What does 'we met in a bar' actually mean?

[PotteringPondering]

People often share grim experiences of online dating. I hear people say, 'I'd rather do it the traditional way and meet in a bar'.

I realise have no idea what that actually means. Does it smuggle in other assumptions (eg you're in the bar with a group of friends, and the group gets chatting to another group of people)?

I'm a 50s m – no matter how good looking, witty or charming I am, if walked up to a complete stranger in a bar and started chatting, wouldn't that be seen as creepy and inappropriate?

I'm genuinely puzzled. Are there contexts where that wouldn't be seen as creepy? Are there people who wouldn't find that creepy?

We did.

Alas, he lives 250 miles away 😞

I met DH in a bar. I was sitting at a table with a friend and he came in with his friend and asked if they could share our table (there was a band playing so they wanted to sit near the front). We got talking, and the rest is history.

I think it can be an easy and relaxed way to meet someone. Perhaps easier if there is a reason to sit next to someone without it looking too pushy at first eg. music/comedy/quiz bar.

Some bars and pubs have events which could be the ice-breaker you need. Eg some have Singles night, where you know that everyone there should be OK with being chatted to! Or how about quiz night? Worth asking the staff if people on their own get allocated to a group or something. Just being there for a quiz gives you something to talk about with other people afterwards. A local pub had a craft beer tasting evening. Worth a go? Ask pub staff if they have any social events you can come to on your own.

Have you looked at Meetup? That's where people organise events to meet friends or potential dates, but based round a common interest.

I met my husband in a filthy techno club. We were early 20s. I don't imagine that set of circumstances would repeat itself if I was to find myself on the market again. 😂

I’m over 60, and agree that approaching unknown women was perfectly normal back in the day - the men did have to make the first move, and that’s what women my age would be used to.

I go out a lot, rarely to pubs any more but galleries, cinema, museum, concerts. Any small event with a bar or coffee shop will probably attract far more women than men. Just talk to someone in the interval/post-show coffee queue, ask them if they enjoyed whatever it was and what they thought.
Think of it as practice talking to strangers, you’ll chance on someone after a while.

But why would that be a ‘problem’, unless you lack friends, or have friends who don’t like bars? I’m 50 and going out with some female friends (a mix of single and attached) tonight, and the bar (tapas and cocktails) we’re going to has a mix of ages, and we’ve certainly had some flirtatious interaction there before. A 47 year old divorced male friend also drinks there with a mix of single/attached friends. I’m married, but wouldn’t find a polite approach at the bar out of place.

Because by the time everyone has coordinated diaries around all the assorted family and work commitments we seem to make it out on a weekend night quarterly at best?
So compared to two decades ago when we might’ve gone out monthly or 3 decades ago when we were out several times a week, the odds of being out at the same time as someone who is single, looking to date, mutually attractive and compatible the odds are quite small!

where at least with organised activity you can go on your own/more often, so more opportunities to meet someone.

If you become single later in life, through widowhood or divorce you lose a lot of friends. You don't fit comfortably into old arrangements or people just avoid being around you IME. In time you make new ones but it doesn't happen overnight.

I was in the pub with my housemate, so was my now husband. We met in a bar!

How do you make friends if you do not talk to people you do not know

Met my DH in my local, I knew him by sight but had never said anything but ‘Hello’ to him in passing. It was quite busy and seats were in short supply so I asked if he minded me sitting on the empty stool at his table.
The rest is history!

I met my husband in a bar.

We were both at an industry event and I knew a couple of the people in his group at the bar, so went to say hello to them, started chatting to him and we ended up exchanging numbers.

Granted I was young and gorgeous then, batting them off left right and centre, up for endless flirty banter and probably half cut.

At 45, I’m short of patience, can’t be arsed with small talk and don’t like alcohol, so my dating experiences would probably be very different if I were single now!

I met my DH in a bar. I was with some friends who knew him, he was with another gang. I said I needed some work done to my house and they brought me over to meet him (he did property renovations). I wrote my phone number on a beer mat and he came round a few weeks later

Yes met dh in bar/ pub . I was on night out with my mates him with his and we all got chatting , we hit it off
We all piled on to nightclub etc , me and dh exchanged numbers and took it from there
Its how myself and friends met many of our boyfriends back then late 90's
Sometimes i took numbers and never called or even gave incorrect one as well

I was dreaming yesterday of starting an over fifties night locally just because work is shit and loud music ber and dancing used to be the answer. If I am not the only one maybe others might want a cheap night out. I didn't mean because I could then nonchalantly ask a particular workmate to get out and gave fun obviously. I stopped myself incase I did or incase it would just have idiots and stewarding or noise problems. Maybe it is something others can do in their own patch. I am not sure if shaking it out is the answer for OP who might be too quiet a soul for that sort of thing. I hope I do do it anyway just for one good night, ulterior motives aside.😊

I agree with many it was easier to do when younger and the way many people met
You went on the pull as such and knew the pubs/ clubs to go to where other young groups of people would be
It wasn't risk free though of course

30 or 20 years ago you met in a pub/bar. These days not so much, especially in middle age.

I did meet Dh in a bar. I was with a group of friends, he was with a group of friends, some from each group knew each other and had agreed to meet up with them later. This is from a time where 4 people say they are going out. Someone else asks one of those people to come out with them, they say I am already going out with (names people) but then invites them too. The group grows, some are really close friends others less so. I caught Dh's eye and thought he looked lovely. We were separated by a couple of tables in the first pub but kept deliberately looking at each other. At some point we all moved on to another pub and this time we made sure we were sat next to each other. That was 26 years ago.

Re approaching women, you make eye contact first, put yourself in their eye line. Body language gives off clues as to whether they want you to approach or not. If you mis-read that it should be obvious if you try to talk to someone whether or not it is welcome and you move on or ask to sit down. Best if you are out with a friend rather than a lone prowler

Oh and I wasn't out on the pull. In fact I was giving myself a break from all the drama. I was out with my best mate and determined just to have a laugh with the group we were with which were a lot of fun. In fact I said Dh looked really lovely and maybe keep me away from him. Rubbish best mate clearly.

I met my partner in a pub last year. He is 53 and I'm 50. I had four pints and decided I liked the look of him so went and chatted him up

Up to late 20's early 30's I think it's perfectly normal to meet someone that way in a bar/pub/club. That's how I met DH, he was a friend of a friend and we met in a pub. Now at nearly 50 it's harder to imagine that happening.

Actually a good friend in her 50s swears by meeting men at AA, so maybe that's where the people people who previously met in bars now hang out. She says it is better than OLD

Sounds fun. OP is open to offers 😁

I met my husband in a bar. Eyes met across the room and he came over. And that was that. I was with friends. So was he. That's how it happened in the days before OLD. If you're in your 50's I don't know how you don't know how it used to work.

I'm finding the op gross trying to pull on Mumsnet, so I imagine I'd find him gross pulling in a bar, but much more acceptable somehow