Would you keep an expensive beautiful necklace from a guy..?

[Curi]

...that a few days later you told you never wanted to see again and not to contact you any more - although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle? Clearly it meant a lot to him and he wouldn't have given it to you in the first place if he wasn't crazy about you.

Another thread? I haven’t read that, but if that’s true OP, you need to leave this woman alone.

I've still got my real pearl necklace from my ex 10 years ago.

@MyRiverThee The thread is 'Are you prepared to be friends with a guy that you know is in love with you?'

Thanks - enough to process, seems like a lot of people have opinions.

What were your last five messages to her before she told you she didn't want to see you again or have contact?

Because I'd wager that if you share them, we'll probably understand the final message whereas you don't.

Would be interesting to know what they were and we can shed some light on things.

Eek you've asked this:

How does anyone out there feel about a situation where they might consider a friendship but know the guy is pretty stuck on them?

When she has already told you outright she:

never wanted to see again and not to contact you any more

Nice, gentle, kind men listen to and respect a woman's right to boundaries.

It doesn't matter if other people would be friends with a guy in love with them.

She has TOLD you she doesn't want to be.

Other people feeling differently isn't a loophole you can use to stay friends with her.

As I said, nice guys don't do this. They listen to and respect when a woman says no.

Absolutely not. Give it back.

Thanks. Just read it. Creepy.

OP, you’re not in a relationship with this woman, it just sounds like you’re obsessed with her and she’s probably trying to put some distance there because the feelings are not reciprocated. And also on the other thread you describe her as a young woman and she doesn’t want to see you for professional reasons. It sounds like you’ve set your sights on someone much younger than you, she’s not interested and you keep bothering her. You seriously need to leave her the fuck alone. Creepy stalker vibes.

although he'd never done anything to hurt you and had only been nice and gentle?

No-one else getting rather creepy vibes off this? to me it sounds like 'but could hurt you if I chose and stop being nice and gentle.'

Yes, it’s utterly terrifying.

I'd offer it back. That's what I'd want done if it were me and I have empathy.

Oh, if this is a reverse yes I agree it's creepy. I just thought the OP was a weirdo at first as in a very troubled woman.

If this post is by a man it sounds like they are a stalker who was trying to buy the person's affection.

Very much so. Poor woman.

Yes, with this and his other thread, he sounds like a creep that thinks he’s owed something by this woman. She may be very unsettled at the very least by his behaviour, possibly very scared.

She may be very unsettled at the very least by his behaviour, possibly very scared

Which maybe why she's accepted it and says she'll wear it; I wonder if she's a bit apprehensive about what will kick off if she gives it back, as well.

OP, you sound like you think you are owed a relationship by this woman because you're in love with her and you've given her an expensive necklace she probably doesn't want. You really aren't owed anything.

You can't go asking for gifts back, no. However in this situation I would return it purely only so they were out of my life, not because I cared about them having the item back.

Creepy as fuck.standard 'nice guy' stuff 🤢

Ok so im guessing she tried telling you politely that she wasn’t interested, you ignored that and bought her a necklace, persisted in your unwanted attempts to woo her, then she had to tell you she never wants to see you again. LEAVE HER ALONE. If this summary is anything like what happened you’ve been a total creep and a stalker.

Was the recipient of the gift NOT your partner at the time of giving the gift??

"It sounds like you’ve set your sights on someone much younger than you, she’s not interested and you keep bothering her."

To be fair to the OP, there are literally millions of "much younger" women in the UK who will definitely go for an older guy (married, in a relationship or otherwise) if they think expensive gifts will be on offer.
To be honest, those kind of women are well suited to the type of older guy which OP appears to be and they deserve each other.

Recognise anyone OP?

"Nice guy syndrome is a term used around the Internet to describe men who believe they are entitled to women because they're "nice guys." According to the Geek Feminism wiki, "The terms Nice Guy™ and Nice Guy syndrome are used to describe men who view themselves as prototypical 'nice guys,' but whose 'nice deeds' are in reality only motivated by attempts to passively please women into a relationship and/or sex."

Even if a Nice Guy™ doesn't overtly say it was wrong for you to reject him, guilting you, trying to change your mind, and letting you know exactly how much you've hurt him can all have the same effect.

There's nothing wrong with being kind, obviously, but when somebody goes on and on about how nice they are, you have to wonder why they need everyone to know that. Being nice should be for its own sake, not so that women will date you or sleep with you as a result. Touting your kindness in opposition to other men also implies that men in general are not kind, which puts men down and maintains a system of toxic masculinity.

Plenty of men will treat women kindly, but Nice Guys like to think that behaving kindly earns them a gold star. It doesn't. The real nice guys are those who treat people nicely without expecting any acknowledgement in return.

You don't have to be an equal-opportunity dater. Nobody accumulates kindness points that then add up to sex or dating. Even if somebody is a great guy who treats you well, you don't have to date him. That's like saying that just because a shirt fits really well, you should wear it as pants. Just because someone's a really good friend doesn't mean they're a good boyfriend for you. Certain people fit different roles in your life, and that's not wrong. Self-described "nice guys" might claim that being nice entitles them to a relationship, but true kindness is given without any expectations.

It’s a symbol of love FOR YOU.
It’s not for her which is why she won’t have any issue wearing it.

OR she might decide to sell it etc…. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It’s unlikely I would have any sentimental attachment to it. I regularly wear a few items of jewellery that had been bought for me by ex’s and I don’t ever even think of them? I guess if someone asked me where it was from and I would say ‘a gift from … ex bf’ but other than that I wouldn’t think about it. Sounds like you’re reading a lot into something and perhaps buying it meant more to you and that person just saw it as gift? My DH has an expensive watch engraved on the back as a wedding present from his ex wife. He still wears the watch sometimes - neither of us think anything about it?

I was wondering what it means to a person to wear something which obviously meant so much to the giver

You don't know that she's going to wear it just because she said she's going to.

I was wondering what it means to a person to wear something which obviously meant so much to the giver - symbolic of love and devotion and all of that - I mean, wouldn't that seem odd?

I once accepted a gift from a guy I had been dating but wanted to break things off with face to face. He was smitten and smothering and it made me uncomfortable.

He had obviously realised I was pulling away so showed up with an expensive gift in order, either consciously or subconsciously, to make me feel sort of indebted to him or too guilty to end it.

When I said it didn't feel right to take it as we were on different pages and I wanted to stop seeing each other, he did big sad eyes and said he still wanted me to have it as he cared about me even as a friend etc etc.

He went on so much I felt a overwhelmed and anxious so eventually said ok I'll take it but you didn't need to.

He proceeded to message me after the meeting to say it was lovely seeing me and he thought I just needed some time to think about what I want (I didn't, I'm an adult and was clear about what I wanted aka not him) and that he'd check I'm ok tomorrow.

I didn't reply, then got a message the next day asking if I was enjoying my present along with loads of sad face emojis. A grown man.

And he absolutely mentioned it because he was trying to make me feel guilty.

Then, as all Nice Guy Syndrome men do, he said that I'm obviously looking for a man who will treat me mean and keep me keen, why do women like bad boys etc. No mate, I just want someone I'm mutually into. And not someone who thinks I should be grateful they weren't violent, overtly nasty etc.

You said you never did anything to hurt her and were nothing but kind and gentle. Sorry to be harsh but... so what?! We should be able to expect those qualities as an absolute minimum. They aren't gold star qualities. They're just being a decent human being.

Anyway, I blocked him, obviously, but the mask well and truly slipped.

OP if you were really a genuinely nice man who respects her, you would do what she asks and leave her alone.

Re your other thread, why are you asking if there's a way for women to be friends with someone in love with them? Even if someone says they've done it, she has told you she doesn't want to. So you can't.