Would you keep an expensive beautiful necklace from a guy..?

[Curi]

...that a few days later you told you never wanted to see again and not to contact you any more - although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle? Clearly it meant a lot to him and he wouldn't have given it to you in the first place if he wasn't crazy about you.

I can't personally imagine wanting to keep the jewellery in this situation, but that's just me. I think it's poor manners not to offer it back, but it depends on the situation.

I can't help feeling that there's a massive gap between 'nice and gentle' and 'never contact me again'. Especially in the context of a very expensive present, it would make me somewhat wonder what the woman's perception of it all was, and whether there's something else going on other than 'nice and gentle'.

Legally a gift is a gift.

Morally if he did nothing wrong and she kept it or even accepted it knowing a mere days later she would dump him then no she should return it. She shouldn't have even accepted it in the first place.

What happened between giving the gift and the break up? Sounds like there's 2 sides to this.

You're the man aren't you?

I agree @SarahAndQuack - I'd love to hear the woman's perspective of this "nice and gentle" crazy-about-her bloke she never wants to see again!

Full story needed.

But I wouldn't have accepted it in the first place. You/she has accepted an expensive gift knowing full well you/she is going to break it off with him even though he is a gentle and kind man? That's just grabby and cruel.

You weren’t, as a priest once said jokingly, “stalking her with love”, were you OP?

Curious to know her reason for ending things.
I probably wouldn't have accepted it in the first place

Why would the woman take any sort of gift especially an expensive one knowing they were gonna break up with him a couple of days later? I’d give it back because I shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.

If he insists that I keep it then that’s different, I probably would but only if he was sure

although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle

sounds like OP is the Nice Guy.

Don’t try to buy women, gifts should be given freely or they’re not gifts at all, they’re burdens at best and weapons are worst.

Are you the man and did you ignore her words telling you she didn't want to be serious/ignore her signals, before she had to take the drastic step of saying not to contact her ever again?

And did you push an over-the-top unwanted gift on her which was inappropriate compared to the level of relationship you had?

If so... if you had thus far ignored all my signals and been overly pushy to be honest maybe I would keep it. Doesn't matter if you were 'only nice and gentle' or not. Was it wanted?

I'd give it back. It gives him a reason to contact you.

It's not like he gave it to you last Christmas or something.

Depends on so many parameters.
how long you’ve been together, the reason for the gift, reasons to separate etc…

fwiw I gave a bf an expensive watch fur his b’day. About 2 weeks later, he to,d me he wanted to split up. It never crossed my mind that he should give that or sent back to me. What the heck would I have done with it???

There’s going to be a massive back story or one hell of a drip feed coming!

of course you don’t take an expensive gift and keep it if you was planning to dump him days later!

Reverse reverse!

This reads like it was written by the guy. 😂

No.

Legally a gift is a gift, but morally accepting an expensive gift and dumping the giver a few days later is outrageously gross. But people are awful.

I once did exactly this. Went out with a "lovely, gentle guy" for about a year. He was well paid but didn't drive. I was absolutely skint but had my own car. I used to pick him up every weekend and drop him off at the station 30 mins away from where I lived. I drove him everywhere. He never once offered me petrol money. When we went shopping he'd look at cds and ask me which ones he should buy, he couldn't make his mind up so bought loads. He never once offered to buy me anything as a thank you for my constant chauffeuring. Because I drove I drank coke and one time when he stayed over and we walked to my local pub he automatically bought me coke when I could have had a rare alcoholic drink. He used to ask me to stop at the shop and he went in alone and bought himself beer to have with the meal I was cooking. He never bought me so much as a bar of chocolate. On his birthday I was sent a photo of the exact watch he wanted from the argos catalogue. It cost me 150 quid. I then went out for a meal with him and I paid as a birthday treat. On my birthday, I picked him from the station all glammed up and looking forward to my birthday meal treat, he told me he'd already eaten so would I drive him to the cinema miles away, as there was a film he wanted see. He then gave me an unwrapped, old box with a very old fashioned broach in it and admitted it was his mother's and she'd given it to him to save him money. When I met up with him to go Christmas shopping he gave me a necklace he'd just bought me, it wasn't my taste but I gratefully accepted it. Then he told me what he wanted me to buy him. I made my excuses and went home early. I then dumped him, told him never to contact me again and kept the necklace. I did feel guilty but it's nearly 30 years ago now and I wouldn't be surprised if he's still harbouring a grudge against me!

In your case, no.

I need much more information to give my opinion.

so I agree with this and it's not really about the money or the necklace per se (what would I do with it (completely agree)? and, it would break my heart to have it back- I'm a guy yes) but I was wondering what it means to a person to wear something which obviously meant so much to the giver - symbolic of love and devotion and all of that - I mean, wouldn't that seem odd?

context?

Yeah after 2 days I'd give it back.

It would be shameful to keep it.

After a few months it's a different question but yeah in this instance it would be awful not to return it.

I wouldn’t accept an expensive gift if I was going to break up with someone.

the gift represented the way I felt about her - no other context. And when she accepted it she initially told me 'it was too much' but also declared "I will wear it". It was bleeding obvious how I must have felt. I have no hard feelings about it and I want her to keep it but I'm trying to understand the psychology behind its acceptance and use.