Husband cheating with woman 37 years younger than me

[HeartBrokenWife]

I feel broken. I had no idea he’d fallen out of love with me. I’m 61 and he’s a little bit younger, but the woman he’s having an affair with is just so much younger than me that it has made me feel almost suicidal. I’m not going to do anything to myself, but I can’t eat or sleep and he’s just smirking at me. I feel utterly humiliated.

My daughter is taking me to a solicitor tomorrow and I’m going to start divorce proceedings, but I feel hollowed out inside and I’m asking myself over and over what I did wrong. I couldn’t help growing older. I’m so sad 😭

Such is his ego and conceit that he believes the girl sees something more in him than money. There's no fool like an old fool. Don't feel guilty about taking support from your dear daughter, I'm sure she is willingly there for you.
When word gets around about what he's doing, people will be laughing at him. You can hold your head high.

Dirty old man. I am sure she is with him for the money/opportunities.

Thank you. I’d not even thought about my will. I need to make sure that our daughter gets my half when I die, if that’s possible. I’ve found his pension details so I’m taking them with me tomorrow. I know it’s pathetic but I really want to take as much away from him as I can. Argh! I’m so angry again now. It comes at me like waves.

Channel that anger and use to to get even with him, before emotions and his weasel excuses come to win you back. He can take a long walk off a short pier.

what an absolute wanker.

He calls her his ‘little acolyte’, whatever that means. Is it a posh word for gold digger? 🤣 I feel contempt for her too, but my marriage vows were taken with him, not her.

My daughter has really stepped up to help me and I’m so grateful to her. She’s disgusted at what he’s done. The ‘acolyte’ is 23 and his own daughter is 29. It really is gross. I think he’s had affairs at least twice in the past, but I could never prove it and they always ended when he moved jobs, but this one is real and I despise him for it.

I must try to sleep now but thank you all for being so kind. It’s helping xxx

Is she after his (your) money? I'd sort finances ASAP, and get as much as possible into an account in my own name - one where your gross ex and his twinky can't get to it!

What a horrid cliché - you can do so much better x

My father did this and it still turns my stomach. My mother took him back ( I wanted her to divorce him but she wouldn't).
Just yuck! Younger than his own daughter... how revolting.

Silly old fool that he is.

My thoughts exactly.

Stupid, deluded old fool, thinking she's "attracted" to him. So not the truth, bet she's playing him for a career move. So his bint is younger than your daughter? Gross.

Don't let him see your hurt. Rise above, grey rock him, and take everything you can in the divorce to start a new life. You will go through tumults of emotion but you'll come out stronger and better.

What an embarrassing dirty old man. Eww.

Thank god you're getting shot of him.

Honestly, her friends will be laughing at her taking up with a man thirty years older than her. She's hardly a catch is she? She probably likes the money but he's only going to have half that left soon. I'm in my late fifties and I just can't think of anything worse than going out with a 24 year old and putting up with somebody else's young child. I feel exhausted just thinking about it and I suspect he soon will too.

I can't understand why he is smirking at you - I mean surely he's not fool enough to believe this young woman is in love with him rather than his assets. Just make sure to get every cent out of him you can - make him squeak with the pain of it all. This is a man who is presumably prepared to give up half his assets to have sex with an avaricious woman young enough to be his granddaughter.

You didn't do anything wrong. You weren't to know your husband had found a twenty something woman desperate enough to take up with him. It's good that you daughter is being such a support - she obviously takes after you.

OK, no matter what happens I need you to remember this:

None of this is your fault. Your husband is a massive, weapons grade cunt.

This.

He's her boss. She's a single mother with a young child. She's doing that old cliche of sleeping her way to the top (or at least a rung up the ladder), and he's fallen for it. The poor sod thinks she loves him and wants to be with him.

Divorce him now before he finds out the truth.

My word, what an utter knobhead. An acolyte? He's the high priest of wank and she's following him, amirite? Utter adoration is what his fragile ego needs - I hate to break it to him, but he is being played. Get out, get everything, get even.

This is truly Mumsnet at it's finest .

Supporting and validating the OP in a totally appropriate way ,

Sleep well, OP, and wishing you all the best for the solicitor meeting tomorrow .

imagine how much of a fool he will feel when they are out together and someone asks him about his “ daughter”, or when he does the school pick up and the teacher tells the child that “grandad” is here. The people at work will already be laughing at him for being such a sad wrinkly cliche, he will have lost any respect they might have had for him. On the other hand OP you have a bright new life opening out for you, it might not feel like it at the moment but whatever your future brings it will be better than living with such a sad loser.

💐 for you OP.

Act quickly before reality hits him and he realises that his life is not going to be the fantasy he has in his head.

It won’t end well for him but it will for you. I promise you that. Look after yourself.

She will get tired of him. I,m sure her head is turned by his perceived power and money (in relation to what she probably earns) But its not so exciting when she sees his flabby arse walking towards the bathroom day after day and his dirty undies on the floor. reality will catch up with her.
In the meantime, take him for every penny you can and half his pension. change your will so he gets fuck all and hopefully, in the future, you will have a lovely peaceful life and that sad sack will be stuck in a flat on his own, with a damn sight less pension than he expected.

Wow is all I can say.

He's gross and quite frankly, she must have some issues - what on earth could be the appeal of a non-rich man in his early 60's? It smacks of desperation, tbh.

Focus on getting the best financial outcome you can and leave them to the mess they'll end up in. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.

Act fast, OP. Get rid of him before the sidepiece realises he’s not wealthy and closes her legs.

I feel sorry for the little kid, who’s going to be dealing with a string of stepfathers over the next fifteen years.

Your daughter sounds awesome!

He sounds disgusting. Older men like this always make my flesh creep.
Only a man could really think a woman 37 years his junior was actually attracted to him.

Whilst he vainly and foolishly imagines himself as a reinvented sex symbol make sure you’re many steps ahead of him financially. He’s about to lose everything - money, respect from his wife and children, his marriage, his home, his status at work.
Ignore any self doubt. Don’t give him head space. Busily make sure you don’t lose out here. Hold you head high. You have every reason to.

I’m so sorry this has happened. As for calling her his acolyte that’s just plain weird considering it basically means like a follower - definition here:

a person assisting a priest in a religious service or procession.
an assistant or follower.
"she runs the department through a small group of acolytes"

Whatever he means by it - and my money is on seeing her as a kind of follower/mentee who he sees as someone he has power over or can be looked up to in some way - it’s really pathetic. Maybe, maybe for a bit she might look up to him. That will hardly last and his silly ego will come crashing down as he inevitably faces his own weakness.

You will go through tumults of emotion but you'll come out stronger and better.

This in spades. I did. I was you 6 years ago, devastated and humiliated. My life is 100% better now than it was then. I have a new man and we're happy. I have my own little place, and I love it. It's my sanctuary.

When the truth came out he swaggered around like a peacock with a shiny new toy. They're still together with a child of their own but things are not rosy by any stretch from what I hear. He cheated on her, she took him back, and neither of them are coping with their child. Literally everyone turned against them - his family and friends thought he was a fool, her friends were initially worried about her being with a much older man but have all fallen by the wayside. She has aged 20 years, had her hair cut and dresses like a 40 year old. He was also her boss. They both lost their jobs when the truth came out.

Be prepared though - you say he is smirking at you. He will not be kind to you in the divorce. Go grey rock and stand firm. Good luck to you @HeartBrokenWife, in time you will look back and be proud of what you have achieved and pity the man he is.

I wish I could give you a hug (and I hate both people and hugging)

I promise you as a total stranger on the internet if I knew either of you in RL I would be laughing my arse off at him, what a fool he has made himself look and have nothing but sympathy and positive thoughts to you.

All embarrassment to the man having a clearly pathetic mid life crisis. None to the woman he had a nice life with,made vows to, and yet totally screwed over. Remember that when you feel sad, absolutely nobody judges you in this.