Ladies, do you think guys watching any kind of porn is a red flag?

[Blondieturtle]

I'm starting to wonder if guys watching porn is a red flag completely. This idea is getting more and more popular among women, and for those of you who have been with men who don't watch it at all, is there a noticeable difference in how they treat you as compared to other men?
There are just so many videos out there that condone abuse and pedo like tendencies and I feel like it's highly unlikely that a guy who watches it hasn't gotten off on these kinds of videos. Words like young, teen, forced, rough, ect. in the tilte of videos are so common I feel. Plus I think it's extremely easy and common for guys to be obsessed with it. My ex 24 bf had a reddit account dedicated to porn and tons of vids and photos saved on his phone and laptop and it made me feel so icky! I had watched porn in the past but it was always a get in and get out thing, having anything saved just feels gross.
Ladies, Is it worth it to find a guy who never watches it or do you think it's possible for men to have a healthy relationship with it?

I think it's naive to think that there are many men who never ever watch porn. Likewise if you choose to be in a relationship with someone it doesn't give you a right to ban things and tell them what they can and can't do.

I'm don't disagree with the negatives of porn though.

Don't know about Saltywalruss, but for me the use of "Ladies" makes me think a poster is potentially male.

I think of course men can have a healthy relationship with it - as you yourself did - you used it, but I'm sure you wouldn't class yourself as a red flag?

It's all dependent on the person individually and what you're willing to accept in a relationship. Some people want no porn, some are fine with websites only but not cam, some people are fine with it all. There's no blanket scenario!

Depends on what your idea of porn is. We're older and when we were younger what we would have seen as porn is now mainstream. A lot of what's now shown on the TV or films is fairly explicit compared to the past. What we have as young adult literature isn't far from what would have been erotica in mdns mags. Where its bad is the increasing violence and non ' vanilla' sex. The more we accept it the more acceptable it becomes.

It's all up to you what you find acceptable. OH had a thing about pretty 50s style dresses and underwear, old style glamour, which I was OK with (I actually quite liked full dresses etc). He thinks people look better with clothes than without which I sort of agree with.

I’m as 100% certain as I can be that my friends aren’t trafficked or coerced women and men pretending to be amateurs.

Female here!
I have watched porn in the past loads. Not to masturbate to I watched it in my teens due to interest. Then since then if jokes had come up that I don't understand I'd Google and usually porn would come up. For me personally, I can't get past bad acting and men just going at it fast.

My now husband had always watched it. I never really cared or took enough notice. But over the years I noticed he'd only finished without masturbating a handful of times. We had so many discussions last year and he stopped watching porn.

The difference is huge! Not just sex - which is now wildly different and occurs based on mood not based on what porn has shown. But also day to day life, he's more affectionate, more interested in me as a person.

So yeah, anti porn household now. But two years ago I wouldn't have thought about it. I wish more young people were educated on the ins and outs of just how much it influences peoples lives, without even realising.

In terms of it being a red flag, I think that's the choice of those in the relationship. Some people what porn and it doesn't affect the way they are with a spouse.

It’s a massive red flag to me. So is being ”kinky”.

The industry is undeniably misogynystic and racist.
It objectifies women.

I don't really care what the porn watcher may or may not ”bring to the bedroom”, the mind of a porn watchers is already incompatible with mine.

I don’t know how anyone can ignore the abuse and degeneration of women and shrug shoulders and say they don’t care that their partner watches it.

I’m not sure what people mean with as long as it not ”weird”.

What is considered weird these days?
Where’s the line?

Good luck finding one who doesn't watch it (they lie)

Boring vanilla porn? Normal
Anything extreme? Red flag

Any inkling of violence or degradation in his viewing habits and it's an instant NO

What is vanilla?
What is extereme?

Genuinely asking, since I’ve only seen porn in the past few years (don’t watch it anymore) and even the stuff on home page was… well, not nice.

Extreme = any violence, degradation or gross kinks (scat, underage etc)

How are you going to find a guy who never watches porn though? If you ask them up front, most likely they'll lie to you about it. Most guys have at times watched something, doesn't have to be anything extreme, but you know, through a spell of being single 6 months +, they aren't going to be sitting around keeping their hands on the desk/over the blanket, waiting til a nice woman comes round.

I do think what you described re your ex is quite extreme and if I'd find out my partner was like that, I couldn't be with them, end of. That's more an obsession than casual watching/ scratching an itch and realising on-screen isn't realistic.

I think what's more effective is having an open conversation with a partner about sex and porn and take away some of the shame around it. I like that my partner was able to tell me what he watches and why, what he watched as a young lad etc, what I watched... It was all quite humorous and relaxed and put us both more at ease.

With my ex I genuinely thought he didn't watch anything/ wasn't interested for a long time, I always knew where he was and what he was doing. He had a respectful attitude to women, was maybe a bit dull at times sexually, just generally displayed less interest in women/sex half the time than most guys I know. Once, in a fight, he threw in my face that he watched porn when I was unavailable, as though that should shock me.

I really think they all do at times, even the 'really good ones'. I'd be a bit suspicious about a man if they weren't even a bit curious once every few years.

Yes. I would not have a relationship with a man who used porn. And absolutely bloody not if he gets off on images of women being abused, humiliated, degraded, tortured or raped. I wouldn't go out with a man who wanked to images of black people being enslaved and whipped, so why would I go out with a man who wanks to the abuse of women?
Us women are not second class human beings. Wanking to our abuse is not in any, any way acceptable.

Same here

no porn doesn’t bother me, good luck finding a man that doesn’t watch it and not just one who claims he doesn’t

I used to watch porn when I was in my 20s. I noticed that I wanted to watch it more and more, and then I did a deep dive into the porn industry and realised that it abuses women and girls, and there's no such thing as 'ethical' porn. It's a disgusting industry that profits from the rape and abuse of females, many of whom are underage and/or incredibly vulnerable.

I was listening to a podcast recently with Louise Perry, who's written an excellent book about why the sexual revolution has, in fact, been a pretty bad thing for women. She pointed out that once pornographic material is out on the internet, it's there forever. The woman in those images and videos may have consented to it at the time (although I don't believe bought consent is consent), but what happens if and when she removes that consent? The product continues to exist, and there's nothing she can do about it. Not to mention the vile, depraved, abusive acts women in the industry are forced to engage in.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who wasn't able to think critically about porn and reject it. It's entirely harmful and the only people who really profit from it are the men at the top.

It's so depressing how these threads are always full of women saying it doesn't bother them, as long as their partner can separate porn from real sex, blah blah blah.

The women and girls in porn are real people, and the harm porn does to them is also real. How is it any different to prostitution? Do you agree that prostitution is also harmful? Wake the fuck up.

@countrypunk The pick mes are always strong in these threads.

I'd rather stay celibate for the rest of my life than date a man who is a porn user. It is just so unspeakably grim.

@ChrisTrepidation Couldn't agree more. And it would be a very easy choice.

If I didn't know that dh watched porn I would never tell from a relationship pov.
I don't know if it's to do with the type of porn we watch (as I watch it too).
He watches female solo
I watch male solo
He is very respectful. Never tries to push any sexual boundaries and treats me like a Queen, always very attentive, affectionate without expecting sex and also does more than his fair share of cooking, cleaning, life admin, childcare and food shopping without any fuss and again, without expectation of sex.
It doesn't affect our sex life or relationship.

No I don’t

Women watch it...

It bothers me. I wouldn't be with a man who watches porn. I didn't need luck to find one, either. I'm 42 and men my age didn't have it as readily available, and seem more likely to be able to think critically about it.

I don't know if it's different for younger men. I hope women can set a high bar for themselves though and not put up with shit they don't enjoy.

Yes I do, I wouldn’t be with anyone that watched porn. That’s my personal condition and my partner was the same anyway. The porn industry is hugely damaging, some of it isn’t consensual videos, involve rape, involve minors, and you can’t be sure if you’re on any of those sites which ones are not any of the above. Pornhub deleted millions that had been there years. The top search on pornhub is : teenage anal rape. I also consider it cheating, to me.