Trigger Warning - Why don’t you do everyone a favour and kill yourself

[Partyofuno]

Is the lovely thing my husband said to me this morning. We have 2 dc and they heard, my poor toddler is traumatised. To add insult to injury, I had v severe pnd with my first and planned to end my life, bought a rope at the time he found it and hid it, when he told me to go kill myself today he threw the same rope at me and told me to use it. What sparked this was me telling him he was taking ages getting ready, he then started mocking and mimicking me and I told him that’s not cool and it find it really triggering (abusive childhood and feelings were often invalidated through mimicry) he carried on and then I told him that I can’t do this anymore and viola descended into a tirade of verbal abuse about how fat I am, how ugly I am, how I have no one and the piece de resistance that everyone would be Better off if I was dead.

i know, Ltb and obviously I will, this is misery and hell and I can’t forgive him for putting my children through this. He doesn’t want a divorce though and will make things ugly, as you can tell things are already ugly. I tried to leave with the kids earlier but he took all the house keys and then accused me of traumatising my toddler.

i don’t have anyone to talk to, I’m all alone, I just have to get what happened out.

just to say I did have a lot of therapy and counselling after I felt suicidal with pnd and took meds and in time felt a lot better

Still waiting

My hear is pounding reading this. Please call 999.

I’ll be seeking legal advice Monday anyway on how to end the marriage currently he’s saying he’ll happily divorce but only if he has 100% overnight custody and I have sporadic visitation, it’s the ‘they’re better off without you, i don’t trust you with them’ that was the same that came before just go Kill yourself earlier

24 hrs?!!!! Okay then the answer is for you to try to leave, with the children and when he stops you, you call 999 and tell them you need the police that your husband is abusing you, and that you are trying to leave and he won't let you, they have to send someone then!
Where there are domestic issues (me and my ex partner were separated by then, and granted there was already a police case on going as he was on bail, so perhaps that's why they came around quickly) but I was told where there are domestic issues they have to send someone within a certain amount of time.

Let him say whatever he wants, he has his story and you have your situation of what you have been and are going through!

He can bring your MH in to it, but then you can tell them what he said and did with the rope, and is that what a normal person does when someone has MH problems then?
Many abusive men will say they will report you, they will say this and that, that you are a bad mother etc, but these people are trained to spot crap.

i got through to 101, they said I called the right channel as there’s no immediate danger

Whoever advised you is wrong - you are being held captive by your H while he rants & abuses both you & your toddler. Did you tell them that he has taken your house keys & refuses to allow you to leave?

This is a common chapter of "The Script" which abusive men use to control their partners. He can say whatever he likes. It won't be his decision.

I think you should call 999. The 101 response was unacceptable.

This is one of the most shocking posts I've ever read on here. What an absolute c*nt he is.

It sounds like he's panicking and pulling every last abusive trick out of his bag to keep you under his control. The shopping thing is completely normal, I do this everytime I go shopping with my little ones to keep them safe and secure!

He knows that you're very close to escaping and he's ramping it up his abusive behaviour.
Please trust your instincts and do not listen to another word of rubbish that comes out of his mouth.

We're all behind you. You've got this x

How much childcare does he currently do? Many abusive, controlling dads threaten 100% custody etc but in reality wouldn't actually do it

I also agree, i played it down when it used to happen to me. But one push can cause serious injuries.
My ex partner did it to me in the garden, both of us out there with our toddler at the time, DC was playing around went near the outside of kitchen window where drain is and got his foot stuck in the drain, and my ex pushed me to tell me off that i had not acted quick enough, despite him being there too 🤔 but this was his way some parts of his culture to blame too that the mother is responsible for the child 🤦‍♀️

I agree, this country makes me sick how they act sometimes, no 24 hrs is definantly not good enough!

Oh 🤔 so who carried gave birth to those children and had PND got through that and has still no doubt been the main carer? And ran a home etc? Did or does your husband not work? Because otherwise, who has been looking after the children if he has been at work.
The guy is talking complete rubbish. Well he can take it to court and hear what a judge has to say about pushing and shoving in front of the DC and saying what he did about you killing yourself in front of your DC.

That is the most shocking thing l think l have ever seen on here op.

You poor thing, l hope you find the strength to leave this horrible bastard

Thankyou! Yet I got told off for yelling at my child, but they are saying what on the phone 😳🤔🤔 Ring back 101 or 999 as I've said OP. If he does anything to you or the kids and then you hadn't reported it, they'd be on your case too so no sorry that doesn't work for me, what they have said to you.

I told 101 everything, we can technically leave the house now, he’s put the keys back but he’d notice if I packed our bags and collated all important documents and went to leave. Plus it’s him I want out of the family home, ultimately it’s easier for him to leave than the kids, that just makes things for distressing for them

Sorry you are going through this OP. This man is extremely abusive and dangerous. If you are worried about the police not believing you, do you have any of his abuse in written form? Texts or emails? This may give you more confidence. I would also dial 999 and tell them what has happened and that you fear for uour safety.

Nah he’s not stupid, no proof of anything. I don’t think hed beat me up or physically really hurt me, sounds a bit off but I’d almost prefer if he did, there could be no arguing with bruises whereas the police, yet again have turned their backs on me.

he’s cleaning right now and I’m just so emotionally exhausted I don’t have the bandwidth to battle with the police or womens aid’s broken Chatbot. I just need to get through the weekend and to speak to a solicitor

You said this

He’s not too physically violent, mainly shoves and stuff

This is physical violence. Also I hate to say it, when an abuser knows you want to part, their violence can escalate.

I do hope WA or the Police help you today.

he’s cleaning right now and I’m just so emotionally exhausted I don’t have the bandwidth to battle with the police or womens aid’s broken Chatbot. I just need to get through the weekend and to speak to a solicitor

But I thought the police were sending an officer within 24 hours?
Is that still happening?

yeah terrible isn’t it, the hierarchy of abuse

They said they’ll try to, I’m not holding my breath though, fucking joke

He’ll have to leave the house sometime. Or you go about your normal week with dc. Then go. Go to a police station and tell them everything. Tell them you and children need immediate protection.
As pp have said he’s coming out with all this rubbish as he’s shit scared the police will turn up.
Good luck, I hope you get all the help you need to get away from this awful man.

So sorry you are going through this, it sounds like he is trying to emotionally break you. Call the national centre for domestic abuse on 08448044999. They can advise you on an occupation order.

So sorry you are going through this OP. Really hope the police turn up.

Your husband is a horrible person and you need to leave him or get him out. Your children should not have to witness/hear such things. Get legal advice and get a network of people to support you, if possible - family, friends, neighbours.

Please read the thread, preferably the OP too before suggesting things and just repeating what I ‘should do’ when I’ve said I’m literally doing it . It’s actually really awful to repeatedly read, ‘go to family’ when I’ve said several times now I don’t have any due to an extremely abusvie childhood the likes of which make today look like a day as Disneyland