Found messages tonight..need someone to talk to.

[Icantdothis9]

Me and my partner haven't been sleeping in same bed mainly as I work at nights lately.
I heard pinging coming from his phone and I just had this feeling and thought nah that's crazy ..

Went upstairs to say goodnight and a message popped up on his phone and I just looked at it like I was going to see the time with the phone locked (I would never go through his phone ect) but it shown a WhatsApp message saying 'sorry I'll behave '

I asked him and he just said it was a lady from work. The women he works for..

I went downstairs and just felt something wrong so I went back up half hour later and asked to see the messages as I said it would eat me up otherwise he said okay baby at this point I thought I was being over the top.

He then looked surprised when I was like please show me and he tried to scroll past really quickly but she has deleted 8 messages before hand. With a message saying glad you can delete messages on here . An another sorry I'll behave.

He said I was breaking his trust even though I was right next to him he tried to snatch it out my hand and then I got it and had a better look not at much but she has said she enjoyed their chats more than she should.

He came downstairs and we talked he said he doesn't think anything of it as if this is normal.
He then went on to say she's a multimillionaire what would she see in a guy like him along with that's she proper sounds and attractive when I asked wish I didn't.

He said he would do nothing as we had kids and he loves me and it really isn't like that.

I have no money to leave no car. I just want to cry I have two kids with him not married I am fucked.

@Icantdothis9 I’ve sent you a pm

OP
Please be wary of men from the forum wanting to talk to you on the phone.
Think carefully before giving your number out

Why are you wanting op to give you her number to talk to her on the phone?
It's very strange

Are you ok op?

Clearly you are exhausted, this is how all marriage breakdowns go, and people will still insist they do no damage.

You must prioritize your health at the moment, decisions do not have to be made instantly, it is in your time for you to build yourself back up from the gut punch you have recieved by your h and this ow.

Have you seen the gp yet ? it may help. You must also force yourself to eat and drink, your energy is depleating and pain always hurts more when you are run down.
Try to rest for a while from the investigating if you can, you are hyper vigillant at the moment stuck in the paralysis of fight or flight. You must rest.

If it helps to rest from the thread, do so, we wil still be here when needed, you are fearful of the decisions you make at the moment so give yourself a period of grace to recouperate. And be careful, I'm sure the male poster means no harm, but in your state just keep the two worlds separate, RL and the internet.
You have enough confusion already.

Take care lovely x

Haven't read the full thread but please don't forgive him for this, as others have said, he'll do it again. The respect is gone

Perhaps try looking into benefits if you don't get those already, that might give you more options

What a total dick

Thank you. Not doing too great to be honest. He's so calm and not effected. He literally doesn't give a shit about me or the kids leaving by looks of it now

My head's all over place don't know if it's still a game or not.

I wanted to save before going but don't see that working out now. It's too much being here..

Thank you I'm so emotional from the support on here. You guys make me feel human again.

I'm telling myself I'm young enough I can have a completely new life ahead of me
Not worrying about how tidy the house is how quickly I can get ready.

No verbal attacks before seeing people or events. I was walking the dog and even when I come back after an hour he was like did you walk the dog like it wasn't long enough. Everything I do is met with criticism.

I'm so weak and tired and he's just sat in other room with a nandos because he's can't even touch any of the food shopping I bought.

I'm so scared to start over but this life will not bring me happiness. I have to focus on my kids and hope things will work out and this time next year we could be in a place with no fear or tense atmospheres.

I just want to be loved and my girls to live in a happy home. I just feel like I've failed them. It's so hard not to blame myself.

You don't even realise how selfish he is intrinsically is do you ?, how he has always been like this. ?

You are witnessing a man with a mask that has fallen.
He is trying to break you, he wants you broken into submission. Of course he will alternate between stonewalling, silent treatment and crititism, no doubt anger soon when you don't comply.

Try not to get sucked into his pity party which obviously worked before, the eating Nando's and wasting money with the food you have bought, he is trying to show you seperatism, he will soon enough start smear campaignes to break you further. Can I suggest you leave every thing in his own hands concerning his own care, don't do anything for him.
It will not bring about any apology or reason for his behaviour, this narcissist believes he can have it all.

Do not take any blame for his actions, he did this and is still creating pain in order to get his own way, it is extremely sad for you to realise you are living with such an unreasonable man, but this realisation will grow stronger whether you stay or go.
You are grieving for the man you loved and the life you thought you had and it's future, be gentle on yourself, it's a hammer blow.
You have already made enourmous steps, be proud of that but remember to take one day at a time otherwise you will burn yourself out.

I would suggest reading up on narcissism, HG Tudor being the most in depth, or Dr Ramani on u tube, it gives you an idea how his mind works and how he is trying to control you, create fear and alter your reality. He wants you as confused as possible, to take maximum advantage. He's a cunt.

Again, take care, you must realise that he believes these are the actions he must take for you to submit, allow him to have his own way, and for there never be any repercussions against him in the future.

x

How are you op?

He’s trying to turn it around on you as a distraction.
as he tried to snatch his phone away and with the deleted messages…. Definitely something he doesn’t want you to know about.

She may be a millionaire and I’ll bet he’s hoping too.

Hope you're okay, OP