Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

Interesting threads here.
I have postgrad degree but would never specify education level as my exh has A levels not uni and was fab until he (eventually) wasn’t and that was nothing to do with education. Regular readers will know I am in a complicated relationship with someone I adore but who has multiple issues that only this thread and good RL female friends help me to sustain -he has 2 GCSEs -totally irrelevant-he is actually the most curious and intellectually stimulating person I know.
Broken stick - @howlongwillthistake I absolutely love sexual activity with this person although by all normal measures and expectations it should be ‘disappointing’ but he reaches places that others never have because of how I feel about him.

Ooh ...are there 2 of me?
Is there a
'Howlongwillthistake'
And a
'howlongwillthistake'
I can't for the life of me see where I've commented...very random 🤣

@DoomsdayPrep
…just a fortune-hunting vintage incel who got very very angry when I told him my secure financial situation might soon change.

wow… nightmare. Thank goodness he was so stupid you saw his game

Aww @JangolinaPitt …I think him being culturally curious and a really amazing person make up for sexual prowess…although he makes you feel like no one else…Dream man. Enjoy

Worsy
hang on in there with HRT. You will feel a lot better soon and if you don’t, they can change your protocol.
This is a month of adjustments and finding your feet
any news from Balkan?

Mila14

i will hang in there , doctor warned me its a bit rocky to start with .

not a peep ! Balkan wise . Nothing from me and nothing from him . It’s occurring to me that maybe I also made him a bit anxious too . Either way it’s becoming a bit clearer to me that his issues on top of my many issues wasn’t healthy and I have some messed up relationship habits

Another big fan of the old HRT here @Thisisworsethananticpated - are you on the bio-identical hormones as (I don't know the details) but they're meant to be easier on the body. I went private for the first couple of prescriptions but then switched over to my GP and get it all from the NHS now. It's a game-changer and used that (and microdosing ahem) to get me off SSRIs post-divorce etc.

No real dating news here. Seeing MrN this weekend, coming up to 5 months since we met. Still having sporadic FWB with MrM and feeling mostly calm about it all. Not sure if there's any correlation but this is the first time I've felt vaguely serene in a dating context and think something about the set up is stopping any fear of abandonment and over-investing setting in on my part - can clearly see how normally as soon as something starts with someone, I would drop all other chats, focus with laser-intensity on the one person, and expect them to be the answer to all my problems. (They never are.)

Thanks for the thread - checking in.

Mr HS2 is not really an iron anymore.
He cancelled Monday's meet/date as his children's younger brother was poorly and went to hospital so he looked after his kids.
He had also previously cancelled a tentative meet 2 weeks ago.
So I'm feeling meh about him, he did ask to reschedule to next Thursday when he is back but I'm not feeling it.
I'm not messaging him and will see if he messages but is working away on night shift until next week.

I'm on Bumble😱
A few chats going but nothing of any note.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs that dropping of others' chats and laser intensity is what I have done too in the past up until now and it's the opposite of recommended best practice isn't it. I will keep chats, swipings & multiple irons going from now. You're right they never are the answer.

A phone chat with Mr Art left me cold last night. Despite jolly and pleasant it was 100% one sided (him obvs) & I am absolutely out.

Have had a match and some great funny texts with a new one (who will be Mr Curly if his keenness to meet irl materialises) which happened just as I was about to delete the apps in disappointment at the lack of interesting fellas to swipe right on. Another eleventybillion swipes left.

I think I'll only do swiping every weekend or fortnight to let newcomers join. Daily is a bit soul destroying. What frequency do others do swiping?

That's a shame @Thisisworsethananticpated re Balkan but maybe a gentle fade away is the best way?

That's a shame re HS2 @SortingItOut they say if he's not actively chasing then he's not really into it so just as well you are feeling ambivalent?

What is it with all these meh men not being totally into great women when they get the opportunity?
Is this what people describe as emotionally unavailable?

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

IF and WHEN I go back online I’d def reduce the sweeping to not be daily . I didn’t like that I was sat with son on bloody hinge (or WhatsApp ) all the time

SortingItOut
disappointing that HS2 has cooled but I suppose it’s too good to be true after such a split that you’d find someone nice so quickly 😑

ibelieveinmirrorballs
as you know I’m deeply envious of your set up , but I just couldn’t manage two . I could barely manage one . Anyway I had a sex dream about my EX ! Fortunately I woke up before things went too far . That was weird 😩 those hormones hey

@Thisisworsethananticpated - definitely DON'T go on the testosterone... sex dreams will be the least of your worries if you do... I've had to delicately come off mine, put it that way...

I don't know how long my set up will last (or feel functional/positive - it does mostly at the moment) - but it also seems to take up far less head space than previous dating experiences... I speak to MrM about once a week/10 days with occasional text exchanges, and with MrM we have a video call every couple of days for an hour and text check ins regularly.... but neither of them involve massive ongoing banter sessions etc - there's nothing frantic about either... as I say it's a first and early days <can't help feeling like I'm tempting fate by even thinking things are stable >

I try to keep several chats going to avoid over investment but in reality once I have a real interest in someone Iet the others slip away 🤦‍♀️ I'm currently chatting with another iron that I matched with at same time as Mr medic but we haven't met and I can't muster the enthusiasm now

Talking of mr medic, we've just arranged to squeeze a coffee date in for this afternoon as we both finish a bit earlier today so I can nip out before kids get home from school 😁

@Slothmomma I have no idea how to avoid doing just that... when you meet someone you're interested in, firstly it feels wrong (to me) to continue chatting to others and secondly I just lose interest. But this thing of multi-dating until you've really assessed the person you're interested in and can see that they are worthy of being in a relationship with, rather than latching onto their interest and trying to convince them that THEY should want to be exclusively in a relationship with you......... that is what I do every time. I know I should switch it round and hold off 'giving' them the exclusivity/relationship until I'm sure, but never ever do, because I convince myself I'm sure straight away that they're the best bet.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yes no testosterone for me
I’m peri horny enough as it is 😂
in fact I’m hoping this HRT will slow things down during my fallow mental growth and discovery period

@ibelieveinmirrorballs that's a big ditto from me on all of that re letting others slip away based on the facts not the actual of a new fella.

@Slothmomma ooooooo you'll be all hot under the collar on the school run how great. Then again on Sunday with birthday in between. Nice work!

No worrie @SortingItOut …you can se he is unreliable. If he wants to meet and you are available ( I.e. don’t have any other iron and fancy a cup of coffee) you could meet. Bumble is the way to go now 😘

Totally right attitude @ibelieveinmirrorballs . I do over invest either because I keep seeing Mr Ex. I'm coming out of wanting him sexually and more like a close friend and a few smooches and kisses. But we do keep a healthy text messaging routine.

I will se Mr Euro tonight and looking forward to that but he’s a total question mark. I know very little and I have not checked him yet but I meet him at 5 in Uber posh place and can run away straight if I am not feeling it. I have the feeling he is ok. Tone of messages is super polite old school gent

Mr T, the English guy with awesome sense of humour. I had him in the back burner and was not messaging him at all. Suddenly, last night , he started to text me a lot and even fessed up about his last break up 2 years ago. I was mean and wanted to know. He broke up with her while being in love. She wanted more ( marriage) he didn’t. Massive red flag because he let her get away. The marriage thing is ridiculous though but he let her get away while being in love.
I was marvelled at how personal the conversation went and then he wanted to know my story with my ex husband and after and what happened. I clammed up and was too tired to chat. I don’t think I will meet him

Oncey… MrArt is not really living to expectations so good to focus on Mr Curly.
I downloaded Thursday app in the morning and deleted it after 1 hour. What is the point of that app. Total shit.
I have no one to swipe right on Bumble so keeping patient

Perihorny is how I feel too Worsy shame we don't have an ever day shag…and with kids and our busy lives … and not having the right man for that…
I am in the contraceptive pill as HRT prep. So I am still bleeding regularly. I am not able to go bio identical until I reach full on meno.

Slothy, I also end up dropping the other/s irons and focus on the front runner to be honest. in a way we just have the brain cells and energY for one only when we start meeting him

The real change in behaviour I’ve noticed is that I no longer want to sleep with MrEX but I love dressing up and going for dinner or to the theatre or whatever with him around twice a month. Always on my no kids weeks

Ms Unique has cancelled our Saturday Date 1 which doesn't hugely bother me.

I reckon that there is about a 30% chance that a first date will be cancelled.

@Mila14 why is it a red flag that MrA let her get away? If he didn’t want marriage and she did then he was doing the decent thing, surely?

@TobyEsterhase that sounds like the right thing for both of you.. onwards!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss glad you’ve seen the light with MrArt and are swiping. Self-obsession (or rather, a lack of real interest by asking questions) is not a good sign.

Yeah MrArt is effectively dead to me. I'm glad I sent the Dear John. I'm glad it prompted him to explain he'd been dealing with a catastrophe but when I spoke to him last night I told him his change in comms started before the disaster and then we had a non-two way pleasant chat after which he did not text 'Lush to spk' he did not text at all and therefore I'm not interested due to his lack of interest (which is subtly different to him being disinterested and me being confused or wishing he was). I just don't care. On paper he ticked many many boxes but ultimately I want to be with a man who thinks I'm marv as well as ticking some or all of the paper tickboxes.
His loss.
Im not quite at the block and delete stage. Mainly because I genuinely do look after other people's feelings (quite often putting them ahead of my own).

Have a local non descript chattee who seems nice enough but probs a bit hum drum for me but who's to say. I'll give him a name if we meet up.

Oncey…I think you are a lovely person. Its his loss anyway. I think deleting is my preferred option when I can’t be bothered with someone
@ibelieveinmirrorballs …MrT seems like a really good guy. He told me he's been in love 3 times. I am not sure also because he’s not in London but 35 miles away. I think we will first video chat and take it from there. He’s been thoroughly checked in linked in etc unlike Mr Euro
@TobyEsterhase … I have not had any date cancelled yet. I would be mightily pissed off. I don’t have much time and plan carefully.