Anyone finding their feet after marriage ended?

[Chocolatepencil]

Hello, just thought I’d see if anyone is still relatively new in finding their feet after their marriage ended?

The separation from him was fairly easy to deal with as it had got toxic but the breakdown of my family unit is something I’ve struggled with - although getting there - and looking forward to Christmas!

Any one care to join a thread about it? ☕

@Always4Brenner its great how strong, happy and determined you are feeling.. like others have said its common for men to react like this, they get so used to you being a doormat that when you up and leave they get a shock, men don't believe a woman will leave, why would she as she hasn't left so far. Definitely turn off your phone or block or buy a burner phone thats just for him and put it in a drawer. Don't let him have any control over you now or else you might as well still be in that relationship with him. I'm so happy you're happy 😊
My stbx has finally got a place, well his parents sorted it all for him of course. Found out last night and spiralled a bit, went on a 10pm walk to calm me. Cried a bit and feel very down today which is a shame at xmas half term but better days are coming. I have to go through this to be free and get to the other side. Trauma bonds and attachment issues are strong though.

I’m going to ignore calls from him for now and I’m changing my hairdresser’s as well so I don’t travel to my old town bingo I’ll have miss for a few months untill things get easier and he’s not hoping I go back to him. Thank you anyway.

I’m feeling so much better made my decision sticking to it phone calls ignored. New Christmas tree and a 1000 lights for it going up this afternoon with Christmas music on.

So we always go to my sisters on Christmas Eve, have done every year since forever. My ex’s dad lives a distance from us and usually comes up for Christmas week, this year he suggested a meal on Christmas Eve, suggesting a lunch or evening meal. My ex says he would take the kids to see his dad and I’d then take them to see my sister in the evening.

He’s just told me (because I asked) that the meal with his dad is an evening thing - booked and paid for. So my kids won’t be here to see my sister (who has also bought in food etc), I won’t be able to go and see her because I wouldn’t be back in time for the kids coming home and getting settled for Christmas Eve - the kids have been looking forward to seeing both parts of the family and now won’t see my sister. I’m absolutely fucking furious. And I’ll need to sort things with my sister, and rearrange my plans so they see her and can exchange gifts etc.

Fucking seriously. I know exactly what’s happened - I usually do all the arrangements so he won’t have got back to his dad to express a preference for time so they’ll have booked the evening as being most convenient for them and he’ll have fallen into line. Didn’t think to tell me though so I could make other plans in advance.

Merry Fucking Christmas is all I can say. I am still spiralling since finding out about his house, I was mostly up and now I've not stopped feeling sick and panicked. Can't smile for the kids and its xmas eve eve. I know it has to be done etc but its so scary and final. I just wish I was through the mythical other side that people tell us about. Can't wait for kids to get picked up so I can cry 😭

Having a shitty time here too.

STBXH messaged me earlier saying that he'd cancelled our monthly delivery saver and told me to get my own club card. I went mad because our whole family stuff is on there, it's registered to our home address, he moved out, it makes sense for him to just get a new one. In return, he has been absolutely vile to me. I said some nasty things too, but he did this. He is angry with his financial situation and is blaming me, but he chose to have an affair. He could have stopped it at any point and he didn't. I've had a terrible evening.

Im going to block him from now until after the Xmas period because he makes me so unhappy when I have to liaise with him and it's going to ruin my Xmas even more than he already has done. Dd is with him now but due back in a bit. I need to stop sobbing before then.

@ThePredictableScript, I hope you feel better now? This is such a hideous rollercoaster. I am also desperate to reach the other side but am only 2 months in. I think we might all feel a little better when spring comes around. Xmas is tough, winter is shit. Roll on happier times 😫 X

Hugs all of you I’m ignoring calls now if any come through, also scammer keeps trying so he’s blocked reported dickhead.

I was told yesterday that ex narcissistic twat ex husband "doesn't remember" who I am.

I don't even have the words to describe how I'm feeling. (He also owes me almost £2k which probably falls into his selective amnesia)
Thinking of all of us at a very tricky time of year.

@ThePredictableScript sorry you’re struggling. It truly is shit putting on a brave face and suppressing emotions. It can’t be healthy. I hope you can escape for 10 minutes to have a good cry.

@bethatgirl that's awful behaviour. What a total pig. I hope you managed to calm down and stop crying.

I haven’t seen my DC since Wednesday so can’t wait to see them today. Been for a walk as I’m feeling sad and lonely. And just typing that out is acknowledging those feelings. Seen lots of families out, all excited for Xmas and it’s lovely for them, but I just feel so alone. Friends have been amazing to me but they have their own partners and families to take care of, so need to pull my big girl pants up and be alone and learn to be ok with that.

I never do a Xmas Eve box but have done one for DC.

merry Christmas everyone. I hope you all power through. 💐

Kids still aren't back, they are back at 2 and then I'm taking them to a panto. Its been so rough. Feel sick and knotted up. Hes coming to drop the presents tonight when kids are in bed and I'm tempted to speak to him. I'm just in such a panicked state. I knew this would happen though once he got his new house. I'm hoping that all these emotions pass and I'll be ok again. @Emptyinsidetothecore must be hard not seeing your DC since Wednesday, I bet the elation you will feel when you see them will be amazing! Yeah its bittersweet seeing happy families, nobody escapes the ups and downs of life though, they may be smiling today but who knows what past they had or whats waiting round the corner for them. Everything is temporary, happiness and sadness. @bethatgirl yes definitely block him and enjoy your Christmas. Amen to spring!

My ex has the kids this morning and then I’m going over soon to open presents together. Will be strange I’m sure, it’s hard to get used to this new life. However trying to look on the bright side it has been a much more relaxed Christmas morning so far than it would have been if the kids were here!

Thinking of all of you having a difficult time and hoping things get better x

I did manage to pull myself together and I have blocked him and I feel better for it knowing that I won't hear from him over the Xmas period.

My eldest dd is 20 and she got the three of us matching Xmas pj's and socks for Xmas eve which was lovely and my youngest got in bed with me too last night. Just waiting for them to wake up.

Very hard seeing happy families out and about yesterday and knowing that won't be us anymore. I feel maybe the lead up to Xmas might have been worse than yesterday and today.

I hope you all have a lovely day today, merry Christmas.

Evening everyone, hope today had been ok and not too painful.

I finally got dc back yesterday and dd, within 10 minutes, picked a fight with me and we had a crap 90 minutes there after. I just sobbed in front of her. She’d been away for 3 days and took her emotions out on me, which is perfectly understandable but wasn’t nice to be on the receiving end. We were fine after and had a lovely evening.

this morning was too tough for me, we waited for STBEH and opened presents together and then she went to his for a few hours. I just cried and cried. Was really sad and felt it was so final that this is now our life at Christmas - all our traditions gone. I went for a walk on my own. My DM has been amazing, brought and cooked dinner and by the time I got back, my DC were back after an hour so felt lots better.

Roll on 2023. I’m being told by multiple people who’ve gone through this, it can’t get worse than now, and next year will be better 😌 I just need to get through the next few days, which will be tough too as not got Dc from tomorrow for 2 days 😢

Happy Christmas hugs to all of you having a bad time. I realise how very lucky I’ve been this Christmas.

Happy Christmas. Mine not as bad as I thought. Cried more in the run up than today. But yesterday I lost my rag too @Emptyinsidetothecore . Just all the emotions, and they are playing up too, not their fault but it's hard. You imagine a picture postcard when they're back and frankly it can be draining and so so hard. Mine are also either tired, hungry or both due to lack of routine and general thought at stbeh house. It's hard. We had a few good hours then back to his. Thank goodness for wine, chocolate and movies. Xx

Marking my place
Very much in need of people who are in similar position

Since we've split up H has been the person i married. The husband and father I knew I could be
So where's he been for 15 years then????
Messaged me with lovely promises and happier times
Sadly reality hasn't changed

Well I slept with ex last night.. he came to be there in morning for kids but the inevitable happened. Just a combo of Christmas and him getting his new house which spiralled me. He was meant to be coming back this evening but I put a stop to it and have drawn a line as otherwise my head will get mashed. My head is mashed. Worst time of the year for a seperation for sure. Hope you're all ok and roll on the new year😃

Oh no that’s not good. I hope you’re ok. How was he afterwards?

The line “having his cake and eating it” comes to mind. He’s left but you’re giving him what he wants without any of the responsibility of being a husband / dad etc don’t give him that gift.

Unless this is a reconciliation, it isn’t a good idea to do it again.

big hugs 💐💐

This has been such a hard few days. Xmas at mine with kids, STBEXH , his brother and all the cousins. The kids had a good day and it was amicable between us. But I just sobbed and sobbed when I went to bed. The DC have gone to him for the rest of the week now and I just hate being in this empty house without them. I feel drained and sad. This is not the life I imagined after 17 years together. I do not want to be apart from my children. Even though they are teens and do their own thing I miss thier presence.

@Emptyinsidetothecore my friends have said similar so I am hopeful for a positive future. I know things will get better.

it really hit me yesterday how much everything has changed, that all the routines of our lives, holidays, birthdays, they will all look different now. This really feels overwhelming at times. I just need to remember change is always unsettling and often things change for the better.

There is no way I would want to get back with H but it is hard to let go of a life you’ve built together. Especially when moments of Xmas felt normal and then I had to remember the reality.

I hope everyone is managing to feel some peace and have some calm and happy moments amoungst the difficult ones. 🍷 🍫 📺 💐

@ThePredictableScript I hope you are ok- that sounds really hard. Sounds like you are looking after yourself and putting clear boundaries up. Keep on keeping on

I’ve sobbed today @threeandmeandthedog as DC also gone to their dad. The future is going to be so different. As you say, birthdays, holidays and school events. I don’t want any of this.

I feel so lonely today and despite lots of friends and family, I don’t want to socialise nor do I want to put my depressive state on to them. I went for a walk which I love, but I just felt so unhappy seeing so many families out and about.

I am curled up on the sofa, watching Spooks box set, and feeling sorry for myself.

@Emptyinsidetothecore I think it’s probably a good thing to have a good sob- it let’s it all out and helps process things.

I have been invited to friends and am really not in the mood but might force myself just to get out of the house. At the same time I also want to learn to feel ok and comfortable with being home alone. One step at a time though. Hope you feel a bit better and Spooks provides a good distraction.

Hugs all of you suffering I did my suffering last year and before that so this year for me has been fantastic but my heart aches for all of you in sad places missing children. May we get through these last days of 2022 together onwards into a new year.

I've only just got up. Haven't eaten all day and am just feeling awful that my kids see me in this state.
They have a much better time with their dad at Christmas and that breaks me every year.

But hooray that this shitty (for me and lots of everyone else in this thread) year is nearly over.