Husband paying MIL, am I being unreasonable?

[Kardelen]

MIL lives with her other kids which all have full time jobs, and some good salaries.
Recently her benefits were stopped, so for her to stay at home and not look for jobs, they decided they will share out living costs so that she does not have to work.

so dh contributes nearly 200 a month. I am currently working PT and pregnant with second baby so Will be on mat leave soon which means I won’t be having much income coming in.

he says the 200 is for her spending, but am sure it will be used for their household bills. He doesn’t pay any bills at ours, as we live with my parents due to financial reasons and they want us to save.
when I pointed this out he got very annoyed with me and said he will just go to his mums. He never treats me to anything either, i always pay for my own things, even dinner dates we rarely go to is halved.

am I being unreasonable?

How old is she?

True.
it’s just so frustrating. He will probably say to give through my own earnings like he does with his. He hasn’t messaged since yesterday as he’s at work now but I don’t think I’ll message either

Around 55

You are enabling this because he wouldn’t have the money to give to his mother if you and your family weren’t subsidising him. Hopefully this has awoken to your cocklodger H.

There’s no ‘getting through to a selfish man. His hypothetical Fifty quid a month child care contribution says all you need about the financial selfish/ stupidity of this man.

Send him back to hi Mum’s permanently.

She was no longer entitled to what she gets, so they said she needs to work. She got depressed as she doesn’t want to look for a job so that’s why they want to contribute more. H was already contributing towards her spending normally, just has dramatically increased it.

If you are on maternity leave, he should support you. That is one of the reasons you raise children with a partner rather than just doing it by yourself. It’s his child!

What do you get out of the relationship if you are not equal partners?

I want to talk to him, but if I mention this it makes me upset and I cry and can’t focus. and then I can’t put my points across which leaves me in a situation.

He said imagine our sons wife in future argues with son if you need money, and son wants to give it how would you feel.
but I don’t think I would want to be taking his money in the first place….

Oh I thought you was going to say a year off retirement! So that's at least another ten years of giving her £200... that's £24k!!!

Assuming the state pension doesn't go up again which it probably will. I would honestly tell your husband to leave. It's only going to get worse.

When I did mention this he said I will still be getting money.

Through mat leave

That's not much though. Does he even contribute to the children or expect you to pay for them? What do you see in him?

This is so messed up .
He needs to support you and his child first , then and only then if there is anything left can he give his mum a little , but no way until your expenses and savings are taken care of . If he insists on giving his mum tell him to get a second job PT and give her that money .

And of course, If one of the siblings move out, then the 200 will be increased they said.

this is my worry. As he was already contributing, but now has increased. Also they will split her other medical needs or other needs if she needs private dental etc etc they said.
so it doesn’t just end with 200

she doesn't want to look for a job
God almighty, if we all didn't work just because we didn't want to what would happen? She needs to grow the fuck up! She's an adult (from what you say there's no reason she can't work?), so I do believe she has a moral obligation to work & not rely on state help just because she doesn't want to work.

For the child’s expenses we either split, or sometimes I pay for things. Or use the child benefit money every child is entitled to.

If he argues with you again and says he will go to his Mums I would honestly help him pack his bags. Your marriage is a shitshow. You are absolutely bottom of his list of priorities.

This is my point too. I’d love to stay with the babies at home look after them, but I work. I work and I’m pregnant, I work and I will be having two small kids. I work, and the money goes to the in-laws bills indirectly!

I was in a similar situation when I was on mat leave with our second. I only got statutory mat pay and was dipping into my overdraft every month to make ends meet. Then I found out my DP had been giving his mother money because she was struggling and "it's his mother". I read him to riot act and told him in no uncertain terms that we were not in a position to support anyone else and he needed to put me and the kids first. He stopped, it was hard for him because she was very emotionally manipulative, but he got past it and came round.

We now keep the same amount a month each in our own accounts and put everything we earn over that into the joint account. All bills and food shopping etc comes out of the joint account. Maybe something similar would work for you. He needs to stop paying him mum first though obviously, don't put up with that!

Does that mean after we also put money into our savings?
He’s actually also given his brother a loan for a course for him to do.

She won't get the full pension as she's not getting NI credits towards it. You have to pay £60 per month to get NI pension credits if you are not working.

Dear lord has his brother started to pay him back?!

Do they all just use him as a cash cow? Why are you allowing this?

You are a complete mug, having a second child with this waster.

Your poor parents being used like this.

Send him to live with his mother and start making better choices.

He doesn't give a damn about you or your family, his priority is his first family and supporting his mother.

He will never pay his way, he will just live off you and use you.

You need to wake up and start protecting yourself from this utter user and waster.

Send him home.

how did he respond when you told him not to?

he wants to contribute less to savings now because obviously he can’t afford all this. He’s practically left near to over draft every month already, and kept telling me. I felt bad, but now I’m thinking I’m so stupid. I don’t understand why someone would need a total of 600 for spending a month after groceries/bills?
when I told my husband his contributions are going towards their house bills, he first said no.. and then said that’s her choice.i don’t get why we need to pay for their bills when they also earn more than us

I learnt the hard way. Go get yourself a place and rent. He's taking you and your parents for mugs. If he's giving money for to her he can pay rent.