Blindsided by message

[Palmtreesprings]

I had two amazing dates with a guy who is now working abroad in various countries for a few months. He left about three weeks ago and calls or texts me everyday. On the weekends more as he’ll often call me when he’s had a few to drink.

He plays his cards quite close to his as do I but earlier this week we talked about me flying over to meet, he detailed the dates and countries he’s going to be in and said if I let him know when I’m coming he’ll take time off work. He also said how well matched we are and that he feels he can be himself when he talks to me, that I’m ‘solid’, he knows he can trust me and he has no red flags about me. I said the same about him. It was great as I felt both of us were allowing our guard down a little.

Friday afternoon he calls me for a chat, nothing out the ordinary, he just called for chit chat. Then yesterday morning I wake up to this message:

I’m going to sign off for a while.
I really need time to think about my future, if there is one.
I feel too connected to back home.
Work wise I’m not in a good place at all.
I need time out.
I promise it’s not to do with you, I really just need time to be present here and where I am, hope you understand

He’s going to call me this morning to explain. I’m bloody heartbroken which is ridiculous, but he has been such a big part in my life over the time I’ve known him, we talk for hours sometimes. He is always the one to call me (something he did mention when he was a bit drunk), so it’s not as if I have shown myself to be needy or a drain on him.

I feel so disposed of and confused based on our previous conversations and have no clue what to say to him.

To be honest, I felt really confused and dare I say it a little bit hurt by these curt replies so sent one back saying "I sense from your short answers that perhaps this has run it's course, I really enjoyed meeting you though" to which he replied "I feel it has, take care". I was completely stunned by his response given his level of contact during the week - it just didn't make any sense to me.

or was this another relationship? Although you only started that thread last month!

What a load of old guff. He's found someone else/is no longer interested.

Has he called yet?

It all sounds very dramatic.

I reckon he's married.

Did you have sex with him OP?

Oh I remember that thread. Is this the same guy?

Not sure

but then another one a couple of weeks ago in addition also about curt messages

Love bombing
All the you are different, I can be myself blah blah.
Way too much too soon.
You are now hooked so he is doing a test.
Stepping back suddenly to see if you pursue him.
Hot/ cold push/ pull.

He will then bread crumb or hoover to get you back into his game.
The fact you are already devastated and at the 2 date mark CONFUSED is a classic sign.
Hes doing the idealise, devalue, discard.
Pound to a penny he will be back with idealisation " cant live with out you"

Throw him back

He’s mugging you off. Ignore from
now on, don’t even reply.

TWO dates is not "a big part of your life". Move on, be glad you found out at home and weren't dumped in some foreign country.

I really need time to think about my future, if there is one.

Who sends stuff like this to somebody they have met TWICE?

I agree with the posters who say that he is mugging you off. If you participate in the phone call, and he actually makes it, you’ll have to listen to him moaning about himself and how complex and dark he is and how he is special and unique and not like other men and how he wishes things could be different zzzzzzzz.

Then he will go out for lunch with his new girlfriend. Sorry OP. Move on.

I wouldn't answer his call. What else is there to say? He's been quite clear, make a clean break of it and move on.

No longer interested. Loved the drama and the chase.

The moment you were ok about flying yourself out to see a random bloke you had two dates with- he knew you were snared. Chase over. Onto the next.

Why not find a local guy

All this talk of being in other countries and flying to see him sounds like an awful lot of effort

After two dates you shouldn't have to be making posts on here asking for advice. Things should be simple but with this setup they never will be

Ah that’s horrible for you. Try to keep your spirits up. Better to hurt for a while now than to have more grief from him down the line. He sounds like someone I once knew and I’m embarrassed to say I behaved like an idiot with him and made a fool out of myself. Good luck x

You have only had 2 dates. Chill out.

It wasn’t real

Blimey, talk about intense.

How can you be heartbroken over a man you've been on two dates with?

Lucky escape love - put it down to experience and move on.

Oh and he almost certainly has someone else lined up.

I'd be considering it over and not answering his call TBH. I wouldn't be interested in his explanation.

I don't like the calling you when drunk. You're two dates in, it's not really a relationship at this stage. He should be busy, out enjoying time drinking with his mates/colleagues, not so needy he has to hear your voice even when he's with others and had no arrangements to call you. Or is he sitting home alone with you on speakerphone, drink in one hand and the other busy with something else?! Don't mistake his loneliness or boredom for love.

Sounds as though he's met someone out there and wants to keep you waiting on the sidelines for when/if that relationship fails. I wouldn't put up with that.

You've had two dates and now he's gone off overseas, why are you even committing to him? Go date others. If he comes back when you're single and so is he and he's around long enough to form a relationship before jetting off again, then you can give it another chance if you want to. Other than that surely he's just a casual thing who you'll see occasionally when you're both available, if he's away that often. You have to be physically present to have a relationship or its just fantasy.

Far too intense. Agreed OP is flying a red flag too.

That’s a rather unhelpful response!

He misses his Ex and had second thoughts

I agree with the pp who said focus on the dates not the texts and phone calls.

I'm sorry he's fobbed you off so unceremoniously. It is very hurtful when that happens. It may be that he has lied about his life and maybe he's attached, or his job isn't as glamourous as he made out. It's horribly common as a OLD tactic! Or it may be that he's met someone else