Husband just slapped me

[carbibarbie]

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

If I report to the police I have to give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

Good god, living with a violent man is a lot worse than having police turn up! He has been aggressive to you in the past. Being drunk is not an excuse -- it's just another bad thing he does. Don't put your children through this any longer. Growing up in domestic violence is hellish.

As other PPs have said, squirting the baby pouch is a bit of spur-of-the-moment silliness. Slapping you is assault. Don't let anyone tell you they are equal. He has already gone from 'being rough' to actually hitting you.

When are you going to get rid of this horrible man? When he 'accidentally' knocks you down? When he breaks your arm? When he starts beating the children?

If I report to the police I have to give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

Reframe that to I CAN do that FOR my kids.

The risk is you might not survive him. Squirting baby good at someone is not abusive, social services would never think it was. Good luck

Christ. Please, please stop.

I’m sorry. It’s very tough coming to terms with domestic abuse - it’s such a violation of trust and hope. It’s only natural to want to ignore it. But it’s not going to go away. He’ll get more violent more frequently.

You will have to leave him eventually. The question is how much you and your children lose first. The sooner you leave the less you will lose and your children will have a better chance of not being irreversibly damaged.

Please don’t worry about the pouch. He hit you because he’s an abuser. It has nothing to do with you or the pouch. It’s who he is that’s the problem. You did not deserve it.

If you don’t want the police to come to you, go to them? Leave the kids with family or friends and go to the police station. Or take them with you if needed. Maybe take a look at the women‘s aid website www.womensaid.org.uk

Take a deep breath. This the beginning of the end. There’ll be tough times. But life will keep going on. It always does. You deserve better and so do your kids. In time, you can have hope for a happy life again. And you’ll find warmth and care in the people who come forward to help. You can do this!

Good luck with it all. Sending love x

you sound like an abuser.

So Mumsnet, OP won't do a thing - she came for validation and will have thread deleted.
No, it's not normal to be slapped across the face even if you squirted some carrot puree at your husband. None of it is acceptable, although physical violence tops the puree IMO. You shouldn't be together, just already separate for goodness' sake.

and enjoy the 50% 'you time' - beggars belief he will try to get 50%.

‘physical violence tops the purée IMO’

peak mumsnet

I am putting myself up for crucifixion here, as a bloke.
Puree? That is not assault. In context it would be funny.
Slap in return? Context? Playful or a bit annoyed it might be acceptable.
I am not judging.

thank you 😂

I find your comment hard to decipher, it seems like you are saying you can slap someone in ‘context’ but I’m sure that can’t possibly be what you are saying.

There’s nothing funny here.

I think the slap is worse than the puree thing, but having things squirted at you/poured over you can actually be quite humiliating. But I think he's definitely in the wrong.

you're not judging him for slapping her across the face? you think there are playful slaps across the face and they are okay.

so you agree that you sound like an abuser.

I wasn't trying to be funny about the fact that it's obvious that OP and her OH need to separate.
You clearly didn't get the detail that OP was worried that police would be concerned about OP squirting puree. Hence, I mentioned slapping (physically applied violence of someone raising their hand against your face) seems worse than a puree squirt (a layer of carrot mush landing on your face). BUT OK.

You do sound like an abuser or someone who is being abused and blames themselves wrongly for it. Again if a woman slapped a man in the exact same circumstances it would be abuse and he should call the police too.

Yes I got it, thanks..doesn’t make your comment less asinine or amusing in any way.

WTF

Report him. Tell him you are not tolerating physics abuse. He won't do it again then. If you do nothing he will just repeat it whenever he feels like it.

Seriously, I don’t even know where to start if you don’t understand why it’s asinine 😧

Abuse starts small. You need to leave for yourself and your children. This is a safeguarding issue for you both. Be brave and contact a support agency today such as women's aid. Is there somewhere safe you can go and stay

You are correct in that a playful slap or a slap that I know that I "deserve" because I know that I have wound the other person up, is in some way understandable and excusable. I have, in retrospect, realised that my behaviour has been infuriating and that my partner's response has been understandable, although there is a spectrum of violence here...

A spectrum of violence? Please do explain.