Husband cheating with woman 37 years younger than me

[HeartBrokenWife]

I feel broken. I had no idea he’d fallen out of love with me. I’m 61 and he’s a little bit younger, but the woman he’s having an affair with is just so much younger than me that it has made me feel almost suicidal. I’m not going to do anything to myself, but I can’t eat or sleep and he’s just smirking at me. I feel utterly humiliated.

My daughter is taking me to a solicitor tomorrow and I’m going to start divorce proceedings, but I feel hollowed out inside and I’m asking myself over and over what I did wrong. I couldn’t help growing older. I’m so sad 😭

Feel sad and feel angry but if you catch yourself feeling embarrassed try and give yourself a little talking to. You've not done anything to be embarrassed about. It's obviously impossible not to analyse what happened and why it happened but, ultimately, its pointless. You won't ever know and you'll just tie yourself in knots trying to work it out.

It a quite revolting age difference. I know there are pop stars and film stars that date people who are much younger but it's gross. You have to wonder if there is something wrong with the women.

Good luck.

Change your Will asap.

As a pp said, something in the water. My recently widowed father is now dating someone 30 odd years younger and he was planning on starting prior to losing his wife. They are pathetic.

You have done nothing wrong. He is an utter waste of space. He thinks he is something special, how wrong he is he will find out soon enough. Do not let him manipulate you; good that you are getting legal advice, take what is rightfully yours and jettison him as soon as you can, going through the appropriate legal procedures. His 'little acolyte' will soon tire of him (if she hasn't already). You will be well rid of him and once you have grieved the loss of your marriage you will be able to take on new opportunities without him holding you back. In years to come you will be able to look back on this time as a kind of watershed, the beginning of the new you. @HeartBrokenWife he has humiliated himself, not you. Walk away with your head held high. Remember the words of @Americano75 - truly weapons-grade. Thank goodness you have the support of your daughter to help you through this difficult time.

Move quickly, act on advice and get your ducks in a row....Take what you can before "the acolyte " does. You are protecting your daughters inheritance.

The script of a cheating OH....
To summarise many many MN threads, the steps are ...

Faced with suspicions "of course I'm not having an affair. I love you."
Faced with evidence. "I'm not having an affair. Shut up."
Faced with incontrovertible proof. "I'm not having an affair. You're mad."
Faced with being kicked out. "Yes there is another OW but we haven't done anything. It's all emotional. I'm so confused"
Faced with not being allowed back home. "Actually, she's the love of my life and I never loved you."
Faced with divorce. "I'm madly in love with her. You are an evil bitch."

6 months to 2 years later. "I made a terrible mistake. I love you.Can I come back?"

I've seen all of this before.

I'm inclined to think she is setting him up for a disciplinary for sexual harassment. She will play the 'innocent' who was harassed/pressurised into sex with her boss because he threatened her with [insert fantasy claim].

She'll know companies really do not like behaviour by senior people. She'll also know she'll be handled with kid gloves from there on in because she was a 'victim' under their duty of care.

I predict a rapid rise through the ranks for the skank.

I'll echo what others have said, get the finances sorted out pronto.

Accept the waves of anger and channel them towards making your own life soooooo much better without, as previous pp said, having to watch his flabby, old-man arse waddling to the bathroom fifteen times a night.

It doesn't feel like it now, but you most definitely have got this!

You might be right, @Trez1510 . She'll hold all the cards if he does anything she doesn't like, e.g., deny her a promotion. He really is a moron.

His mistress is going to feel embarrassed… I can’t tell you how she is going to be viewed, judged, and likely iced out of her friendships… nobody wants to keep someone like her in their circle. Low morals, and with an old man to boot!!!!

He isn’t going to be able to mesh with her circle!!!! How hilarious!!!

He is fine as the dirty exciting (barf) secret but it’ll be a hard road now.

Men are overwhelmingly dumb. They haven’t kept up with women on the staying wise front. Your husband has just signed up for a hard education at Clown University and made mascot the very same day 🤡

He thinks he’s big man! Boy he showed you! He will think! His growing resentment toward not being that strapping young man all focused on the person who loves him the most… He sure has it!!!

Except all that he has is a young single mother who works for him. He had zero chance in the real world but in that very small pond he was a big fish.

Soon his stupid jokes won’t even get a polite giggle from her, it’ll be the rolling of eyes. I’m telling you!!!

Anyway, she is going to get the worst of this from her own circle because it’s gross and wrong. He has no idea her adoring glances will turn to disgust… very quickly.

You are the one coming out the good person. You are not a joke. You don’t need him, and neither does this other woman because he isn’t shit. He will have a reckoning and be left with a dusty life of regret. I’m telling you. I’m pleading with you to believe me. He is no prize and he now has lost a treasure most of us look for our whole lives- A partner who loves us and can go the extra miles through life.

This man will soon think about that every morning when he paints on his clown make up and slips I to his oversized shoes. He is a clown.

Oh and depending on the workplace environment age will be VERY disliked by her colleagues. If she is in a professional environment then they both just yanked their reputations…. Tanked them hard.

His Acolyte? What a patronizing shit he is!!! He obviously doesn’t realise how grotesque he is to everyone else. I am so pleased you’re furious now. This chick has absolutely got him tuned and he’s dumb enough to be taken for a ride. I can see him pretending to find hanging out with a small kid fulfilling and en vigor aging, but will soon revert to grumpy old bastard real quick. I can imagine she will want a ring on her finger and their relationship will last less than a year if they get married. She will swap him for some other sap. Your fury will energize you and keep you less vulnerable to falling for his bullshit again. I am so sorry that you and your absolutely fantastic DD are going through this, but pleased you have each other.

Sorry you're going through this. Your daughter sounds lovely, well done you for raising her
Stay with the fury, when you feel sad and thinking of past - stop, it's now you need to think of. You are so way above him. You've kept your dignity and he's lost his for all to see. He can't see it now. He will later.
Please buy your well deserved cottage. You can do fun things while he 'plays dad' to a toddler You are far from old to have another deserving relationship and I hope you do in time. You deserve much happiness after this heartache. Go you! You've got this and the mumsnet force is right behind you x

So he's not only cheating on your but he's smirking about it!?

That has made my blood boil on your behalf!

What a pervy twat. She's just after his (and your) £££ so make sure you get your savings moved into an account that he can't touch. What a twat. Her friends must be laughing at the thought of her having to touch him. It really won't last but please do not EVER take this horrible man back.

Your daughter sounds lovely, by the way.

AGREE

Swiftly and without mercy secure your bag. Be that “Bitch Ex Wife who took all the money” (aka a fair settlement) that keeps his teeth gnashing as he sleeps.

If you move swift and savagely, showing no mercy… if you go cold and get what is your rightful due… you’ll be living in that mans head rent free until he takes his final breath alone over his TV dinner!

He won’t be able to even have sex without you in his mind! He won’t look at a woman the same way again!!!!

yes I said it!

Swift.
Ruthless.
Savage.
Cold.
Calculated.
unforgiving
Unyielding

He will never have that smirk EVER cross his lips if you put up a cold front (no begging, tears, anything) and snatch up what is yours.

If you feel weak pretend you are not. Act like it’s a role in a play and become the strong character.

He thinks he has you all figure out. But what he doesn’t know is he fucked around and is about to find out.

Dreadful.

But this young woman may not be as stupid as you think.

Depends how wealthy you are, young women can find marrying an older man quite lucrative, if she marries him and he passes away she could be in for half of what you have strived and sacrificed for all your life.

And if your children fall out with him, that makes it easier for her to manipulate him to leave her all he has.

What a fool he is and she sounds ruthless.
I think he's lost his marbles.

This scenario happened at my workplace. Middle aged manager and very young girlfriend. He now has one new baby and one on the way and looks absolutely wrecked. He also had to sell his prized sports car because it wasn’t suitable for his new family. I’m sure his life with a woman less than half his age isn’t what he hoped for. She now is a SAHM. He looks as though he has been up all night every night with the baby, had to give up his weekend golf sessions and, despite always having planned to retire early, can’t because he has a new family to maintain.

His ex-wife is glowing and now has a lovely apartment where she lives in peace and has made new friends. His adult children from their marriage won’t speak to him. Colleagues think he’s a knob.

Regrets? He’s full of them and he says quite openly that he wishes he hadn’t given up his previous peaceful life.

The other day someone posted on here about how a 67 year old man had asked her for coffee and she was appalled because she was in her early 20s. So many replies where along her what her problem was and he’d done nothing wrong and why was she shocked/concerned etc, and yet here we have everyone saying it’s shocking and out of order…. Which I agree with, it is awful.

Definition of acolyte ... 2 : one who attends or assists a leader : follower The mayor dined with a few of his acolytes.

A 37 year age gap is disgusting.

She’s pretending to worship him and he’s lapping it up, strutting around like the cock of the walk. That smirk will eventually turn into a grimace when he realizes she’s been playing him like a fiddle…and everyone knew. By that time, @HeartBrokenWife, you will have recovered and gone from strength to strength.

This is accurate.

I'm so sorry OP.

But I still can't get past the smirking... Wtf. The sad truth is though is that he thinks he's still good looking or even a catch, enough to lure a 23 year old. But, meanwhile she's is after either his money (which he most likely implies to her he has plenty of), security, and / or a promotion at work.

Does she has a place of her own where he can move to when you chuck his ass out. Have you done this? Then it won't be all sunshine and roses when he is faced with toddler tantrums etc.

Good luck today, what an amazing dd you have raised. How is she? (and any other DC you have), as this must be a huge shock for them as well.

His downfall is going to be beautiful to watch OP. Stay angry, I’m angry with you

How is this helpful.

She knows his feelings have changed and he's shown them in the most publicly disloyal way.

Her humiliation comes from others seeing what a tosser she chose to marry and support for 40 years.

He has shamed her but she should take no fault, for it is he who is a fool.

I wish these twats could be named and shamed, your children must be reeling and I should imagine they are older than her, take comfort in the care of your daughter, you both will have to lean on one another.

Absolutely.

Ahhh the desperate acts of men trying to stay young.

As supportive as your DD may be, please don’t lean on her but seek support elsewhere.

You will get through this but he was always this guy, he just did a very good job of hiding it. Mourn the man you thought he was and vanquish the silly old fool he actually is.