Trigger Warning - Why don’t you do everyone a favour and kill yourself

[Partyofuno]

Is the lovely thing my husband said to me this morning. We have 2 dc and they heard, my poor toddler is traumatised. To add insult to injury, I had v severe pnd with my first and planned to end my life, bought a rope at the time he found it and hid it, when he told me to go kill myself today he threw the same rope at me and told me to use it. What sparked this was me telling him he was taking ages getting ready, he then started mocking and mimicking me and I told him that’s not cool and it find it really triggering (abusive childhood and feelings were often invalidated through mimicry) he carried on and then I told him that I can’t do this anymore and viola descended into a tirade of verbal abuse about how fat I am, how ugly I am, how I have no one and the piece de resistance that everyone would be Better off if I was dead.

i know, Ltb and obviously I will, this is misery and hell and I can’t forgive him for putting my children through this. He doesn’t want a divorce though and will make things ugly, as you can tell things are already ugly. I tried to leave with the kids earlier but he took all the house keys and then accused me of traumatising my toddler.

i don’t have anyone to talk to, I’m all alone, I just have to get what happened out.

just to say I did have a lot of therapy and counselling after I felt suicidal with pnd and took meds and in time felt a lot better

Ps my ex called the police and ambulance on me when I said I couldn’t live with his abuse anymore - I was sobbing with a young baby - best thing he could of done.

the ambulance turned up and questioned me without him there he was in the kitchen and then the police

then on my medical records it says ‘ambulance crew said in their opinion father was twisting mothers words and in fact mother in normal and despite being depressed (I like you had pnd) this was being treated but the words said to mother was ‘you are useless no child would want you as a mother’ etc and both ambulance and police in attendance agreed that mother was under severe abuse of a verbal and mental nature by the father. Father was removed by police

they are trained to spot abuse and tell them
tell them word for word what he has said and done

do it now

you will be believed

Definitely do this. You need to take action now to protect yourself and stop your toddler from witnessing this abuse.

Can you get out be pretending to go to the park or local shop with dc?

Please ring womensaid and get to a refuge. Or get you in touch with the nearest one.

If needed ring the police to escort you and explain the situation. He sounds really violent. I'd leave as fast as I could.

Virtual handhold here

You need to call womens aid and get you and your children out asap

Also call the police and get his appalling abuse on record

He cannot stop you divorcing him
He cannot stop you getting 50% (usually as a minimum) of the house

You will get out of this. Things will get better

Please pay a lot of attention to @ThingsIhavelearnt's advice OP - the police are there to protect YOU.

You may even want to consider alerting Social Services to the emotional trauma your H has subjected your toddler to. Just think how that would pre-empt his cowardly & spiteful attempt to paint you as an unfit parent - when it's him who is the abusive parent & H.

The more proactive you can get now, the sooner you will escape, & the better your chances are of a good outcome re contact/asset split etc.

I’m so sorry 😞
here for support and hand hold x

Please call the Police, they can remove him and keep you safe. Then contact Women's Aid for help and support.

It doesn't sound like the OP is suicidal..

There’s a 35 min wait for womens aid I’m in the queue now, he won’t let me take the kids. He’s saying if I go, I go alone. I’m terrified. He’s not too physically violent, mainly shoves and stuff (not saying that it’s ok, it’s obviously heinous) the emotional abuse and how it’s always all my fault, it’s just unbearable.

how can I take the kids out of the house, so I just pack their bags and take them? Is it kidnapping? What if he starts blocking the doors and trying to grab them so I can’t put them in the car? What do I do there? Call the police?

Call the police anyway. Don't let it escalate first. Call them and calmly explain that you are trapped, he won't allow you or the children to leave and ask for them to be there to support you to leave calmly for the sake of the children.

Get them to take you to the station and speak to Women's Aid from there.

If he's not going to let you leave then call the police now, tell them you have already tried to leave and he has taken all the keys, they will come out and help you leave.

Absolutely call the police. Pushing you is physical abuse btw.

You're a survivor @Partyofuno . You will get through this and get this abusive prick out of your life and things will get better for you and for your children.

Rhubarb & all the other PP are right OP - you really MUST call the police.

OP you need specialist advice - the National Domestic Violence Helpline is brilliant they are open now - 0808 2000 247.

is there any time he will be out of the house this weekend? You need to get your emergency kit together passport bank details change of clothes for each of you etc

Please call womens aid or similar, alternatively call 101 police and tell them what you have told us. They will help you

I'm so sorry. My exh told me to kill myself too. In front of my toddler. It was the moment that stuck and I could repeat to other people that made me accept I was being abused.

Coercive control is a crime. He is a criminal. Keep holding for women's aid but get him arrested.

Ultimately safety comes first but I will level with you. I left the house. It took a big court battle to get the house sold (to him) and him to pay me. I wanted the house back but it was not possible for complicated reasons but...

The law has changed and is on your side.

Do not be put off getting or trying to get him out with a court order

If you do have to leave for your safety, then that is the priority. You will build another life. It will be better though not easy.

I wish you love and strength

I think you should try to do it when he is not around, is that a possibility? Lull him into a false sense of security in the meantime.

Yes to this!

And this is excellent advice too.

No, he’s not daft, he’s right around the kids too because he knows that I’ll take them. He won’t be out of the house either.

i put the deposit down for the house too.

he’s said for months he’ll use my MH against me, told me for months I can’t cope with the kids alone, can’t afford them. I know I’ve done nothing wrong but I’m terrified

I think your misery and your kids’ unhappiness will only begin to lift once you leave this poor excuse of a human.

I hope you get all the help and advice you need - whether it be from Womens Aid or the police.

And as confused said above, the aftermath of leaving can be hard. It really can. But I reckon it will always feel easier than living a miserable lifetime with him. 💐

Although you are afraid that involving the police could make it worse for the DC, frankly, how could it be worse?
It is emotionally abusive for them to hear the things he is saying to you.

Additionally, he will not let you leave the house, hides keys, etc, clear indications of coercive control. A crime, nowadays.
My best advice to you is to ring both Police and Children's Services with these two bits of information, stating that you need to have him removed from the family home so that you can protect them. And yourself.

Acting now on this situation clearly indicates that you are putting the DC first, trying to protect them from emotional harm, which is what Children's Services will be interested in.

I would try my hardest not to leave the family home, as staying mean less disruption for the DC. The Police and Children's Services should assist with this.

That’s good -
Leaving your husband will help you feel more in control-
Divorce is stressful and expensive, but millions do it.
Best of luck for the future.