Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

1000 replies

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 01/11/2022 22:05

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
ownedbygreyhounds · 26/11/2022 17:52

Mila14 · 26/11/2022 17:46

Ohhh…what happened? You didn’t fancy him at all?

He was fairly attractive to look at, but there was just no spark or chemistry. He avoided any eye contact so I am also convinced that he is on the autistic spectrum. Being ND doesn't bother me as I have ADHD, but I need eye contact to feel any connection.

5thWisdom · 26/11/2022 18:03

@ownedbygreyhounds I'm sorry it wasn't a great date - 2018? Hmm.

You really can't create that spark if it isn't there.

I called him out on the nude pic thing - told him no way. He said he was joking and actually just wanted me to send selfie. Then sent me one of himself this afternoon on sofa, perfectly normal pic. He's very cute. And a boxer. And fit. And 6 ft 3.

He's now moved on to suggesting he'll be back in my neck of the woods before Christmas and going out on a date. Hmm.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 26/11/2022 18:54

Yes @Mila14 you're right it's all in the degrees.

MrCars is self aware and caring/empathetic but can and does wang on about his specialist subjects for more than a NT person would. Luckily for him each of the topics give me the fanny gallops listening to him (music, cars, gardening, animals, food and tech). He has a beautiful sexy voice too. Luscious accent.

My son is fully diagnosed autistic but high functioning autistic (he used to identify as Asperger's but they don't give it that label anymore) and is lovely

My dad is undiagnosed and appalling no interest in anyone.

He's lived with women I think (Cars not my dad). Maybe not. Longest relationship was 4 years.
Has had very long bad bachelor lad spells and many years out of dating.
You are right it is unusual isn't it. Sometimes I think my head needs a wobble for not spotting or thinking these things.

He's incredibly domesticated - brilliant cook, clean and tidy, funny, crazily clever, plays amazing guitar and sings in a band, at the top of his game professionally (similar to my role), fitted his own kitchen and of course renovates his fleet of many amazing cars.
He thinks I'm ace. I know he does. He says it occasionally. Not at all lovebomby just feels like I know he's keen to see me, tells me I'm awesome, beautiful and doesn't want to mess it up but still speaks his mind.

I sometimes wonder what relationship path my own life would have taken if not got back with XH 2 years after chucking him and his mentalness 6 months after we met I hadn't really found anyone 'right' for me until then aged 26.
Maybe I'm autistic too? I think my daughters probably are.
Maybe I'd not have settled with anyone and had a career, hobbies, dogs and holidays... (and money sigh)

With a bit of luck Cars and I will realise we are a brill match.
He's not very tactile (bit but not loads) and strangely I cannot keep my hands off him when we're together.

I watched him walk across a car park today from a secret spot and thought 'Phwoar' earlier which was good to note given our forthcoming away night (which I'm really nervous about but wine will sort im sure)

He's a very interesting character not least because his mother abandoned him as a baby and his (academic musical) dad raised him and his brother alone. Only saw her once or twice a year.

OP posts:
Mila14 · 26/11/2022 19:04

Oncey…he’s opened up a lot about his past and where he’s coming from. I think you are increasingly and slowly liking him more and more… I believe something is really nice about Mr Cars. I have no doubt he’s totally smitten by you. Just have some wine and let yourself go a bit …but my point is that you are seeing him quite a bit and talking continually and you are getting closer to him all the time… I still find it amazing his longest thing has been 4 years when he’s probably over 40. That is strange…

5thWisdom · 26/11/2022 19:16

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss when is aforementioned away night?

Sounds like you had a good time - and the physical attraction must be lovely to feel!

OLDstolemybrain · 26/11/2022 19:25

So date with MrFootball lasted 4 hours 🤯 it really didn’t feel that long and only ended because I needed to pick my DC up

We laughed a lot and to me that is very attractive. He wants to meet again and so do I. No kiss at the end though, it was a bit awkward because we were stood in a car park but he did give me a hug. Might just tell him to kiss me next time 😂

Definitelycross · 26/11/2022 19:29

Awww @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss that sounds brilliant. And the phwoar moment.

Update on mine

MrL - nothing but he said Saturdays are really busy for him
MrB - total hottie, funny but think he might be a player but enjoying his attention
MrA - really, really like him. We've agreed to go for coffee just can't arrange a time as this bloody Covid is still around.

New on the scene MrG - absolute sweetheart, lives very nearby. 🤞 meeting him for coffee on Friday. As long as I'm well enough.

Bumble man - unmatched and deleted. Cannot believe the one line answers and no questions about me.

MrT - the messaging/phone guy. Nope not giving him up yet. He definitely has benefits.

They're like bloody buses.

There's also a couple of others - one is MrK and he is so funny. Not my usual type physically but he makes me laugh out loud at his messages.

Definitelycross · 26/11/2022 19:30

OLDstolemybrain · 26/11/2022 19:25

So date with MrFootball lasted 4 hours 🤯 it really didn’t feel that long and only ended because I needed to pick my DC up

We laughed a lot and to me that is very attractive. He wants to meet again and so do I. No kiss at the end though, it was a bit awkward because we were stood in a car park but he did give me a hug. Might just tell him to kiss me next time 😂

Oooooh I've gone all fluttery for you ❤️

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 26/11/2022 20:01

I will press for better Ex Files intel @Mila14 you are right to point it out.
It wasn't of interest to me until now as I wasn't sure if I'd take it forward.

(Sorry for long essay below everyone hasn't realised how much I'd written)

OP posts:
5thWisdom · 26/11/2022 20:36

OLDstolemybrain · 26/11/2022 19:25

So date with MrFootball lasted 4 hours 🤯 it really didn’t feel that long and only ended because I needed to pick my DC up

We laughed a lot and to me that is very attractive. He wants to meet again and so do I. No kiss at the end though, it was a bit awkward because we were stood in a car park but he did give me a hug. Might just tell him to kiss me next time 😂

This is lush. Very very pleased for you - ideal Date 1!

First kiss will come! Enjoy this feeling!

5thWisdom · 26/11/2022 20:38

Definitelycross · 26/11/2022 19:29

Awww @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss that sounds brilliant. And the phwoar moment.

Update on mine

MrL - nothing but he said Saturdays are really busy for him
MrB - total hottie, funny but think he might be a player but enjoying his attention
MrA - really, really like him. We've agreed to go for coffee just can't arrange a time as this bloody Covid is still around.

New on the scene MrG - absolute sweetheart, lives very nearby. 🤞 meeting him for coffee on Friday. As long as I'm well enough.

Bumble man - unmatched and deleted. Cannot believe the one line answers and no questions about me.

MrT - the messaging/phone guy. Nope not giving him up yet. He definitely has benefits.

They're like bloody buses.

There's also a couple of others - one is MrK and he is so funny. Not my usual type physically but he makes me laugh out loud at his messages.

And this, my dear, is how you do OLD! Woop!

I hope you've got an Excel spreadsheet because you're gonna need one! Haha!

Fingers crossed you manage to sort something with Mr A - and the rest, obvs!

Definitelycross · 26/11/2022 20:40

😂😂😂 @5thWisdom

I just decided to go for it.

Watch it come and bite me on the arse 😂

Mila14 · 26/11/2022 20:45

OLDstolemybrain · 26/11/2022 19:25

So date with MrFootball lasted 4 hours 🤯 it really didn’t feel that long and only ended because I needed to pick my DC up

We laughed a lot and to me that is very attractive. He wants to meet again and so do I. No kiss at the end though, it was a bit awkward because we were stood in a car park but he did give me a hug. Might just tell him to kiss me next time 😂

Excellent news… mothership delighted…next time KISS

ownedbygreyhounds · 26/11/2022 20:46

@OLDstolemybrain sounds like a perfect 1st date!

@Definitelycross loving that you are juggling so many potentials - fun times ahead for you!

I am on hinge and bumble are these the better non-paying ones or does anyone have any other recommendations?

Mila14 · 26/11/2022 20:50

Deffy…lots to juggle there but you seem totally in control…Looks like MrA is the favourite
Are you meeting MrB? Or any of them at some point?

Definitelycross · 26/11/2022 21:00

Mila14 · 26/11/2022 20:50

Deffy…lots to juggle there but you seem totally in control…Looks like MrA is the favourite
Are you meeting MrB? Or any of them at some point?

Hopefully MrG on Friday, he seems really lovely. Lots of messaging and nothing that's made me uncomfortable which is always a good thing.

MrA asked if we could meet at some point this week. But I don't know, as I haven't heard from him since this morning. Haha not long I know.

MrB lives further away but I think it'd just be a good evening if I met him. I love his outlook and sense of humour.

I'll just wait and see. It could all come to nothing. But it's fun just now.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/11/2022 21:02

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

i like what you say of Cars
he sounds like a nice man , he’s honest and open and seems to own his shit

definitely worth getting to know him better

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/11/2022 21:03

The pre Xmas business is rocking ! Lots of matches and some ok dates
I like

Mila14 · 26/11/2022 21:14

How are you Worsy?

Definitelycross · 26/11/2022 21:16

Can I just say thank you for all your support. It's hard to talk about these things with real life friends but you're all aware of what we are all going through.

So, yes, thank you. And may we all find our Mr or Ms or indeed contentment on our own.

Xxx

JangolinaPitt · 26/11/2022 21:22

Interesting re the autism. I am now one year in (getting massive help and insights from this thread -thanks because so much of your wisdom is relevant in this) -my bf has massive issues of insecurity and is also definitely on the spectrum and also shows elements of adhd. I am a teacher so am lot of this is familiar to me from school and I think I am am also adhd.
Just bumbling through and trying to make it work for us.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 26/11/2022 21:33

@JangolinaPitt both MrCars and I identify as having ADHD we've just revealed to each other.
It often co-exists with Autism doesn't it....

@OLDstolemybrain absolutely love love love a first date where there is lots of laughing. My autumn iron MrCurly made me laugh so much from date one then via brilliant voice-notes in crazy accents.
I told myself from then on I'd ONLY date funny guys as it's a brilliant aphrodisiac and life is so much easier when you're chortling.
Sorry there was no kissing at the end I'm sure there will next time

I think I can ask MrCars of ex files @Mila14 but don't think I can ask 'How come you never married?'as surely the answer will just be a shrug and a 'it never happened for me. Never met the right person'
When I've asked 'Why so many cars' or 'How come so good at music' he's laughed and said something about being a sad single fella with nothing else to do no kids to run around after.

OP posts:
5thWisdom · 26/11/2022 21:33

@Definitelycross soak it all up and absolutely enjoy lovely x completely understand how it's impossible to discuss these things in real life - only one of my friends is in same boat and OLDing - everyone else couples and families etc so can in no way relate.

dizzygirl1 · 26/11/2022 23:38

Can I join please?

Separated during covid, had a couple of fwbs but now I'm 'ready for OLD...in theory..

Mr Tall - had drinks, very casual, a little kissing, flirted the following day then nothing 🤷‍♀️

Mr outdoors- met OLD, met in person and had coffee and a walk - nice time actually enjoyed it. Finished with a couple of kisses. Met a second time for drinks, kissing and him groping. I think if we'd have been anywhere private he'd have been expecting more.
I'm not sure how I'm feeling with them, confused probably. Whats the OLD rules?!

xfan · 27/11/2022 08:15

dizzygirl1 · 26/11/2022 23:38

Can I join please?

Separated during covid, had a couple of fwbs but now I'm 'ready for OLD...in theory..

Mr Tall - had drinks, very casual, a little kissing, flirted the following day then nothing 🤷‍♀️

Mr outdoors- met OLD, met in person and had coffee and a walk - nice time actually enjoyed it. Finished with a couple of kisses. Met a second time for drinks, kissing and him groping. I think if we'd have been anywhere private he'd have been expecting more.
I'm not sure how I'm feeling with them, confused probably. Whats the OLD rules?!

There are no 'rules', you do what you feel comfortable with though I think most men on old would expect a level of sexual contact; I have found most of them if given the opportunity would take it if they find the woman in front of them attractive enough.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.