Trigger Warning - Why don’t you do everyone a favour and kill yourself

[Partyofuno]

Is the lovely thing my husband said to me this morning. We have 2 dc and they heard, my poor toddler is traumatised. To add insult to injury, I had v severe pnd with my first and planned to end my life, bought a rope at the time he found it and hid it, when he told me to go kill myself today he threw the same rope at me and told me to use it. What sparked this was me telling him he was taking ages getting ready, he then started mocking and mimicking me and I told him that’s not cool and it find it really triggering (abusive childhood and feelings were often invalidated through mimicry) he carried on and then I told him that I can’t do this anymore and viola descended into a tirade of verbal abuse about how fat I am, how ugly I am, how I have no one and the piece de resistance that everyone would be Better off if I was dead.

i know, Ltb and obviously I will, this is misery and hell and I can’t forgive him for putting my children through this. He doesn’t want a divorce though and will make things ugly, as you can tell things are already ugly. I tried to leave with the kids earlier but he took all the house keys and then accused me of traumatising my toddler.

i don’t have anyone to talk to, I’m all alone, I just have to get what happened out.

just to say I did have a lot of therapy and counselling after I felt suicidal with pnd and took meds and in time felt a lot better

You have been so strong getting to where you are today despite an abusive upbringing, please channel that strength and leave today. The next few months are going to be undeniably hard but you will get there and be happier than ever

Call the police now, tell them he's refusing to let you leave with your children and is abusive. They will come out and get him out of the house or safely get you and your children out.
Please do it today x

My poor toddler, I can’t believe the cycle has continued. How can I forgive myself for this? I keep looking at her face and crying

You will forgive yourself when you start to heal. When you understand it is not your fault. You will start to heal when that bastard is no longer manipulating you.

Men like this should be lined up and shot. Fucking hell.

Of course he'll tell you your mental health will go against you. He wants to control you. I'd ring the police and say you are scared for your and your children's safety. Then take your children and leave. Your husband is fucking twat.

I’m in a queue with the police, he won’t leave

Is there absolutely nobody you can call for moral support? Honestly if you were local I'd come right now with my car and remove you myself - you poor thing. This is the saddest thread I've ever read.

Please please get some support from the police and women's aid. You don't deserve this and I promise your kids will be better off without him xx

I grew up in a very abusive home. I got out when I was in my early 20's only to step right into an abusive relationship. it's taken me 20 years to work out that the man was attracted to me because I was vaneable. both my parent and my H were also really good at fooling people, apart from the police. they can spot the manipulating gas lighting bastards a mile off. Don't worry they've seen that you're crazy thing 100 times b4 (my dh used to do that) the police arnt going to buy that shit. please just get help.

I have very limited trust in the police, my mother fooled them. I called them on her, and begged them to take me into foster care and they left me, shouted at me and left me

Bugger the queue. This is an emergency. It doesn't feel like one, but it is. Call 999.

He’s saying we’ll both use our children, is this true? He’s going to say I abuse him too, he said that I punched him in the night, a gross exaggeration of my shaking his leg to help with our son in the night after he refused to get out of bed

Ignore him he's trying to scare you into doing nothing. Please definitely speak to the police you won't regret it x

It's called DARVO. Common response from abusers to turn things back in their victim and claim that they are in fact a victim

It is not true. Believe your instincts.

He’s just saying any rubbish to get you to stop. Stay on the line and get the police there urgently. Keep focused. We are all holding your hand.

Honestly though I could batter him, I know that makes me sound awful but I could. It’s not my fault, ive never spouted the venom that he has, I’ve not got in his face with gritted teeth and made it seem like I’m going to attack him but he’s saying it’s me, it makes me so fucking angry

Good! It is righteous anger! Use it to fuel you today better life without the fucker xx

Stay calm while you speak to the police and wait for them to come and help you. Don't interact with him, go and sit in a different room if need be.
You're doing really well and we're all with you

Police can’t send anyone around now. Can aim to within 24 hrs

he’s saying he’s going to say there is a safe guarding risk due to the time I left the children in the car alone. What actually happened was I had a trolley full of groceries and my youngest was trying to climb out of the trolley so I put them in the car before loading the groceries and then put the trolley back in the trolley park 5 feet away

Sounds like he is panicking and is saying every lie he can to stop you reporting him to the police. He is lying. Did you call 999? I think you need to do this now.

i got through to 101, they said I called the right channel as there’s no immediate danger

I think I disagree. You say he has not been violent but pushes, shoving etc are all violence.

@Partyofuno many parents do that with shopping trolleys, like many parents leave their children in the car at a garage when paying for petrol. No safeguarding issue

With respect, they are wrong. You are in an abusive environment and you don't feel safe. Within 24 hours is not good enough. Please call 999.

Having you spoken to Woman's Aid yet? They will be help you to come up with a plan of escape.

The police may help but I wouldn't rely on them.