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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband cheating with woman 37 years younger than me

385 replies

HeartBrokenWife · 18/10/2022 21:58

I feel broken. I had no idea he’d fallen out of love with me. I’m 61 and he’s a little bit younger, but the woman he’s having an affair with is just so much younger than me that it has made me feel almost suicidal. I’m not going to do anything to myself, but I can’t eat or sleep and he’s just smirking at me. I feel utterly humiliated.

My daughter is taking me to a solicitor tomorrow and I’m going to start divorce proceedings, but I feel hollowed out inside and I’m asking myself over and over what I did wrong. I couldn’t help growing older. I’m so sad 😭

OP posts:
hattie43 · 19/10/2022 06:28

Msgrieves · 18/10/2022 22:00

I'm so sorry, the daft twat won't be able to keep up with her, very much doubt the longevity. Divorce the twat and know that it isn't going to end well for him.

Absolutely this.
One day he'll wake up and think what have I done . OW is prob just using him aswell.
Capital letter mid life crisis imo

motherofcatsandbears · 19/10/2022 06:41

She will ditch him once he’s lost half of his assets and won’t be able to splash the cash. He will come begging for you to take him back and you must say NO to him. Keep your head up, sweetheart xx

NeedleWielder · 19/10/2022 06:48

reesewithoutaspoon · 18/10/2022 23:31

She will get tired of him. I,m sure her head is turned by his perceived power and money (in relation to what she probably earns) But its not so exciting when she sees his flabby arse walking towards the bathroom day after day and his dirty undies on the floor. reality will catch up with her.
In the meantime, take him for every penny you can and half his pension. change your will so he gets fuck all and hopefully, in the future, you will have a lovely peaceful life and that sad sack will be stuck in a flat on his own, with a damn sight less pension than he expected.

This, a million times over.

I know this feels like the end, but trust me, it is the beginning to a much better life without that arsehole and we will be behind you in every step of the way.

balalake · 19/10/2022 06:48

You are not to blame, you have made the right decision.

wishing3 · 19/10/2022 06:53

I’m sorry OP. He’s humiliated himself. Imagine what you’d think if it’s a friends husband-definitely nothing negative about them. It’s absolutely shit but I hope in time you feel better and happier without him. Xxx

chali7 · 19/10/2022 07:00

I'm so sorry that he could do this to you 😔 stay strong, gey the advice you need and live a happy life on the other side 💖

fedup078 · 19/10/2022 07:03

It won't last
And the older he gets the harder it will be for him to pull young girls
He will die a sad lonely old man

SausageEggBeans · 19/10/2022 07:10

You need to ring fence and secure all your finances NOW before he starts moving, hiding and spending. Get in there before he does. Tell your solicitor you are very concerned that he is going to blow all the money you have massed together.

I know that this is difficult and your head will be all over the place, but you must deal with this now before he starts blowing money on her, because that is what she is after, financial security and a daddy to help her out.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/10/2022 07:11

HeartBrokenWife · 18/10/2022 23:18

He calls her his ‘little acolyte’, whatever that means. Is it a posh word for gold digger? 🤣 I feel contempt for her too, but my marriage vows were taken with him, not her.

My daughter has really stepped up to help me and I’m so grateful to her. She’s disgusted at what he’s done. The ‘acolyte’ is 23 and his own daughter is 29. It really is gross. I think he’s had affairs at least twice in the past, but I could never prove it and they always ended when he moved jobs, but this one is real and I despise him for it.

I must try to sleep now but thank you all for being so kind. It’s helping xxx

An acolyte is a religious assistant to a priest. He keeps using this word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

Buy some popcorn, OP. A 23 year old with a young child and a man of circa 60 who calls her his "acolyte"? This is going to go down like the fires of hell indeed and it's going to be glorious to watch. Get the canned laughter track ready too.

SausageEggBeans · 19/10/2022 07:11

But just to add, he is the one mainly fault here, not just her. He has already acted irrationally and you need to make sure he doesn't get to spend a penny of your future.

TacCat49 · 19/10/2022 07:15

Well this sad arse will have quite a downfall. His work situation is going to be interesting. If any of the staff feel that information is being passed one to the other a complaint to HR will soon happen. Also, if these two should split what will the office atmosphere be like. I think HR are going to be very busy with complaints about these two.

Longerthanfiveweeks · 19/10/2022 07:25

Don’t these men realise that being with such young women just makes them look really, really old? Nothing ages a man more than being with a younger woman.

0nTheEdge · 19/10/2022 07:32

You're grieving the loss of the life you were living. It'll be a whole process and it will hurt, but you'll come through the other side stronger. You'll never have to wash the socks of a man who you suspect has cheated on you more than once again. You have solid proof rather than suspicions, so no second guessing yourself. Remember his smirk if he tries to crawl back.

Bluebellandpansies · 19/10/2022 07:32

So sorry for you OP. Stay strong.

Jessiesthedog · 19/10/2022 07:39

Theres no fool like an old fool … dont take him back when it falls apart.

Livpool · 19/10/2022 07:42

Americano75 · 18/10/2022 23:23

OK, no matter what happens I need you to remember this:

None of this is your fault. Your husband is a massive, weapons grade cunt.

Yes OP - say this is a mantra.

I am embarrassed for them both - gold digger and dirty old man 🤮

QuebecBagnet · 19/10/2022 07:42

How old is her child? Is there a chance he's the father?

I'm sorry this is happening but you will go on to build a good life without him. My parents split in their 60s and from looking at my mum I think the key is firstly to take him for everything you can, you should get at least half of savings, pension, house equity, etc.

Then keep yourself busy. So going to groups, activities, volunteering, etc. Because the evenings can seem a bit lonely at first. Though maybe you're the sort of person who is happy with that (I think I would be too). Glad your dd is being so supportive.

Redqueenheart · 19/10/2022 07:45

What a pathetic man.

Not to mention that a woman who chose to go for a married man old enough to be her father really isn't worth anything.

So sorry you are going through this but you are making the right decision by divorcing him.

You did nothing wrong. Your husband is the one who decided to have a sad little midlife crisis and who is silly enough to believe that a woman that young will actually stick around for more than 5 minutes...

Lu901 · 19/10/2022 07:46

23... What a fool indeed. Get everything sorted quickly as this will crash and burn as quickly as it started.

As others have said the best revenge is a life well lived.

I'd get everything in order, get that cottage you've always wanted! Then go on holiday with your daughter.

BarrelOfOtters · 19/10/2022 07:57

He’s a prat. That’s not to diminish how you are feeling. He’ll be back. Don’t let him back, enjoy that moment when it happens.

SkiingIsHeaven · 19/10/2022 07:57

Has he grown one of those sad old man pony tails that these deluded men grow.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

So glad you have your daughter for support.

Never let him back into your life.

user1471538283 · 19/10/2022 08:04

You have an amazing life ahead of you! Get the divorce as quickly as you can and get settled knowing that your soon to be exs life is going to crash and burn hard!

I give it a year maybe less until shes had enough or he is completely stuck and miserable.

EveningOverRooftops · 19/10/2022 08:12

HeartBrokenWife · 18/10/2022 23:18

He calls her his ‘little acolyte’, whatever that means. Is it a posh word for gold digger? 🤣 I feel contempt for her too, but my marriage vows were taken with him, not her.

My daughter has really stepped up to help me and I’m so grateful to her. She’s disgusted at what he’s done. The ‘acolyte’ is 23 and his own daughter is 29. It really is gross. I think he’s had affairs at least twice in the past, but I could never prove it and they always ended when he moved jobs, but this one is real and I despise him for it.

I must try to sleep now but thank you all for being so kind. It’s helping xxx

This is a whole ‘me too’ clusterfuck waiting to happen. A boss abusing his position and dating an employee. Eesh

im so happy your daughter is getting you to a solicitors asap before this whole thing gets even messier.

you shouldn’t have to pay the price for his twatfuckery.

Aikko · 19/10/2022 08:13

Another man thinking only with his other head and getting his d* wet with a younger model,... just sad.
I guess the OW managed to find her sugar daddy as well who was easy enough to seduce and fall for it.

Onwards and upwards, you got this.

Skodacool · 19/10/2022 08:13

OP, make sure you get the finances in order. Don’t let him take your money, she could be a gold digger.

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