Found messages tonight..need someone to talk to.

[Icantdothis9]

Me and my partner haven't been sleeping in same bed mainly as I work at nights lately.
I heard pinging coming from his phone and I just had this feeling and thought nah that's crazy ..

Went upstairs to say goodnight and a message popped up on his phone and I just looked at it like I was going to see the time with the phone locked (I would never go through his phone ect) but it shown a WhatsApp message saying 'sorry I'll behave '

I asked him and he just said it was a lady from work. The women he works for..

I went downstairs and just felt something wrong so I went back up half hour later and asked to see the messages as I said it would eat me up otherwise he said okay baby at this point I thought I was being over the top.

He then looked surprised when I was like please show me and he tried to scroll past really quickly but she has deleted 8 messages before hand. With a message saying glad you can delete messages on here . An another sorry I'll behave.

He said I was breaking his trust even though I was right next to him he tried to snatch it out my hand and then I got it and had a better look not at much but she has said she enjoyed their chats more than she should.

He came downstairs and we talked he said he doesn't think anything of it as if this is normal.
He then went on to say she's a multimillionaire what would she see in a guy like him along with that's she proper sounds and attractive when I asked wish I didn't.

He said he would do nothing as we had kids and he loves me and it really isn't like that.

I have no money to leave no car. I just want to cry I have two kids with him not married I am fucked.

So what. Leave him anyway and rebuild your life better than with that cheating fucker in it.

This.

What an arsehole trying to make you believe that he's done nothing wrong!!!
You've had an awful shock, but you'll find the strength to leave him and look back one day and be glad that you did.

He's a shameless cheat

Well this is a bit too cruel for my liking.

You asked and instead of reassuring you, proceeds to tell you she is very wealthy, he admires her and she's attractive.

Could he have been more hurtful.
What a cunt, and this from a man who has 2 children by you and never given you the financial security of marriage that men should when you have given birth and spent your time rearing them.

What a lovely safe partner.

I would end it.
This is not a kind person.

Realistically you're not going to leave over this and he's likely going to do this again at some point. Start preparing yourself for the next time. Putting cash aside for a flat deposit and essentials - even if it's just £20 a week. As soon as you're able to, get a job. Men don't change and understandably you've got kids and don't have cash so can't do anything hasty but you've seen what he is.
Men are bastards and I wish I'd started preparing the first time I caught my ex messaging women as inevitably, he did it again and again.

All the best and positively op

Agree with this.

When he said ‘why would a person like her (rich, attractive, classy) want to be with me’ that means he is hoping to get with her. Look how cruel he was with you.

It is very hurtful and devastating but they are already involved with the chats and flirting.

I’d take this as motivation to begin building a life of my own without him. Start with caring for yourself, your own well being including yes appearance and health. Begin considering finding a better job. Immediately open your own account and start saving your earnings if you can. How old are your children? If still not in school, just hang tight and do the above things, when they’re in school, you can look for a better job that perhaps fits around their school schedule. Cultivate friendships for genuine support and look for new interests, hobbies, activities, including career opportunities.

You can do this. You deserve the best, not a jerk like him.

This dog is having his day at the moment

But you are going to start making things hard for him op arn't you ? (yes)

He's triangulated you now, not protected you as he should have done.
This should have been shut down and he should have respected you enough to not put you in the possition of being jealous.
He's allowed this woman power over you.

Don't ever fight for a man, no man is worth battling against another woman for. He is no prize.

You stop doing anything for him, he deserves none of your care, love or affection now, he has ruined your trust and your familie's harmony.

Time to plan and remember the hurt he is dishing out to you now, never forget.
I would consider him an enemy.

Sorry took me awhile. He finally admitted it's being flirtatious and he's been enjoying the banter but it's nothing more. I feel torn to pieces he just said can I go to bed now and I'm downstairs.

I'm going to start saving there have been other issues so no I won't lay down and take this but I have zero money to just up and leave all I make goes into my kids and I work part time so hard to save much but I will.

He said he should have stopped it and he will message her that tomorrow and show me but that he will apologize for not being professional. Can't help but think he will mention I know.

I am broken and so alone I'm just hugging my dog wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

He basically said he done I became out relationship isn't good and he's right it has been bad the past six months but I still would not do what he has done.

He was hugging me and I just got up and was like nah this is fucked I can't get over this. Don't care if nothing happened he lied for hours then finally admitted it and that he should have shut it down. I just don't believe it's been only couple of weeks.

My kids aren't school age. It hurts so much I nearly died in birth having the last one and he brought up my postnatal depression in this conversation of how hard past few years have been trying to say this is why it happened because he comes home to me moaning. He comes home half 7 at night he's gone over 12 hours and sometimes works weekends and I said I would have no idea if you were to have a full blown affair.

Of course he's trying to blame you.

They all do.

Can he change jobs, how long has he worked for her ?

I'm so lost. He said he's going to apologize to her tomorrow saying he shouldn't of been the way he was and I just lost it like you should be apologizing to me!

He said sorry once but it was so forced like when a little boy is asked to apologize.

I want it to work so bad but this is it. I would never of known if I didn't see his phone and I will always be on edge won't I. Whenever there's a problem he will need his ego massaged. This women has 120k cars like beyond rich and the messages were like I'll come pick you up when his car broke down

So whenever he's got a problem he's also been going to her.

He has about a month left max. I just found her on FB why am I doing this to myself

He said he would do nothing as we had kids and he loves me and it really isn’t like that.

Hogwash. They are already acting on their mutual crush via their flirting and deleting. It is he who has broken your trust. It sounds like an EA at the least. He’s put her on pedestal and feels validated by her attention.

Instead of admitting how inappropriate he’d been and showing remorse, he protected their relationship by downplaying it to throw you off the scent, making room for an escalation. He is prioritizing OW, not his family.

His trying to snatch the phone from you speaks volumes.

@Icantdothis9, he’s a cheat and I hope you will soon start planning your exit. Enduring what you know is happening with his boss will destroy your self-esteem and peace of mind.

He has been having an emotional affair, it wasn't flirting and banter, that is him minimising his actions.

Have you asked whether it was physical ?

I had a thread the other day that I got taken down because he dumped me one morning then half an hour later told me I could stay. This is not the first thing he has done. I had it removed as I put too much information in the thread but maybe some of you will recognize my situation.

I feel like my life is a bloody EastEnders episode. I just can't believe he would like like this or do this. He has mentioned her a few times in regards to how awesome she is. Fuck fuck fuck

He said it wasn't and he is home every night but that doesn't stop people if they want to I guess does it.

Thing is he saying we need to basically start getting on or it's over so if I so much as ask about this situation it's going to be on me isn't it.

I just want to wake up and this not be true but him saying the stuff he said I just can't.

I don't know what to actually do do I wait and save I think either way is going to kill me.

Ok, look no one will recognise what you have written, this is happening everday in someone's life so don't worry about that.

Have you got family or close friend support to help you at the moment.
We all know that devastation.

Don't think about doing anything at the moment, you don't need to make any decisions, just look after yourself.

Remember you can call the Samaritans if you need to speak to someone, if you can't talk to others right now.

Ask him to leave if you need, but will that make you feel more anxious at the moment ?

I have a friend who I been telling this all too I honestly don't see anyone outside my house I have her but mainly over the phone.

He just hugged me and said he has let himself down and it was banter the sorry was the most flat apologie I've ever heard. He could be an actor in the rings of power it was so bad.

Trying to smile and not let this break me.
It is over. When I saw the messages he wanted to have sex so first thing he was thinking about.. not innocent fuck this for a life.

I had the house immaculate made two dinners this evening after putting kids to bed I make him separate dinner as he won't want what the kids have. I feel such a mug and still what I do is not enough and if I don't have smiles plastered across my face it's game over.

Oh my head I could deal with everything but not stuff like this.

I want to tell his mum tomorrow and ask her to have the kids. I know that's insane but I am broken and I'm sure if I say it it will mean no going back.