What does 'we met in a bar' actually mean?

[PotteringPondering]

People often share grim experiences of online dating. I hear people say, 'I'd rather do it the traditional way and meet in a bar'.

I realise have no idea what that actually means. Does it smuggle in other assumptions (eg you're in the bar with a group of friends, and the group gets chatting to another group of people)?

I'm a 50s m – no matter how good looking, witty or charming I am, if walked up to a complete stranger in a bar and started chatting, wouldn't that be seen as creepy and inappropriate?

I'm genuinely puzzled. Are there contexts where that wouldn't be seen as creepy? Are there people who wouldn't find that creepy?

Usually means you were both drunk!

This.

Met my husband in a pub. I was working behind the bar
(I was a student) when he came in and I was really attracted to him. It seemed mutual. My colleague found out if he was available etc on the next shift she saw him. He came in again a few days later, we got chatting, he asked me if he could buy me a drink after work and the rest was history. We've now been very happily married for 23 years.

It's extremely dull for those who've joined walking groups because they want to hike through the countryside and find themselves repeatedly hit on by socially inept which is why they're still single men who thinks that because you haven't run screaming into the hills you're definitely interested in them.

Hopefully OP has more self awareness than that though if he's worried about being creepy.

I met DH in the pub.

I was out with friends and noticed him. My friends encouraged (forced!) me to go and say hi.

I bumped into him on purpose and apologised and we got talking.

I met DH in the pub. My friend fancied his friend and was trying to flirt. He wasn't interested. We got to chatting and that was 12 years ago.

Tinker dh in a bar. He came over to us. That was 22 years ago.

I met my 1st husband in a bar too. I'd seen him driving home after work as I walked home from college and liked the look of him. When he said hello in the bar one Friday night I mentioned seeing him in his car and we got talking. A friend from college told me he didn't look as if he would make old bones...sadly she was right.
I met my second husband on NYE in a bar, he asked me out but I was with someone at the time. We met again later and got together. I don't go in bars anymore!

And yes, we were both drunk! I was 19 and a student and he was 23 and graduated and working. I can't imagine having to go through it all again tbh.

I’ve never met anyone in a bar, Engaging with strangers consuming alcohol is not a great start. That’s just weird.

That’s exactly how I met ExH. When I was 21. I was doing a Battle of the Bands thing, spotted him at the front inbetween songs, thought nothing of approaching him after.

I’m 38 now and I wouldn’t have the nerve to either drum or approach a wildly good looking bloke.

Met in a bar was common when we were younger, but I'm not sure it's how 50 plus people date now, usually it's through online, work colleagues or hobbies. Bars are a bit different now as well, plenty of people not on the pull go out to socialize with friends. I was approached in bars a lot in twenties, can't think of the last time more recently and I'd be quite annoyed if some random man approached me and a friend now as we are there to chat (unlike when I was younger!)

I think this is seriously where I went wrong when I was younger. I never went to bars/clubs or pubs. I was shy and nervous back then (not now) and would deliberately avoid going. Explains why I ended up with someone older who I was incompatible with - so naive! Led to a long, unfulfilling relationship for me which I ended 2 years ago.

Regret big time not getting out more!

I’m 50 now and hate OLD! Getting nowhere with it and feel like a product in the Argos catalogue!! It’s awful!!

I think we will see more stuff like this over the next few years, sort of like a school reunion for those of us who wouldn’t want to go to a school reunion.

A version of ’Haven’t Stopped Dancing Yet’ for every city please!

www.haventstoppeddancingyet.co.uk

(there is a thing near me called ‘Daytime Disco’ but I worry that it will be like ‘Rainbow Rhythms’ from Peep Show!)

I think it often means we met online and arranged to meet in a bar.

I met one of my boyfriends in a bar. The others have been at uni, work, brother of a friend and my current boyfriend through tinder.

The one I met in a bar was a bar I used to go to often so we got talking and got to know each other over time. It wasn’t just a one off.

I met my lovely long term ex at a bar and met other short term guys there. I'm mid 30s. I'm also an introvert. They were all average or good looking but it was the chemistry and the booze that greased the wheel of the conversation.
You just have to read the room and pick up on the initial signals where it tells you she's interested in talking. The creepy guys were the ones that noticed me first, popped up out of nowhere and stared intensely at me offering a drink or who wouldn't leave me alone or were too sexual or intense with their compliments.
You have to see if she's interested in talking to you and take the hint quickly when her mood changes or something happens that tells you she might be getting bored or worse creeped out. You shouldn't be drunk or hit on drunks though. A bit tipsy merry maybe when there is a band or something to talk about like a pub quiz or a wine tasting session.
Anyway, most people date online these days or at meet ups or hobbies... dont think many people do the 'met at a bar'.

@Sandra1984 why ? It was quite the normal way to meet
You obviously also met them sober or spoke on the phone etc at some point
And having a drink doesn't always mean pissed
Its not so common now but dating apps didn't really exsist
But younger people prob still meet this way sometimes even at uni it may be on a student night out etc

So, where would you advise a 50 year old female to meet someone these days? I’m hating OLD and not getting anywhere with it. Attractive (so I’m told), love the outdoors and travel, educated (currently doing a 2nd Masters degree) and in a good job (senior management level). Lovely personality and very passionate! Still alone!! I don’t get it!!!

Out of a long marriage and I wasn’t a bar going person in my youth, due to shyness and lack of cash, so missed the chance to mingle with potential sexy, hot, rich and satisfying males!

Well, let’s just say I ended up married to a man 10 years my senior who was probably my first real boyfriend…the word friend really sticks out now as that’s all he became.

And, people can’t believe I’m 50!

So, where would you advise a 50 year old female to meet someone these days?

I am 52. I could easily find someone single through any of the sports I do (running club, outdoor swimming, circuits). I guess that's the same with any interest or hobby - you find like minded people who you otherwise might not have meant in your day to day home/work life.

Yes, I think I’m going to have to make an effort to do more activities.

I'm not single but the activities I do (currently choir, used to do a language, knitting) are very female. In theory I cycle with a women's cycling group but there's a TIM who seems to have taken over leading the group so I could switch to a "middle aged slow cyclists" group if I could find one. I can't do other fitness due to an injury except Aquafit and Pilates/yoga which are also very female!

How about outdoor swimming? Lots of fit (slightly mad!) fellas in wetsuits there