Did DH cheat or is this a joke?

[Newuser1987]

Got a DM on Instagram this morning. Private account but definitely not a fake one.

From a young woman claiming she has slept with my husband a few weeks ago and thought I deserved to know.

She knows details about a birth Mark on his chest and a tattoo on his ankle. But DH wears shorts a lot so lots would have seen the ankle tattoo. He does talk about his birth Mark as well so a lot of people know he has one. So I'm hoping that this is just someone stirring but wanted to post on here to get clarity and that I'm not just trying to comfort myself.

A few months ago he had a string of mysterious phone calls which led to a huge row as he wouldn't answer the phone to the mysterious person then started saying i was getting worked up over nothing. Nothing since then tho so other than that I have no reason to believe he has cheated.

I Will confront him but it's just his word against this random person on Instagram right? I'm calm thinking it's just someone stirring. But what if it's not? How would you feel?

Can't exactly break up over one set of messages from a random woman. We have 3 kids together.

[Thisonetoday]

She could easily block out her name/identifying information on the screenshots then send them. I would ask her to do that. It does seem very suspicious so I would definitely be trying to get evidence.

[Newuser1987]

I think I've got as much out of her as I can. She's given dates that are completely plausible.

She's said she doesn't want to be involved anymore and won't send screenshots in case I post them online.

Earlier she started deleting her original messages to me and I angrily told her I'd already screenshot everything (I hadn't). Prob got her back up and she thinks I'm going to humiliate her.

DH will be home from football match any minute now. I'm in 2 minds whether to just confront him now but I've got no more evidence and he will just deny it.

[CiderJolly]

Look in all his deleted, archived chats etc
Look in his contacts, notifications

[BorisJohnsonsHair]

Maybe she didn't know he was married at the time and wanted you to know after she found out?

[DucklingDaisy]

@Newuser1987

I think I've got as much out of her as I can. She's given dates that are completely plausible.

She's said she doesn't want to be involved anymore and won't send screenshots in case I post them online.

Earlier she started deleting her original messages to me and I angrily told her I'd already screenshot everything (I hadn't). Prob got her back up and she thinks I'm going to humiliate her.

DH will be home from football match any minute now. I'm in 2 minds whether to just confront him now but I've got no more evidence and he will just deny it.

Do what over posters have suggested and tell him she’s told you everything and shown you screenshots of messages and a covert photo she took when she was with him. Ask him to explain himself and don’t back down. Catch him off guard and be confident.

[Newuser1987]

I've tried looking at his work phone contacts and found a few women with her name so don't know which one is her as her Insta only has her first name. But there are no messages from her on his phone anyway. Just his male colleagues on text. WhatsApp is empty.

[Uberstar]

I found out about my husbands affair because the OW messaged me on Facebook.
he’d promised her he’d spend the night with her, then chose to spend it with me (I had no idea about her up until this point!) she was furious so told me everything.
so from experience, yes I’d be inclined to believe her. Sorry OP x

[ChecoPerez]

Honestly for me, the fact she's deleting her messages to you is a bit of a red flag and then getting arsey that you're taking screenshots.!?

It's definitely a bit suspect though!

[Openanursery]

Try to get more information. You could find out when she met with him etc. If the dates match up then ask your DH

[mumda]

Message her saying you've packed his bags and he's loading up the car to come to hers

[Moveoverdarlin]

I would wait until tonight when the kids are in bed and when you’re both relaxed I’d say ‘ooh I had an interesting phone call today…’ He’ll say ‘oh yeah?’ You say ‘yeah Joanne Bloggs’. Watch his reaction, you’ll know straight away. Don’t give anything away, just say ‘yeah very interesting chat, she told me all about you and her, what’s your version? And tell the truth because the rest of your and our children’s life is hanging on this conversation.

[Chilesstanton]

You’ve already decided he hasn’t, but it’s obvious that he has.

[SandyY2K]

You need more evidence that what she had told you.
A mark on his chest and something on his ankle is enough.

Ask for dates of when they met.
Where they met
Screenshots of any messages between them.
How she first met him.

Her info is too vague.

[BeavisMcTavish]

@SandyY2K

You need more evidence that what she had told you.
A mark on his chest and something on his ankle is enough.

Ask for dates of when they met.
Where they met
Screenshots of any messages between them.
How she first met him.

Her info is too vague.

Which thread are you reading?

shes rovided dates and times which were possible
she worked with him
he WhatsApp is being deleted

its a slam dunk for me unfortunately.

[Icantthinkwhat]

I find the way that MN always seem to be rubbing their collective hands with glee at the prospect of a family having their world literally blown apart on such flimsy 'evidence' .

What reason can people have for 'stirring' let's count them...

Made a pass at him and got knocked back.

Issues at work that she blames him for and wants revenge (you say she has left the same employment as your DH)

Deranged troll (just look on here on an average week and count the deletions from people out to get a 'reaction' wether that's sock puppetry or deliberately contentious issue.

Some mad idea that makes no sense to anyone but her.

One of DH 'mates' who has got a friend to do this as a wind up. Some men have a ridiculous idea of what is not very funny.

I am a criminal investigator for a living and therefore naturally suspicious. This doesn't even begin to look that way. Especially the bit about being 'embarrassed about sending you screenshots' (but not too embarrassed to contact you by message (which you could equally screenshot)

I call bollocks without further enquiries.

I would message her with an apology for the rudeness stating that it was such a shock. Grovel if you have to. Get her into your confidence and see what you can find out further before deciding to call a divorce lawyer. Before you know it you could be selling your home and waving your kids off to their dads every other weekend.

Not a popular suggestion I know, because people like to read a thread and have it reach its conclusion within a few hours. But this is your life OP and your family's. Take your time and do some detective work.

Then if you are sure. Do what you feel you need to do. I certainly do not subscribe to staying for the kids if you don't want to be married anymore. However I do think your families future deserves proper consideration.

[Darbs76]

I doubt she’s stirring. Of course he will lie to you. Would she meet you to show you the messages? You need to apologise profusely for being rude, and hope she will

[MiniDinosaur]

Just tell him “I know about X, start talking”. Don’t give him any context or information, just tell him to start talking.

[Mawface]

Did her Insta have a pic? If yes, check his contacts in WhatsApp with the same name and see if the pictures are the same person.

[SandyY2K]

@BeavisMcTavish

Yeah..I only read the initial post. Would have been helpful to include the evidence she had in the first post.... but I've seen all the OPs post now.

🙂

[whynotwhatknot]

Id say it all sounds suspect deleting messages mysterious phonecalls now this dm from a woman claiming she slept with him

on its own just one thing maybe nothing but hes already gaslighting you about the phonecalls and now this

[KateBalesCardi]

I will never know.can hardly leave him over a strangers messages. But don't know how to stay with him with doubts.

I would tell her this and beg her for the screenshots, maybe she'll take pity and send them if she understands the turmoil she's left you in. She can redact her number/profile pic so her side of the convo is anonymous but ask her to delete DH as a contact so his number shows for you to verify it's actually him. She really shouldn't have told you unless she's willing to back it up with proof, it's cruel, assuming she's genuine.

[Herejustforthisone]

You need to wake up.

[ThirtyThreeTrees]

If it were me would just say "you have one opportunity to tell me everything you should about Joanna"

I wouldn't mention why you re asking, who contacted you, what you know or don't know. Just ask and say nothing else at all, no matter how he reacts. His reaction will tell you enough. Let him sweat it out.

[PandorasSuitcase]

Private account but definitely not a fake one.

How do you know this OP?

[Branleuse]

id definitely want to find out more. I would neither believe nor disbelieve at this point, but I think anyone can cheat. Often the people youd think would never do it. I also think people sometimes make shit up because it excites them. Try and find out more. Tell her youve kicked him out and are sorry for disbelieving her, and can she tell you more