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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Trigger Warning - Why don’t you do everyone a favour and kill yourself

174 replies

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 12:57

Is the lovely thing my husband said to me this morning. We have 2 dc and they heard, my poor toddler is traumatised. To add insult to injury, I had v severe pnd with my first and planned to end my life, bought a rope at the time he found it and hid it, when he told me to go kill myself today he threw the same rope at me and told me to use it. What sparked this was me telling him he was taking ages getting ready, he then started mocking and mimicking me and I told him that’s not cool and it find it really triggering (abusive childhood and feelings were often invalidated through mimicry) he carried on and then I told him that I can’t do this anymore and viola descended into a tirade of verbal abuse about how fat I am, how ugly I am, how I have no one and the piece de resistance that everyone would be Better off if I was dead.

i know, Ltb and obviously I will, this is misery and hell and I can’t forgive him for putting my children through this. He doesn’t want a divorce though and will make things ugly, as you can tell things are already ugly. I tried to leave with the kids earlier but he took all the house keys and then accused me of traumatising my toddler.

i don’t have anyone to talk to, I’m all alone, I just have to get what happened out.

just to say I did have a lot of therapy and counselling after I felt suicidal with pnd and took meds and in time felt a lot better

OP posts:
Iamclearlyamug · 29/10/2022 12:58

You really need to leave - today!

That is one of the most horrible things I've ever read on mumsnet.

Do you have family or a friend you could go to temporarily?

jtlr · 29/10/2022 12:59

Your husband sounds awful, can you ask him to leave or go and stay with family?

Iamclearlyamug · 29/10/2022 12:59

Oh and if he takes the keys so you can't escape, call the police!

MadeForThis · 29/10/2022 13:01

You need to get out of the house for now and let it calm down. He can't refuse a divorce. Stay safe today.

Tell someone, anyone in real life. You need support.

That behaviour is extremely abusive.

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:02

Iamclearlyamug · 29/10/2022 12:58

You really need to leave - today!

That is one of the most horrible things I've ever read on mumsnet.

Do you have family or a friend you could go to temporarily?

Nope no one, I wish I did but nope, abusive childhood so no family and I seem to have fair weather friends, no one I could rely on.

he won’t leave, obviously because that would be the decent thing to do. I’ve read (because I have been reading up on this for a while) that you shouldn’t leave your home if you own it because that can mean the other party can take it.

I’ve already left a few messages for divorce solicitors to call me back asap Monday, none seem to be open today.

OP posts:
Leomii81 · 29/10/2022 13:02

He sounds vile op so sorry

JessesMum777888 · 29/10/2022 13:04

Call womens aid or refuge.
you and now your child has heard are being abused.
please call them x

Cosycover · 29/10/2022 13:04

Have you any family close by?

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:05

MadeForThis · 29/10/2022 13:01

You need to get out of the house for now and let it calm down. He can't refuse a divorce. Stay safe today.

Tell someone, anyone in real life. You need support.

That behaviour is extremely abusive.

I know :(. That seems to be the theme of my life, abuse. Fucking sucks. Worse still, is that he’s saying it’s all my fault and I caused all of this and pushed him.

this is something my mother used to do when she’d attack me. I know this behaviour

OP posts:
TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 29/10/2022 13:05

Women’s Aid will help you to be safe today. Please call them for advice.

You shouldn’t be under the same roof as this man for a day longer.

PanicAtTheBigTesco · 29/10/2022 13:06

Call womens aid now, they will help today.

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:06

Cosycover · 29/10/2022 13:04

Have you any family close by?

Nope, we’re NC after an incredibly abusive childhood

OP posts:
Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:07

PanicAtTheBigTesco · 29/10/2022 13:06

Call womens aid now, they will help today.

This might sound silly but will I lose my job if I do this? I work in quite a middle management position with lots of safe guarding and security issues I’m worried it will make me look too risky and unstable

OP posts:
Lividity · 29/10/2022 13:09

Your job don’t need to know, do they?

This isn’t your fault.

Teeturtle · 29/10/2022 13:09

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:02

Nope no one, I wish I did but nope, abusive childhood so no family and I seem to have fair weather friends, no one I could rely on.

he won’t leave, obviously because that would be the decent thing to do. I’ve read (because I have been reading up on this for a while) that you shouldn’t leave your home if you own it because that can mean the other party can take it.

I’ve already left a few messages for divorce solicitors to call me back asap Monday, none seem to be open today.

One person leaving doesn’t mean the other can keep the house, but it is recommended to stay put because it could be a long legal process to force a sale or retake legal possession. That advice does not stand when there is danger though, because safety comes before house possession and in this case I would be concerned for your safety.

I wouldn’t expect a solicitor to be working at the weekend either, but am sure somebody will get back to you on Monday. Good luck.

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 29/10/2022 13:09

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:07

This might sound silly but will I lose my job if I do this? I work in quite a middle management position with lots of safe guarding and security issues I’m worried it will make me look too risky and unstable

Of course not. What it will show is that you understand boundaries and are willing to do anything to safeguard your own child. Not that there’s any reason for work to know the details - just a change of address.

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:12

I’m just so sad

ive been unhappy for a while but he knows when I was little I’d dream about dying, and pray every night that I could die so I just didn’t have to live with the abuse anymore and because of how worthless I felt and he tried to encore that again

OP posts:
Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:12

*incite not encore

OP posts:
TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 29/10/2022 13:13

Partyofuno · 29/10/2022 13:12

I’m just so sad

ive been unhappy for a while but he knows when I was little I’d dream about dying, and pray every night that I could die so I just didn’t have to live with the abuse anymore and because of how worthless I felt and he tried to encore that again

At least now you know for sure what sort of man he is, so you will need no regrets at removing him from your life. Concentrate on your child - making a safe, free life for yourselves where your child never has to go through what you did. You can do this!

ShandaLear · 29/10/2022 13:14

Phone the police. He has imprisoned you against your will and is emotionally abusing you and your children.

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 13:17

Phone the police, then you have something on record. Also phone women’s aid

Are your DC at nursery/school?

oakleaffy · 29/10/2022 13:19

Why in hell didn’t he destroy the rope?
It IS. Very hard living with people who threaten suicide- It’s almost like a form of torture for loved ones
But leave him and start life anew.
Suicide destroys children’s lives- Please get urgent help asap.
Suicide is not the answer- problems are solvable, but children whose parents kill themselves suffer horrendous guilt themselves that lasts deep into adulthood.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/10/2022 13:19

I tried to leave with the kids earlier but he took all the house keys and then accused me of traumatising my toddler.

Does he still have all the keys?
If he does - call the police.
This is pure coercive control. Tell them your husband is being abusive, is scaring your children, & is not allowing you to leave the house.

He'll soon change his tune when the cops turn up.

In the meantime ... deep breaths. You have amazing strength & resilience to have got through your PND & endured your terrible husband.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/10/2022 13:21

Do you have family or a friend you could go to temporarily?

Nope no one, I wish I did but nope, abusive childhood so no family and I seem to have fair weather friends, no one I could rely on.

When you are free of that abusive & controlling twat of a man, you will find that you have the energy & space to make mutually sustaining friendships.

MingoDringo · 29/10/2022 13:21

Call women's aid now. They'll help you x

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