What does 'we met in a bar' actually mean?

[PotteringPondering]

People often share grim experiences of online dating. I hear people say, 'I'd rather do it the traditional way and meet in a bar'.

I realise have no idea what that actually means. Does it smuggle in other assumptions (eg you're in the bar with a group of friends, and the group gets chatting to another group of people)?

I'm a 50s m – no matter how good looking, witty or charming I am, if walked up to a complete stranger in a bar and started chatting, wouldn't that be seen as creepy and inappropriate?

I'm genuinely puzzled. Are there contexts where that wouldn't be seen as creepy? Are there people who wouldn't find that creepy?

It depends how you started chatting but if you're both stood at a fairly chilled out bar in a nice atmosphere it wouldn't be weird to spark up a conversation.

I met my husband in a bar.

It meant I went on an impromptu night out with my friend, was happy and drinking, saw this guy at the bar singing along to me singing karaoke. After my song finished, I walked up to him, we chatted, bought each other drinks, went on to a nightclub, swapped numbers and the rest is history!

I’m 55, and met both my husbands, and actually pretty much all my boyfriends in bars. That was literally how it was done in my day. Friend and I would go to a bar, and blokes would approach us and start chatting. If we spotted one we fancied we’d go and stand nearby in the hope they’d come over. I’m utterly stunned that anyone a similar age to me didn’t do this.

I don't think it would be inappropriate to chat to someone in a bar.

It's only inappropriate and creepy if you can't read the signs and carry on when it's clear she isn't interested.

I met my husband in a bar. Was out with friends, liked the look of him, said hello and that was that.

I think what people are talking about is the dying art of looks and smiles. Small cues that indicate interest, followed up by actually talking to people. It feels brave for this generation but it used to be pretty much the only way to meet people.

I met my husband at a heavy metal gig in a pub, so I guess that counts as meeting in a bar. I just started chatting to him in between sets, he was at the pub with friends and I was with my friend

I met my husband in a bar. I was on holiday with girlfriends, he was on holiday with mates. We all got chatting together. 40 years later.........

I met my husband in a bar - we both worked there at the time. We liked each other and ended up as part of same group of friends but were both seeing other people so didn't get together until a few years later.

Met mine in a bar 12 years ago - I Knew his friend, told friend that I liked the look of now DH, and asked if he was single, friend introduced us.

We always chat to people in bars now too, I go out with friends, see a half empty table, ask if we can sit (2 of my friends are single) always usually ends up with us chatting to them and single friends having a flirt.

I think this is a lot easier when you're younger (and more drunk), travel in packs who all start chatting to other groups, and are more likely to all be out with the intention of having a dance and hopefully meeting someone. I would assume most middle-aged people who are out in bars are there to see friends and therefore less likely to strike up conversations with strangers.

That doesn't mean it's impossible, of course.

I watched Crazy Stupid Love for some light relief last night. That would have you believe that American bars are full of stylishly dressed and charming men and glamorous women all going out to bars alone in the hope of going home with someone.

My The reality is groups of men and women having enough to drink to be able to chat to each other and sometime going home together or swapping numbers.

But yes, I think it's harder as you get older. In a young person's bar you can assume most are out "on the pull". Older people can definitely come across as creepy.

I met all but one of my boyfriends in pubs.

How can you be a man in your 50s and not know this? It was completely normal to do this throughout the 80s/90s...

I'm a 50s m – no matter how good looking, witty or charming I am, if walked up to a complete stranger in a bar and started chatting, wouldn't that be seen as creepy and inappropriate?

Not if you were being conscious of and looking for signs of interest and backing off if they weren't reciprocated.

And, of course, that you were approaching women your own age. I well remember telling old blokes to "piss off, Grandad" when I was in my late teens.

Met my husband in a bar! In fact iv never gone out with anyone I haven't met in a bar!

It's never been a planned thing but I know with my husband I was at the bar ordering my drinks and we just started talking!

It's hardly rocket science. Go to a bar, throw the glad eye, wait for a smile, start a conversation.

I met dh on a night out with mutual friends. We were in a bar.

How old are you?

Im late 40s. This is just how it’s done isn’t it?

See someone you think is good looking. Make eye contact. If you get the right feeling then go over and say hi. Hardly rocket science and nothing creepy about it.

I met DH in a bar (through mutual friends).

I understand exactly what you are saying OP - very different a group of 20-something females and a group of 20-something males getting into conversation on a night out - than a 50-something male approaching single females in a bar. Very different indeed and I think the latter does come across as creepy - particularly if you have actually gone out with that intention in mind .

DH and I met in a bar. We were out with mutual friends, we got talking, went on dates, got engaged six weeks later, married a year later, and still together almost 30 years later.

Meeting in a bar was/is a perfectly normal thing, isn't it? You're out with friends, they're out with friends, you get speaking, you decide if you like them, you swap numbers, you chat a bit, you arrange to meet up.

I think 'we met in a bar' probably means they met at a STI Clinic but don't want to say! 😂

Oh YOU!

No, 'fraid not @TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Easy to meet in a bar when you're young, but not so much when older. If there's a group of you say through work or whatever, natural to chat to others and things lead from there.

In your 50s, I agree it would be a lot less likely to meet someone that way. I'd suggest walking groups or other hobbies that you're interested in might be a better way to meet someone if you want to avoid OLD.