Would you keep an expensive beautiful necklace from a guy..?

[Curi]

...that a few days later you told you never wanted to see again and not to contact you any more - although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle? Clearly it meant a lot to him and he wouldn't have given it to you in the first place if he wasn't crazy about you.

She might be terrified of being anywhere near him to do this!

I like the donating to a woman's refuge idea. However if this ever got to court (who knows) it will be good if the woman concerned returned the item. It shows intent and doesn't muddy the waters.

I've read it and the relationship seems to be one-sided and mostly in his head.

Tillow4ever · Today 15:57
Amazing how many posters haven't read the full thread to realise that this woman wasn't even in a relationship with him,

The OP has left around 4 posts.

@Tillow4ever
Where does he say he wasn't even in a relationship with her?

I'd read and re-read and can't see that anywhere.

Quote for us dim ones?

I'd give it back.

Either he was a genuinely good person in which case I'd give it back because it's the decent thing to do. You don't accept a generous gift then dump someone days later. It's not on.

Or he was an arse in which case I'd give it back so he had no excuse to try to contact me.

Maybe, but I haven't read the other thread. After reading the posts on here (should have done that before my first post) it leapt out at me that he didn't mention a relationship.

Considering this is in the Relationships forum and he talks of his 'love and devotion' I'd assume they were in a relationship, as a given, unless he says otherwise.

@LyndaLovelace he has another thread. It’s on there. It has been referenced multiple times in this thread.

It would seem not.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4668333-are-you-prepared-to-be-friends-with-a-guy-that-you-know-is-in-love-with-you

For those people who don't agree with ASing posters, I didn't. I literally just saw this just now.

Also, he specifies that she's a young woman, so I'm guessing he's significantly older.

Fuck gift etiquette. Ask for the necklace back right now.

Not dim! It's another thread he started today with the following opening post:

I fell in love with a young woman and for so-called 'professional' reasons (complicated) she doesn't want to see me. But maybe it's because she knows I love her and doesn't feel right about seeing me in the circumstances although I wouldn't ask for anything more than a friendship that might be on offer - so the 'professional' reason is just dressing for the real motivation. How does anyone out there feel about a situation where they might consider a friendship but know the guy is pretty stuck on them? (Obviously, might also depend on how the guy conducts himself).

Really unsettling that he hasn't respected her saying no.

He doesn't seem to get that it doesn't matter if other women would want to be in this kind of friendship, because she doesn't.

I think she probably accepted it because he was pushy and it was easier to concede and take it (she originally said it was too much but he pushed it) because she's creeped out by him trampling over her boundaries.

He sneakily left out the context though so he sounds hard done by.

So it's second hand information, from another thread.

Why make out that people haven't read this thread, when you mean they haven't read this other thread?

This thread and the other one were started 5 minutes apart

@phishy because it has been discussed, in detail, on this thread multiple times already.

Referencing another thread is not quite the done thing anyway(I think MN has a 'rule' about that in any case!) @Tillow4ever

and putting his user name into search doesn't throw it up.

But, ignoring that, you can't come here and be all snipey with posters for not understanding his position when it's not here on this thread.

Yes, this is a reverse

Sounds like you're after a younger girl OP, you've become far too overly emotionally invested in her which wasn't mutually reciprocated and are now trying to buy her affection with an expensive gift.
Even though she told you the expensive gift was "too much", it sounds as if you pressured her into wearing it and she told you she would to appease you.
Feeling completely smothered by you, she then told you that she never wanted to hear from you again - was this the first time she'd ever tried to turn you down? Or were there other times that before that? Were there boundaries she'd tried to set with you that you potentially railroaded? If so, the ignoring of her first refusals might explain the seriousness of her final message.
You don't give much more of an insight into your behaviour towards her, but this would be where you'd need to look to see why she doesn't want to give the gift back to you. Fear of your reaction? Reluctance to want to speak to you? I can't imagine she will actually wear the item, even though she said she would - it clearly wasn't comfortable for her to accept just from what you've said, so I don't imagine it will be comfortable for her to wear either. It will more than likely remain in a drawer somewhere or end up on eBay.
In future, if you are not in a relationship with someone, don't buy them massively expensive gifts with the expectation of anything in return, it's a bit weird and I can totally understand why she felt the way she did.
This is coming from a woman in her early 20s who, when I was 18 years old, had a similar situation to yours with a much older ex-colleague of mine. He kept on pestering, I kept on telling him to leave me alone as I wasn't the slightest bit interested in him. One morning I arrived at my desk to find some random flowers and earrings from him that I knew for a fact to be expensive. I tried to give them back, stating that I'd told him over and over that I wasn't interested and he couldn't buy my love. This made him angry. He then tried (and failed) to get me fired. He soon retired after that and I never heard from him again. The earrings he literally insisted I kept so I'd "think of him when I wore them" were sold a couple of years later, raising enough to pay for my driving lessons.
Not all men are as "kind and gentle" as you claim to be, some get angry when the affection they feel they're entitled to from women is refused. She might not think you're as "kind and gentle" as you think you are, as a lot of people would see buying someone such an expensive gift as a manipulative move, making it hard for the reciever to say no to you after that. It's smothering and overwhelming to put such pressure on someone who doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them.
I hope you respect her wishes to leave her alone from now on and learn for the future to keep your expensive gifts to yourself until you're in a committed, mutually affectionate relationship.

Ah. Oh dear. My goodness.

OP started this thread about 5 minutes after the linked one. I don't know if there are others. Hopefully he's a troll and/or I'm sure he's long gone, but just in case....you are creeping on her and quite possibly have entered stalking territory. It also sounds as if you are either a coworker or her superior at work. You need to leave her alone or you will find yourself in deep doo doo at work and with the police. If I were her I'd have contacted HR and probably the police long ago.

@LyndaLovelace multiple other posters referenced this other thread and discussed its contents. I didn't reference the thread, until you asked for more details. I simply said if you'd read all the posts on this thread, you'd have realised that greater level of detail to the story.

I believe the rule is you can't have a thread about a thread. Referencing another thread by the poster happens all the time to give clarity on a situation, I've seen it loads.

I found the other thread after reading this entire thread and searching for it by thread name.

I simply said if you'd read all the posts on this thread, you'd have realised that greater level of detail to the story.

Who can be bothered to read every post though? I just click 'See All' and read all of OP's posts.

@phishy then don't be surprised when people tell you you've missed a pretty major revelation! Simply accept it and maybe consider amending your advice based on the new information.

Sounds like you've been had, by a taker, mate.

Don't give very expensive gifts to people you hardly know.

You still don't get it though, do you @Tillow4ever ?

MN is a cesspit of misinformation at times and some posters do pick up the wrong thing even when they read another thread.

Some lack very basic comprehension skills, to be blunt.

So you assuming that pishy missed something is silly, because without actually reading it for ourselves, we can't trust 3rd hand info.

Reading the 'all' from an OP ought be enough without wading through almost 200 posts from other people (where there might just be a reference to another thread.)

I think you need to read both threads.