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Original poster

Nobody came to my party

344 replies

ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 09:09

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

OP posts:
GG1986 · 06/11/2022 11:25

Message them and ask them why they didn't come? It's really crappy and I would be upset too, but I would also ask why. Hope you are ok x

FartNRoses · 06/11/2022 11:26

But if he invited hem 5-6 weeks ago and not sent a follow up message reminding them of the day and time then of course they’d forget!!

sagalooshoe · 06/11/2022 11:26

I think if I arranged a party for my fiance and plenty of people for a party came (you can have a great time with just 2 or 3 people, let alone 10) but then my fiance cried all night because their friends from far away didn't come I'd feel like crap. Could you not put a brave face on it and be happy you have a party and just be really glad you have a lovely fiance and some good local joint friends?
Also, the trains were buggered and you say it was a 'long drive'. Not many people want to go to a party where they can't drink and let their hair down. You need to put things in perspective.

Benjispruce4 · 06/11/2022 11:27

Sounds like you had enough people to make a party. Misleading title.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 06/11/2022 11:27

and the weather
people may not want to travel

HariboMuncher · 06/11/2022 11:27

People turned up so focus on that.

Also, if you're having a wedding and hen do coming up people might have deprioritised a birthday party; three events focused on you in a relatively short space of time is a lot.

Theblacksheepandme · 06/11/2022 11:27

PurpleButterflyWings · 06/11/2022 10:22

What a truly unpleasant post. Hmm Talk about kicking someone when they're down! Absolutely no need for that at all @Theblacksheepandme Do you feel better after that snide little dig? There's absolutely nothing wrong whatsover, with what the OP's DH did, trying to make her feel special on her birthday. You sound a bit jealous actually. Wink (And shame on @ahunf for laughing at it..) Hmm

Anyway @ScrabbleChamp64 I am sorry your friends/the people your DH invited let you down, but as a few posters have said, more info would be good. How many people were actually there?

If I had 12-15 family members - incl DC and DH, and one close friend there; and the 10 other DH had invited who were old colleagues, old neighbours, old school mates etc, didn't come, I'd be a bit annoyed but not crushed, as all the people I love and care for the most would be there.

More info needed I think. How many people - including children - were actually there?

Show quote history

Absolutely nothing wrong with OPs partner wanting to do something special. The feeling like a Princess is what I have a problem with. Do we as women not want equality? The use of this language is outdated. We want to be treated as equals not Princesses. I am not jealous and the thought of this happening sounds horrible. That is why I wanted more information on how her partner organised the party.

Original poster
ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:30

creideamhdóchasgrá · 06/11/2022 11:24

Expectations were high because

He told me me that he had arranged for all my friends to come and celebrate with me.

It looks like that had not been arranged so your expectations were not met and that does cause disappointment.

Sorry to hear you are heartbroken. I really hope your day picks up and you find some comfort. Take good care of yourself and go gently today :)

I think that’s right. I was told they were all coming so I was excited to see everyone.

Fiancé has shown me the correspondence with one of my (male) friends.

Fiancé: Hey mate, organising a party for scrabble’s birthday, do you want to come?

Friend: sure, might have to work, let me know the full plan nearer the time and I’ll come

Fiancé: cool see you then

So that one I’m not surprised didn’t come!

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 06/11/2022 11:30

ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:30

I think that’s right. I was told they were all coming so I was excited to see everyone.

Fiancé has shown me the correspondence with one of my (male) friends.

Fiancé: Hey mate, organising a party for scrabble’s birthday, do you want to come?

Friend: sure, might have to work, let me know the full plan nearer the time and I’ll come

Fiancé: cool see you then

So that one I’m not surprised didn’t come!

Show quote history

Exactly as I suspected.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/11/2022 11:32

"One of the people who didn’t come had an engagement party last year a 4 hour drive away on a awful shitty weather day and we went so it’s hurtful she couldn’t be bothered to come to see me on my big birthday."

4 hours! Whether it's 4 hours driving or 8 hours there and back I wouldn't do that in one day. I can understand that they wouldn't come unless they were offered the option of staying over at yours.

Original poster
ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:33

sagalooshoe · 06/11/2022 11:26

I think if I arranged a party for my fiance and plenty of people for a party came (you can have a great time with just 2 or 3 people, let alone 10) but then my fiance cried all night because their friends from far away didn't come I'd feel like crap. Could you not put a brave face on it and be happy you have a party and just be really glad you have a lovely fiance and some good local joint friends?
Also, the trains were buggered and you say it was a 'long drive'. Not many people want to go to a party where they can't drink and let their hair down. You need to put things in perspective.

To be clear I didn’t cry all night. I did the party with the people who came and it went okay. This morning I’m feeling sad that lots of people didn’t show up for me and a bit bad for my one friend who made the effort to travel

OP posts:
Outtasteamandluck · 06/11/2022 11:33

Title is misleading.

It actually transpires people did come to your party.

redbigbananafeet · 06/11/2022 11:33

Missing the point but in what way was it a surprise party? If you saw the preparations going up and knew about the event it might have been worth while messaging friends yourself? Sorry you were let down by your friends. Are you going to ask them about it?

Original poster
ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:33

Gwenhwyfar · 06/11/2022 11:32

"One of the people who didn’t come had an engagement party last year a 4 hour drive away on a awful shitty weather day and we went so it’s hurtful she couldn’t be bothered to come to see me on my big birthday."

4 hours! Whether it's 4 hours driving or 8 hours there and back I wouldn't do that in one day. I can understand that they wouldn't come unless they were offered the option of staying over at yours.

it wouldn’t be 4 hours for them because they would be coming from a different location to where their party was…and we did it for them!

OP posts:
sheepdogdelight · 06/11/2022 11:34

I'll be honest that I wouldn't be travelling to a party of this nature to see a friend who didn't live locally. Particularly if only 5 or 6 weeks notice.

The reason being is that if I made the effort to travel, I'd want to be able to spend quality time with my friend, not be forced to make small talk to people I didn't know for most of the evening and potentially hardly see my friend at all, as they would be moving between lots of people. I'd also feel my presence wouldn't really be missed as there would be plenty of others there. I would, however, be totally happy to go to a party for a less good friend who lived very close, as it's much easier to just pop in for a couple of hours! And that's exactly what has happened here.

I think your fiance organise this with the best intentions but I think he pitched it wrong. If it had been organised as a whole weekend with your closest friends, further in advance, I suspect more would have come. As it was, I suspect they thought it was a casual "drop in if you can" thing and decided it was too far to come.

Original poster
ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:34

redbigbananafeet · 06/11/2022 11:33

Missing the point but in what way was it a surprise party? If you saw the preparations going up and knew about the event it might have been worth while messaging friends yourself? Sorry you were let down by your friends. Are you going to ask them about it?

My fiancé took me out while some people set up. When I got back he told me he had arranged a party

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 06/11/2022 11:34

I have to say I think this may well be poor communication and inviting going on

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 06/11/2022 11:34

The update confirms what I was thinking as I read the thread.

If 1 in 10 showed up, I suspected maybe the organisation and communication wasn't great. I'm sure your partner is lovely and meant well, but there's a skill to throwing a party and if it's usually you who does this stuff, he probably has no idea.

Original poster
ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:36

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 06/11/2022 11:34

The update confirms what I was thinking as I read the thread.

If 1 in 10 showed up, I suspected maybe the organisation and communication wasn't great. I'm sure your partner is lovely and meant well, but there's a skill to throwing a party and if it's usually you who does this stuff, he probably has no idea.

My friend who did travel is quite type A with plans i.e. gets the invitation, writes in diary, followed up with my fiancé to confirm details when she was missing information

OP posts:
FightingFatAt49 · 06/11/2022 11:36

I was feeling sorry for you reading the OP, but after reading your further posts I think you're being dramatic. Of course it's upsetting that some of your friends didn't come, but you had other friends and family there - I really hope you didn't let on to them that the party was shit because 'nobody' turned up when they were all there.

sagalooshoe · 06/11/2022 11:36

When you say 'big birthday', what age do you mean?

Original poster
ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/11/2022 11:38

FightingFatAt49 · 06/11/2022 11:36

I was feeling sorry for you reading the OP, but after reading your further posts I think you're being dramatic. Of course it's upsetting that some of your friends didn't come, but you had other friends and family there - I really hope you didn't let on to them that the party was shit because 'nobody' turned up when they were all there.

I have already said that I didn’t do this and that I was very grateful to the friend who made the effort and those who did the set up.

OP posts:
ElmoNeedsThePotty · 06/11/2022 11:39

@sagalooshoe 30 although the woe is me "no one came" title when they clearly did, indicates much younger.

RosetteNebula · 06/11/2022 11:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SpookyWookyBoo · 06/11/2022 11:41

Well I'd look at it this way,I wouldn't be wasting hen do or wedding invitation to the ones that didn't come.