Did DH cheat or is this a joke?

[Newuser1987]

Got a DM on Instagram this morning. Private account but definitely not a fake one.

From a young woman claiming she has slept with my husband a few weeks ago and thought I deserved to know.

She knows details about a birth Mark on his chest and a tattoo on his ankle. But DH wears shorts a lot so lots would have seen the ankle tattoo. He does talk about his birth Mark as well so a lot of people know he has one. So I'm hoping that this is just someone stirring but wanted to post on here to get clarity and that I'm not just trying to comfort myself.

A few months ago he had a string of mysterious phone calls which led to a huge row as he wouldn't answer the phone to the mysterious person then started saying i was getting worked up over nothing. Nothing since then tho so other than that I have no reason to believe he has cheated.

I Will confront him but it's just his word against this random person on Instagram right? I'm calm thinking it's just someone stirring. But what if it's not? How would you feel?

Can't exactly break up over one set of messages from a random woman. We have 3 kids together.

Shes very clearly telling the truth she has a normal account with friends, gave details and your dh was shady hiding phone calls. You don't want to admit what is right infront of you, it's very blatant.

@HotPenguin he doesn't turn on location services on his phone and it wouldn't prove much anyway as he travels to different sites for work and would say it was all work sites.

@Softplayhooray the chances of her meeting me are slim as I've acted like a psycho towards her. Sounds like she doesn't want to be involved any more than telling me she slept with DH

Sorry, don’t kid yourself that she must have heard him talking about his birth mark. How does she know him to have a conversation like that anyway? Why don’t you ask him how he knows her? See his reaction to her name.

Did she say how she met him?

No his backups are turned off but then so are mine.

“I've just checked that but there are no messages on there
he’s deleted everything”.

I’ve got watsapp messages going back years and years, I don’t ever delete them… because I’m not hiding anything.

You’re husband is in all probability cheating on you, and if you had suspicions months ago then this is likely not the first.

Work on the basis that this is the truth and decide what you would do. Would you try to work on your marriage? If not, then get your ducks in a row before you confront him, it will give you the upper hand.

I messaged a woman when I found out I had been dating her boyfriend for 10 months. He helpfully called her "ex" and didn't mention she wasn't in fact, an ex
However I sent screenshots of the messages where he had said ex, referred to staying over with me, basically faked an entire relationship so there was no doubt

Why would she lie?

does the date she say match the weird phone calls he had?

im sorry op but it’s all very damming. Screen shots of those texts wouldn’t prove anything- he’d just claim they were fake too. I’d just tell him she’s told you everything and you’ve seen proof so don’t lie and see where it goes from there.

Can you check his online banking? Is he there for you to confront or ask? Is there anything else you could find out to prove or disprove her allegation?

I'd be worried this is the tip of the iceberg if all of what's app history is deleted.

Can you ask her to send you screenshots even with her messages blacked out?

Genuine question - how would somebody provide proof that they've slept with somebody? Obviously if they've discussed it in texts then that's pretty conclusive but they may not have discussed it in texts so how else would they provide proof?

I've been widowed 7 years so perhaps I'm just being a bit clueless?!

I would hesitate to confront him without doing some more digging of banking etc too. Read cheating threads on here... almost no threads say I confronted him about my suspicions and he admitted it all straight away. They say I confronted him and he denied it or I had no idea until he walked out.

The signs are very bad. Someone is trying to tell you the truth and you have done everything you can to convince yourself he is innocent.

Stop fooling yourself and listen

OP you don’t sound convinced but the evidence is all there I am really sorry.

women don’t just send messages claiming they have slept with peoples husbands.

he had a string of suspicious phone calls that he was defensive over

he wasn’t home on the night

she knows personal details about him

his WhatsApp is cleared. You don’t clear your WhatsApp messages without intent.

can you ask the woman for a phone call and give her the opportunity to tell you exactly what happened. Ask questions etc.

then I’d be saying to your partner that you know he has cheated. Don’t ask him to give him chance to talk you out of it and say it’s not true. Tell him you know.

You have all the evidence you need

If this woman isn't stirring then she'd said you the texts.
I don't believe for one minute that's she's embarrassed.

There's only 2 answers to this either that your DH has strayed or that she's someone who's made a pass at your DH & he's turned her down & she wants to get her own back.

@Newuser1987 I don't mean to be rude in any way but something you said just stood out to me "lots of people have DH's number" does this mean he's quite well known? Quite sociable? If so, could you ask around? See if he's been seen with anyone or even been seen texting a lot?! Just clutching at straws

It sounds like you had an extreme reaction to her! Which makes me think you already suspect him, though perhaps subconsciously, to be so defensive. The mystery phone calls a few months ago are worrying too. Panic and denial are natural responses, but what are your instincts saying underneath?

So the options are

1. She’s telling the truth, though it’s hard to prove it without more detail.
2. it’s someone playing a pathetically sick “joke” or someone he’s pissed off being very nasty.
3. he sent the message for some reason.

I’d message the person back, apologise for acting out in anger, and try and get more detail before deciding what to do. Doing nothing would just leave this hanging.

Just apologise to the girl for being rude, say you were in shock but can she even send you screen shots of the messages with her ones blocked out? You're sure she understands that you can't confront him with no evidence.... really sorry you're in this situation

This is what I was thinking. DH is good looking and I'm thinking maybe she tried it on with him and he knocked her back so she is getting revenge.

For those asking she said she used to work with him but left recently. So would deff know his work schedule.

Yeah of course she tried it on with him and he knocked her back dont be so naive he clearly been messing about.

God you're awfully naive, @Newuser1987 :(