Husband just slapped me

[carbibarbie]

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

Yeah? Prove it. Go find us the thread that backs up your OPINION.

The only thing you should be embarrassed about is not taking any action to protect your children from him. If he can slap or be rough with you as you put it then it will only be a matter of time before the dcs suffer this bully too. Taje photos for evidence and report him so that it's in record for the future at least. The police can then build a case so when you apply for full custody then he won't have a leg to stand on. Don't wait until your dcs no longer have a mother. This is just the start.

Get out, it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.

Can you get someone you trust to watch your kids and go to the police station? Call Womens Aid if you need help

I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Please report him to the police and yes it's hard but the relationship is over.
I was in a similar relationship nearly 30 years ago when I don't think there was as much assistance, but he'd been gaslighting me for years and the slap was the thing that gave me courage to end the 12 year relationship. I wish I'd called the police as this would have given me better standing in the later developments. It won't get better, the apologies mean nothing. It will happen again and maybe worse.

Please please get out. You will be ok x

What if your child squirted baby food at him in anger or as a joke and he hit them?

Would you say he was provoked or they deserved it?

I think I was most shocked by what he said afterwards. There was no apology and no remorse. He doesn't even think what he did was wrong 😳 therefore you have to get you and your child out of the situation.

According to some idiots on this thread that would be abuse from the child.

In the real world, yes, OP please listen to this comment. Get out. Do the right thing for your kids, they are helpless and need you to protect them.

Happyunhappy

Please don’t tell a woman who’s been slapped she should be embarrassed

getting out of abusive situations is far from easy or simple
otherwise we wouldn’t need the freedom programme , womens aid etc

op do call womens aid
they will be supportive and trigger more support

I'd also add I always ''deserved it'', and had ''asked for it''.

He also frequently explained to me that he was entitled to use reasonable physical force. if I wanted a different outcome, I had the choice to do as I was told.

Well obviously nobody wants their children to see police involved in domestic disputes. But in terms of what is the better of two evils, I would say you standing up for yourself and calling police after being hit is far better for them to see than you being hit and having to put up with it.

The social worker who worked with my daughter explained to me that while our DD has no actual memory of what she lived, she has the legacy of anxiety, fear, helplessness, and sense of being on ''high alert'' poised to respond to danger all the time. A child's ''blueprint' is set during the first 2 years of life. The key things kids need from parents (I'm paraphrasing) are 1) safety 2) nourishment 3) warmth and 4) comfort. If met, children learn they can rely on their parents to regulate them & meet their needs. If basic needs are not met, the child learns the world is not a safe place & that no one will help them regulate themselves. Google ''first 1000 days'' and Maslo's hierarchy of needs.

The 'fight/flight' instinct in non-traumatized people kicks in in response to stimulus. In my daughter it's stuck on ''on'' permanently because that is all she experienced in her first 2 years. She can't link this to any experience, because she doesn't remember. It's extremely unsettling and confusing along with being very difficult to unravel. Any form of even mild conflict, even banter in jest, triggers her. Raised voices send her into an almost catatonic state - she completely disassociates.

She also doesn't know where she came from, has past, her early years. Most parents tell their kids anecdotes about when they were a baby etc. Obviously, I've never done that.

He's been rough with you before. He will do it again. There is NO excuse for him lifting his hands to you, NONE. You are NOT responsible for his inability to control himself, whate.
As you're unsure about involving the police - and assuming you're not on immediate danger - perhaps contact Refuge or Women's Aid for advice tomorrow morning. You can always involve the authorities then if you then feel that's the right course of action.

Thank you @Pinkyxx - that's much as I expected. My mum did her absolute best. I suspect that nightfall brought trouble and that's why I don't like noise, chaos and darkness. I've never been overly social (just my personality) and going out at night exacerbates my mood disorder. I'm really pleased that my children's early years were completely stable and loving, although one of them has developed major problems anyway. 😥

I hope the OP is now safe and formulating a plan to end the relationship.

LTB. You are not safe. You have to arrange to leave quickly if he is going to be violent, and take your children with you. Find a women's refuge. The report to the police. Alternatively, change the locks when he is out of your home. You are not safe in his presence.

@Miajk I’m sure the OP will ring the police and I’m sure her husband will be arrested. However, this is what happened to this family and I am entitled to write that. The situation is very different and I was very shocked it was classed as assault. If the OP is reading any of these threads then she will see that she is very much encouraged to call the police.

What a thoughtful, helpful post. I hope you are OK now he's an ex.

STOP with telling us all what we’d damn well say, it’s about context and pattern of behaviour, if a woman was refusing to look after her children and swore at her husband for asking for her help and he squirted purée on her I wouldn’t call that assault or say LTB.

What a moronic comment

Also tit for tat would be him squirting something back at her not slapping her round the face, I can’t believe people like you actually exist, it’s terrifying.

Yeah, right.

I am horrified by some of the responses here.

OP, if you do come back, I hope you're okay. This is not your fault, it's not anything you've done. There are people who can help you.

Tit for tat always ends up someone going below the mark though same as an argument. The point is don't do it in the first place.

OP needs to decide what she wants because if someone isn't willing to participate in family life you can't force them.

In this situation your derailing could literally be fatal to the OP, stop. Also you can’t change the very definition of tit for tat just to fit in with your gaslighting narrative.

🤢 Ffs