What does 'we met in a bar' actually mean?

[PotteringPondering]

People often share grim experiences of online dating. I hear people say, 'I'd rather do it the traditional way and meet in a bar'.

I realise have no idea what that actually means. Does it smuggle in other assumptions (eg you're in the bar with a group of friends, and the group gets chatting to another group of people)?

I'm a 50s m – no matter how good looking, witty or charming I am, if walked up to a complete stranger in a bar and started chatting, wouldn't that be seen as creepy and inappropriate?

I'm genuinely puzzled. Are there contexts where that wouldn't be seen as creepy? Are there people who wouldn't find that creepy?

I'm a 50s m – no matter how good looking, witty or charming I am, if walked up to a complete stranger in a bar and started chatting, wouldn't that be seen as creepy and inappropriate?
Walking up to a 20 year old and saying 'hey sexy, you're gorgeous, can I get your number?' - creepy and inappropriate.
Smiling at someone age appropriate, and if reciprocated starting with something like 'hi, are you having a good evening?' - absolutely fine. And then only persisting if they turn towards you, reply, ask you questions to keep the conversation going.
Continuing the interaction if they turn away, step back, give only polite, closed answers or don't answer - that would be creepy and inappropriate.

Met DH in a bar, both early 30s. But it was in a city where we both worked in similar jobs and were out with respective friends, one of whom in my group happened to know one in his group and that led to conversations between initially both groups generally then finally me and him one to one. Many people do meet people randomly in bars but it was (for me) easier having that mutual group connection first! DH always says he wouldn’t have had the bottle to approach me otherwise and start talking and I don’t think I would have had either.

that said in my friends group I’m the exception to the rule, everyone else did meet online!!!!

The problem with meeting in a bar in your 40s and 50s is having friends to go to the bar with.

Hanging around the bar completely by yourself just gives off ‘desperate or alcoholic’ vibes, sadly!

Not all bars are for youngsters though. We were out as couples and went in one and it was obviously place for older people to meet. Lots of people in 40s and 50s a bit dressed up and chatting each other up. It advertised 90s music outside maybe that was the clue.

Walking groups....good God it sounds so ...dull??

I would suggest not taking the phrase too literally OP, people often use it as shorthand for just meeting someone organically in a 'real life' social situation.

So meeting someone in a reading group for example is perfectly socially acceptable (providing you don't go there specifically with the intention of picking up women) and is kind of what people are referring to when they say doing it the old fashioned way.

Well not necessarily. If you have hobbies that's a very reasonable place to meet someone.
I think it is all about reading signs of the person to see if they are interested. Eg longer eye contact, a smile etc

I met my DH in a bar back in 1987, he was a friend of a friend.

I met both my ex and my long-term partner in a nightclub. The first instance, I remember seeing him across the bar and he looked over and grinned, came round, bought me a drink, and we started chatting. Nothing happened that first time but I saw him again the next time I was there, and it progressed onwards from that. Ended up married then divorced some 6 years later.

My current partner I also met in a nightclub, I was with a group of friends for my birthday and some brought their friends along too! So he was a friend of a friend. Got chatting, then a couple of days later saw him again also with friend, and it went from there. At least that had a happy ending, still together 26 years later!

How are your sea legs Pottering?? I’ve know loads of singles meet partners on a cruise!!! Full of organised singles events, but not all focussed on meeting someone… good holiday thrown in if that floats your boat (literally 🤣)

I think you're taking it a bit too literally. Instead of actually "meet in a bar" think in real life, or off line, so it could be anywhere. Bar, petrol forecourt, work, supermarket, wherever you happen to be.

If you're in your 50s then you must have some memory of dating life before the internet and online dating was even a thing? It wasn't creepy or offensive, or weird. Unless you're planning on going to a bar specifically and sidling up to someone in a predatory fashion, then you're fine.

I'm in my 50s, believe me I would enjoy a pleasant ramble in decent weather about a hundred times more than an evening in a noisy, busy bar.

I was always a bit rubbish about flirting and recognising signs when out, so I met my DH through OLD. For me it was a lot more natural that way.

I met my husband in a bar, I was there with a group, he was in town before a conference and randomly got adopted by other members of this group and we wound up meeting at the bar and chatting. I knew then that he was going to be special.

Yes this is very true.

So I met DH in a bar. I had come to visit friends with a travel bag and we ended up out in the pub with me still having all of my stuff with me. Not the greatest idea, but I left it at a table when we went outside to smoke.

When I came back DH and a friend were at the table and I asked to get my bag. He insisted my friend and I take the table back and got up, to which I said there was room for him to sit at the table too. We didn’t chat a whole lot but added each other on fb and I messaged the next day (wouldn’t have if my friend hadn’t told me to) saying it was nice to chat. He then asked me out on a date and the rest is history!

I more or less lived in pubs in my 20s and 30s, so that was the only way I met previous partners. Met dh at work though.

OP is there a bar or pub close to your place of work? Are there many offices in the vicinity?

My thinking is Friday night after work is the prime time to meet people in a bar. More likely to be single ladies nearer your age at that time.

FWIW I was 48 and DH 46 when we met, pub near our workplaces, Friday from 5pm.

I am 50 and that is how it was done 'back in the day'
You saw someone you thought looked nice and went over to say hi / got your friend to do it! Sometimes asked for a light!
Simple!
I met DH in a bar! As did all my Uni friends meet their DHs this way!

Oh my goodness! I need to go to a bar! I’m getting nowhere with OLD!
50 F attractive 😍😍

You don't need a bar. Just DM the OP

I need to get out more!

It was quite easy really. Recently, I met a guy in a pub and I'm in my late 40s. DS was doing the 11 plus, and there were no coffee shops and it was raining, so I went to the pub in the afternoon ordered a pin and some crisps, got chatting to a charming chap. Nothing happened but I had a good afternoon.

Depends where he is and if he’s nice 😊

How did you know he was special? Is this looking back now retrospectively... I'm sure most relationships which failed at the time were referred to as 'special.' That's confirmation bias.

I'm unbelievably lovely 😁