Would you keep an expensive beautiful necklace from a guy..?

[Curi]

...that a few days later you told you never wanted to see again and not to contact you any more - although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle? Clearly it meant a lot to him and he wouldn't have given it to you in the first place if he wasn't crazy about you.

You’re not answering anyone’s questions. I wonder why.

It’s just really pretty?

OP's other post from earlier today makes it pretty clear that this is an unrequited passion, and the woman has made it very clear she doesn't want to hear from him any more. I suspect there is a lot more to this than simply a "nice" guy - it sounds more like a stalker who won't take no for an answer.

No I wouldn’t, I’d feel guilty, I’d send it back with a note saying I shouldn’t have accepted

You said it would break my heart to have it back

Maybe she can tell that, and thought it would be cruel/hurt you more to give it back. Maybe she's just trying to hurt you as little as possible. (Whilst being clear, that she does not want a relationship with you).

I'm trying to understand the psychology behind its acceptance and use.

I can't think of anything positive, tbh.

It shouldn't have been accepted.

I agree, his second comment on this thread has all sorts of red flags in it. Sounds like he's looking for signs that she actually cares about him because she's kept/is wearing the necklace, rather than accepting she simply likes the necklace and wanted to keep the gift given to her.

If I were her, I'd give it back and run forvthe hills though, but it's possible she's terrified of him and doesn't want to see him.

- although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle?

Well something wasnt right was it

OP is scary.
Have some counselling- that will help you understand the psychology of it, and your own.

I think it depends how expensive, how much it meant to me (splitting up with someone doesn't mean you think badly of them always, perhaps you're just not right for her), and selfishly, how much I liked it. If I liked it a lot I could be swayed to keep it.

@Curi , you don't sound a "nice and gentle" guy, you sound like someone trying to bribe someone to want you. She doesn't.

If the necklace suited her and she liked it, of course she'd wear it. She's not got emotional baggage invested in it, you have.

And when she accepted it she initially told me 'it was too much' but also declared "I will wear it". It was bleeding obvious how I must have felt

Did she feel the same way about you? 'too much' and 'but I will wear it' sounds like she's letting you down gently. To me it doesn't radiate massive enthusiasm for either you or the gift you've presented.

In precisely this situation I offered to give the jewellery back (unworn so could have got a refund). He declined but it eased my conscience that I'd asked!

More flags than a golf course.

And how do you know it’s being used? Could have been flogged on Etsy already!

Well, if it was a sign of how you felt, either:

• she kept it because she thought you genuinely wanted her to have it, despite not feeling right about the relationship.
• She kept it because it didn't occur to her you'd want it back - maybe she didn't realise it was expensive or special?
• She kept it because you are frightening her and she wants simply to cut all ties.

It could be any of those, or something I've not thought of, but I think you are letting yourself obsess over it in a way that isn't healthy.

“It’s too much” ~ I don’t want it
”okay, I’ll wear it” ~ I need a way out of this conversation

Why did you and she break up OP?

For extra context re: my reply, I had a similar situation. As far as he was concerned, he'd treated me like a queen, bought me gifts, treated me, nicest guy you could meet.

I never wanted those gifts, I actively did not want him to buy me things/take me places - it was only ever supposed to be a fun casual thing (I had been very clear from the outset that that was what I was up for, and nothing more).

In the end I felt so pressured, that I had to write a letter asking him to never contact me ever again.

I think you should talk to a therapist (and don't try to understand her, that's what this guy did, and then messaged me diagnosing me with some bullshit thing. Try to understand YOU, and why you didn't accept her signals/read her signals properly).

It shouldn’t have been accepted granted. But if you give, then you give freely and you have no right to it back.

No point in trying to analyse it.

I personally would probably not have accepted it. It would have seemed a bit intense. I don’t do intense or too much. You wouldn’t have seen me for dust.

Others wouldn’t care and would grab it and bin you in a wink.

Just read your other post about being in love with this young woman. She's told you she isn't interested and it sounds as though you're not taking no for an answer and won't back off.. You tried to buy her affection and now think that she must be interested in you just because she accepted it. Leave her alone and find someone new that is interested. Please.

Yeah, the gift shouldn't really have been accepted.

I wouldn't keep it.

Of course I wouldn't keep it! If I never wanted to see him again, why would I want to keep something that would always remind me of him?

To keep it would be weird, rude to him and insanely grabby/greedy.

OP. The other thing is you need to ask yourself honestly why you might be attracted to someone who might be very materialistic.

Something in you decided it was a good idea to give this person something very sparkly and (presumably) expensive.

Why did you want to do that and why did you think they would have liked that?

A lot of women like "bling" but it is only a certain type of woman who gives off signals that they are open to receiving that kind of thing without any reciprocity and a lot of men would pick that up and steer clear. You did not.

Ask yourself why.

Relationships are not about "buying" people things (or at least healthy romantic relationships do not have that as their foundation/starting point).

It's a fair thing to wonder because in this woman's situation, I wouldn't want to wear it. Gifts inherently remind me of the giver. I wouldn't want to wear jewellery that reminded me of a relationship that wasn't a good experience for me.

However I have friends who kept and wear gifts from their exes just because they like the item in question aesthetically. Admittedly they'd had the gifts for a while longer before the actual break-up.

You obviously think the gift was a symbol of love and devotion but this may have felt overwhelming, or coming on too strong, to her. Well, she said it - "too much". I suspect you were too much generally.

Some women appreciate that kind of intensity but others run a mile.

Where in the op does it say the woman knew she was going to break up with him when she accepted the gift?

I would keep it.

And I doubt very much if he was the perfect boyfriend, especially since this seems to be his opinion of himself.