Where is ChopinandChampagne? LB update?

[gianfrancogorgonzola]

Really hope you see this C&C, I was following your other threads (name change a lot) and wanted to check in to see how you are.

🙏🏼

Thank you so much for your lovely birthday messages, which I really appreciate.

I am sorry for not replying sooner but my dog, my gentle giant German Shepherd, who was just a couple of weeks shy of his 14th birthday, was really poorly over the last few days and sadly had to be PTS yesterday.

I miss him so much, but I know he had a full and happy life. I grieve for him but also he is another link to DH, so his death has brought back so many memories. I remember when he was a puppy - the dog that is 😀- and how small he was and hadn't quite grown into his ears. And then he just grew and grew and grew...!!

This cycle of life and death, endings and beginnings, goes on, but I would welcome some more life and beginnings, although so grateful for what I have had. DH loved cats but always said he never 'voted for any of the animals' but once they arrived was devoted to them. I like to think that they are with him now.

I'm sorry @ChopinandChampagne 😢 that's really sad about your lovely dog.

And I understand what you mean about the link to DH

Awwwww I love my pets so much and it's so painful when it's their time.

Those super huge ears, I can imagine how much it reminds you that DH is not there to share the memories with.

Hugs x

Sending you a gentle hug my dear. God bless you. 🌹

I am so sorry about your dog. My DH died 4 years ago. My 12 year old cat is one of the remaining links to him and another link will be broken when she eventually goes.

I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved dog @ChopinandChampagne.
Our beloved dog died a good few years ago but it's only recently that I've lost the ability to remember the smell of him.
The love never dies.

Thank you so much for your lovely messages! Before he grew into his ears 😀

Sorry for the duplicate, my IT skills are not the best! 🤣

So sorry for this loss, what a gorgeous dog.

Felicitations and mind yourself.

They’re not a ears, there’re radar dishes!
He looked like a lovely dog and he would have had a lovely life with you and DH.
Thinking of you.

Don’t apologise for a duplicate of that beautiful boy, he’s gorgeous, so sorry for your loss xx

@ChopinandChampagne How fantastic that your gorgeous boy reached nearly14 years, you must have given him a wonderful life. So sorry for your loss, GSDs are the best, and yours looks like a lovely boy.

What an adorable puppy 💕

So sorry about your dog Chopin, what a beautiful boy. Losing a pet after losing a husband or wife can be especially traumatic, because of the links between the pet and the person who has been lost. So take extra care of yourself now and plan some nice things to do, meeting loved friends etc.
re the ASD. My own experience is rather different, in that my ASD friends of either sex, are especially kind, considerate and thoughtful. My male ASD friend is very blunt, but in a straightforward way , he would apologise swiftly and feel terrible if he upset anyone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you so much love. X

Heartbreaking for you xxxxx

How are you doing @ChopinanChampagne @ChopinandChampagne

Thank you for your lovely messages.

I'm still grieving the loss of my dear four legged friend, although he was more than that, he was a member of the family in every respect. I remember him as a puppy - there was small place in the kitchen where he used to curl up in the foetal position - he still tried to do it when he was fully grown, especially if there were fireworks, and couldn't quite work it out why he didn't fit any more 😁. He was terrified of fireworks and I used to dread the 5th November - the only advantage of his becoming deaf in old age was that he could no longer hear them. I have his ashes, along with those of my Westie, who died two weeks after DH. I also still have DH's ashes. I need to do something with all of them really....

But I am generally ok, thank you Muppetshair and everyone. I have been keeping quite busy, have seen friends old and new, and am looking for some volunteering opportunities. I am taking up yoga and pilates (well, I have signed up for it, so it's as good as doing it, right?😂).

Today is DD2's PIP assessment which I am accompanying her to - well, it's actually on line. SirVixofVixHall - DD2 is as you have described your friends, so kind and thoughtful, very sensitive to others and extremely kind. I am very proud of her. She is also very anxious, which is common with many people with ASD, I believe. She and DD3 need a lot of support, which I try to give, as best I can, although conscious I can do better. It's quite a learning curve.

Having spent a lot of time researching ASD, especially Aspergers (although I think it is now classified as ASD category 1), I am convinced that DD1 also has it and, I suspect, DGD1. It doesn't do to overanalyse or be an amateur neurologist, but the more I look into it, the more I think that DH was Aspergers and certainly his aunt was a text book case, quote probably also his father and sister. All of them remarkably bright and high achievers but quite 'quirky', all wonderful individuals.

When I made LB leave my house, all those years ago, during my first thread, I see with hindsight that DD1's upset and hysteria was probably a 'meltdown'. She was having them quite often then, which I put down to LB although, as some of you will know if you read the original thread, that I already had my concerns about him and his attempts to control my DD. I had very bad vibes about him and how he behaved in relation to the house purchase - the one which I pulled out of, because I didn't trust him and didn't want her to be tied to him. It was a very strong instinct.

I haven't heard from DD1, of course, although I sent her an Easter card saying how much I loved her and also sent her an email to tell her about the loss of T (GSD). I don't know if I will ever see her again and I suppose she is almost in the same category as my DH, someone whom I've loved and lost, who is always with me, always part of me, but is no longer tangible.

Stay strong @ChopinanChampagne.
And I'll add 💐 to those from @RandomMess.

Your instinct wasn’t wrong about LB….however if you google it appears that Asperger girls are more susceptible to exploitation in relationships……might be worth researching and giving your other DD a heads up and some tools / knowledge around boundaries and red flags.

So sorry for the constant and compounding losses for you. It must be hard to miss so much of the DGC and their development and milestones.

I wonder if no4 is on the cards?

I also suspect that you can time a reconnection once the money has run dry trying to make viable the unviable.

Are you still in lose contact with LBs parents?

Thank you for the flowers and these ones don't give me hay fever!

Muppetshair - you are absolutely right in saying that Aspie girls and women can be vulnerable to controlling men. DD1 was in a previous controlling relationship and DD2 and DD3 have also met such men, but had the sense and the strength to get away. DD2 now has a lovely partner, who is very caring and supportive. DD3 is still wary.

I am not sure that the money will run dry as such, at least not in the short term. Obviously, they are never going to be able to run the small holding as a going concern, but they have some sort of grant for new farmers, which is quite generous, child benefit for the three DC, and they produce a lot of their own food, meat, dairy, eggs, chickens, vegetables etc. They chop their own wood to drive the boiler for hot water and also have wood burning stoves for heating, although it's not very efficient in my view. It feels cold and damp, and there is a problem with mould.

They don't spend any money as they never go out, and I mean never - no trips, holidays, cinema, meals out etc. They don't use hairdressers or have takeaways or anything like that. They don't employ tradespeople, as LB insists on doing everything. They have very gender specific roles, with DD1 regarding LB as being 'head of the household', the one who makes the decisions, and she does all of the childcare, cooking, cleaning etc. The only place they visit is the church. It's all a bit 'The Handmaid's Tale'. I have actually felt quite uncomfortable when I have been there.

The problems I feel will come later, when the novelty wears off and the day to day drudgery and sheer hard work of caring for three DC, with no assistance or support, becomes too much and grinds her down. TBH, I admire her for surviving so well and for so long. And, although they have the money from the sale of the two houses in the North East and I know that LB has put a lot of thought into investing it wisely, it is not going to be enough to sustain them long term; there is no pension provision and no back up plan. Perhaps my demise is the back up plan, but they are not investing much thought or strategy into it! 🙄

I fear for DD's isolation. She reached out to DD2 recently, who didn't feel able to reply, and also to her former best friend of many years. But I don't think DD1 realises just how much she has hurt people and how you cannot just discard family and friends and then pick them up, as and when. LB doesn't have any friends and doesn't seem to like his family very much, but DD1 wasn't like that. She has literally nobody to turn to and I worry about that.

I think it’s very sad that your DD1 is so emotionally and physically isolated and this has obviously reached extreme levels due to where and how they live. Did she reach out to DD2 and her old friend after she cut you off?

Do you know if the DC are going to school?

I can imagine that the novelty would have worn off v soon especially with 3 v small children thru a bleak west of Ireland winter. She must be on her knees.