk with very little.

I’m certain he will be absolutely thrilled to pay his £500 per month (backdated of course) to enable access to his beloved pooches, NOT. He can FOTTOSOFAWHGTHCKOFO!!!

It’s worth remembering that a forwarded email can be edited so whatever it says he is entitled to may not be accurate. You need to get yourself to a solicitors pronto.

😂🤣

Google: oratto.co.uk/wiki/family-law-solicitor/short-marriage-divorce

A poster has sayd they think the cohabitation could be counted towards the marriage and put it into the long marriage category.

But someone else thinks that might only be if there are kids.