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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

998 replies

BelladiMamma · 06/10/2022 09:43

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

OP posts:
Definitelycross · 29/10/2022 09:52

Happy birthday @NoDatingForOldMen sounds like you're in for a hell of a present.
And I'd say it's credit to you that she's now feeling confident enough to be like that with you.
It's the DTD stuff that really panics me

Definitelycross · 29/10/2022 09:53

@BelladiMamma I'm sorry. But in my sons words - we go again.

I hope you're feeling better about it soon.

Definitelycross · 29/10/2022 09:56

Well one of my irons from Match who lives in England messaged me (WhatsApp) last night at 10.30pm.
How do they not think you realise what they're up to?
I ignored it (very proud) then replied this morning saying I'd been out. Reality tucked up in bed - am so rock'n'roll.

Good luck to any dates this weekend.

Mollymolloy · 29/10/2022 10:19

@Mila14 Thanks for the advice. Good luck with MrF… it is always the quiet ones!

Happy Birthday @NoDatingForOldMen!! Sounds like you are going to having a great day. Lucky sod!! Thanks for the advice… I will just have to be patient then..

Mollymolloy · 29/10/2022 12:50

Ok… so date with iron no 2 yesterday went ok. He was a nice guy, we had plenty in common but, no spark. He wants to meet up again.

Am I being too hasty in dismissing him? Perhaps, without the awkwardness, it might be better?

What is your criteria for a second date it is it just gut feel?

Mollymolloy · 29/10/2022 12:51

*or us it..

ButterflyOfShay · 29/10/2022 13:00

Mila14 · 29/10/2022 08:25

Butterfly …nothing wrong with developing a crush but be careful not to get hurt and if he’s attached …it’s definitely dangerous territory because more people can get hurt. If it’s an innocent crush and makes you feel perky there’s nowt wrong with it 😊

@Mila14 💕💕🥰

ButterflyOfShay · 29/10/2022 13:02

Happy birthday @NoDatingForOldMen 🥳🥳

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:10

Mila14 · 29/10/2022 07:21

I don’t know about frequency Bella…but I am in London so you get more chances perhaps. I use Bumble. I’m sorry about MrD, he was a long standing FWB for you but you were already looking around a bit and unsure about keeping the arrangement so I hope you are ok
@Mollymolloy …I have been on very nice dates too but no chemistry. I think it’s good to get out there and see what works for you any way

MrD was a relationship partner but we had an agreement to be open.

It seems to me that in frequency terms you do very well! All off bumble..?! Are you central or suburbs?

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:12

Mila14 · 29/10/2022 08:22

I’m really getting a bit bothered by the lack of banter of MrF. It’s too goody good shoes. Perhaps because we will not meet until next Friday I am getting jitters? I have never ever dated someone so serious by text or on the phone. I have to admit it is a relief I don’t need to constantly answer texts with ever sexier or wittier remarks and I am also aware we still have not DTD so it’s a bit weird to say we “miss miss” each other. But he’s too courteous, he does not compliment me and this is totally new territory for me.
I have to admit that the super banter guys and over appreciative ones never amounted to more than a date or not so good sex. I’m conflicted because in one way I love it he’s restrained while being considerate (he calls me everyday and wants to know about my life and my kids etc and he shares his too). I don’t know how to gage passion. But I know when we are together he’s all over me like a rash… I guess I will just have to be patient
His ex wife was also Euro and quite fiery for the little he’s told me about her.

Maybe he's just waiting to get to know you? A few hours in someone's company and you start to shower them with compliments would be a red flag 🚩 for me

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:14

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 29/10/2022 09:14

Hi 👋 @BelladiMamma I'm sorry to hear that and hope you are ok with the parting of ways.

I've used Bumble and Tinder
Used to have an absolute principle of swiping left on any profile with no words written. If you can't be bothered to write a short para about yourself then I'm not interested but both my date0 tonight (MrLocal) and previous red hot iron of last weekends bonkathon slipped through the net as neither had words. Just some quite rubbish pictures. Both fairly nearby though.

Thanks for your kind words. It's been awful but I've been getting some great support and now I need to start the difficult process of self examination and learning to recover ...

Ha ha I love that your policy changed and now you have two dates! It's all a bit random isn't it

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:15

Stepcount · 29/10/2022 09:19

@BelladiMamma sorry to hear that you and Mr D have parted company. Hope you are feeling okay about it, 💐

Possibly one of my worst ever break ups but these things are always hard. He hasn't exactly covered himself in glory during the break up so I think it was the right thing in the end

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:16

Mollymolloy · 29/10/2022 12:50

Ok… so date with iron no 2 yesterday went ok. He was a nice guy, we had plenty in common but, no spark. He wants to meet up again.

Am I being too hasty in dismissing him? Perhaps, without the awkwardness, it might be better?

What is your criteria for a second date it is it just gut feel?

I'd go again with an open mind but maybe a 'we could be friends mindset'

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:17

@Definitelycross @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers thanks for your kind words. Really appreciate it 🧡

OP posts:
Mollymolloy · 29/10/2022 13:33

i hope that you feel better soon. Take care ❤️

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:50

Mollymolloy · 29/10/2022 13:33

i hope that you feel better soon. Take care ❤️

Thank you. It's been tough and I'm two weeks in 🧡

OP posts:
Mila14 · 29/10/2022 14:11

Oh Bella…I really didn’t know MrD was so special to you. Take your time to grieve it and don’t be hard on yourself. Perhaps dating again will make you feel lighter and self confident but only you can tel if you are ready to meet someone. Time is great ally. You start seeing things very differently. Were things not ok and that precipitated the break up or was it all of a sudden?

Stepcount · 29/10/2022 14:43

@BelladiMamma I am really sorry to hear how tough the break up has been. I think for those of us who have negotiated our way carefully into new relationships we do so knowing that we are taking a bit of our gamble with our emotions/well being. But is there an alternative? Past hurt and sadness I think can accumulate and resurface at times like this. Hopefully you are drawing strength and comfort from your family and friends.

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 29/10/2022 15:36

BelladiMamma · 29/10/2022 13:17

@Definitelycross @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers thanks for your kind words. Really appreciate it 🧡

@BelladiMamma you're very welcome 🧡

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 29/10/2022 17:27

@Mollymolloy I would give him another shot and see what happens after the second date ❤️

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/10/2022 18:17

NoDatingForOldMen

happy birthday !!! Sounds like a very nice evening is on the cards

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/10/2022 18:19

BelladiMamma

oh no . Im sorry to hear that it’s ended
and ended badly

that’s tough
look after yourself
friends , exercise , and let it all out

maybe let the bruises heal before you hit the apps again ?

NoDatingForOldMen · 29/10/2022 18:48

Thanks all for the B day wishes, Have been visiting my Mum today it’s NoFunForOldMen until next weekend, but unwrapping my present should be fun !

@Mollymolloy Personally I would say go for it, my 1st date with NoShow was a bit flat, but they got better.

@BelladiMamma sorry to read it’s ended, hope your doing okay, NoShow & myself almost finished over the summer but we ( me really), kept in contact and kept things rumbling along.

I don’t really have anything to offer on here now, but might “lurk” ( is that the right phrase).

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 29/10/2022 18:49

Happy birthday @NoDatingForOldMen 🍾🥂🥳🥳

NoDatingForOldMen · 29/10/2022 18:51

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers Thanks, how’s the match dating going ?