Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

Most women are REALLY uncomfortable talking about sex. MN is very progressive, and also anonymous. We have not, even at my age, been brought up to discuss it, there are very few words that feel comfortable and most women are brought up, consciously or not, to put mens needs before their own. (It’s also not unusual for men to pout and sulk horribly if their performance is critiqued in any way!) Ask her what she’d like more of, or less of and how she likes it best. I’d bet she’ll be delighted you’re interested.

Mr2Pugs has just told me he has put fresh sheets on, poured himself a whiskey and is ready for bed. I can’t describe how attractive that sounds in every possible way. I’ve had a LOOONG day and it just sounds heavenly!

If someone you've started chatting too has several pics and all reasonably attractive but none of them show teeth would be awful to ask for a pic with teeth smiling? It would wouldn't it but then equally awful turning up to a first date and seeing instantly they've got terrible teeth and wanting to go home.
His music taste is a bit not-me too. Maybe I should let it slide on the basis of the music and hidden teeth.

Given half a chance…he’s so reserved, and I’m so dim, we could spend months missing each other’s moments!

I am enjoying it. All of it. Especially now I’ve calmed down a bit. It’s all been such a nice surprise. I’m really glad he’s a bit reserved, he’s much too nice to waste on a fling, and it’s all so much more than I expected from OLD. Of course, I am now massively over-invested and heading for heartache, but it’s too late to anything about that now, so I might as well enjoy the ride.

I dated a guy with bad teeth and, god forgive me, it was a massive turn off. Like massive.

@Eeksteek I agree on the sex thing. The guy I dated I kept asking what he preferred in bed. He just got embarrassed and said - anything. I was trying to make it better for both of us

We were just having a kinds sexy chat about next weekend and what were going to do ( not just bedroom activities, general plans etc) , and just inquired about how she thought the bedroom activities were going, the response was “okay”

@NoDatingForOldMen ah I see.

Personally I would then like, when you're together, to be asked how can we make it better than okay? Like in a caring way. Communication is the absolute key here.

@NoDatingForOldMen do you consider yourself to be in a relationship with Ms Show? Has it been given a title? Do you know what you both want or are offering? Okay can be both a positive and a negative statement. I doubt she’d be making plans with you if the sex was only okay.

@Stepcount I would say yes to relationship, neither of us are seeing others or looking for others, we chat, we plan for the weekends& both have our own life’s.
her travel anxiety makes some things more tricky as I have to be very clear about any travel plans ( I normally just guess my way), so this helps her relax a bit

She makes me “think” more clearly as she a quite quick witted and sees through any Lazy BS.

Mr2Pugs has just told me he has put fresh sheets on, poured himself a whiskey and is ready for bed.
I think he has the right idea

So I took your advice and gently asked about what we could do different to make it better for her, the response was quite interesting, apparently the quality is good, but the okay was for the quantity,
we don’t see each other as often as I would like, due to various reasons- and sounds like she is feeling the same as well

Howlongy…this is the problem with many of us at this stage…there are kids, jobs and responsibilities. I don’t know what the answer is really. I can only think of taking a medium or long term view about perhaps living together and enjoy whatever time is available right now. I totally understand MrsShow frustration

@NoDatingForOldMen oh I'm glad it worked out and that it wasn't the quality.

It's tough isn't it. Being apart.

Well I'm the biggest idiot. I suspended my Match account last Thursday but gave in and went in again last night.

Same old faces coming round and round.
But the thing that smarts is not getting liked in return when you'd liked someone that you were meh about.

I think I need a longer break from it.

Meanwhile Mr J who was so chatty on Saturday night 🙄 still hasn't read Sunday's message.

I hate doing this.

I don't know if it's because I'm fishing from a very small pond or what 🤷‍♀️

I keep telling myself- what's for you won't go by you, so I think it's me and the cat 🐈‍⬛ going forward 😬😂😂😂

@Definitelycross thanks,
I understand the Match thing, I’m in a rural area so my pool of potentials was always small, but when you factor in age, distance etc, the pool quickly became a puddle, and with there generally being more men than women on OLD, it soon becomes a pretty small puddle..

Absolutely the same.

Where have speed dating events gone? 😂

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss oh step away my dear, from those dreaded apps. I stepped away and I ahve to sya , quality of life greatly improved! No more angst, no more shitty or otherwise dates , with, as you say a total stranger.

Who may chose to text or not. Its horrid! Done apps for a year now and really am not ever going back on them. The last 2 seemingly decent blokes were too far away.

Instead @Mila14 oh likey soundey of Mr F, at least he picks up le phone!

I can't @ChaliceinWonderland! I'm an addict!

I did enjoy two peaceful years off the apps though so I do know the tranquility the absence brings.

No pain no gain they say.

I’m with Oncey on this…no pain no gain. I’m not ready to quit the search…

No pain no gain they say

true dat !
I think the trick is managing and minimising the pain side
and a degree of pragmatism about ‘gain’ !

good luck with therapy next week too oncey

Definitelycross

if you dare …. Tinder definitely has the most population wise …
but for when feeling more robust

NoDatingForOldMen

im pleased the ‘okay’ was sorted
I really didn’t think she’d be seeing you and and sexting you for average sex !
anyway I’m sure you can tell she’s having a nice time !

Definitely not strong enough for Tinder 😳

Update Mr J texted me back - 2 texts so really pleased.

But we will see 🤞

Oh no we are almost out of thread!

Shall I get the next one started?

I'm treating the lacklustre matches and chats as close to 'off the apps' as I can be. I might as well be. They are all quite dull and I'm getting quite ruthless with unmatching as soon as the convo turns from boring two-way to one-sided 🥱

I did it. New shiny thread right here:

Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4668100-dating-thread-235-gird-those-loins-for-november