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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mum on a date - no contact!

336 replies

Shouldiworryaboutthis · 24/09/2022 21:45

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Pepsipepsi · 24/09/2022 21:46

Phone her or go and see her.

year3k · 24/09/2022 21:46

That would worry me. Have you tried calling? Does she live far away?

FiloPasty · 24/09/2022 21:46

How far do you live? maybe she’s had such a good time she’s forgotten.
I can panic a bit though so might pop over!

Thestagshead · 24/09/2022 21:48

I don’t know as I don’t know her. Is this unusual for her?

a lot of people in that age range are very promiscuous, my male friend is in line dating and it’s surprising the amount of women who shag him fairly immediately, of course he is shagging them immedately.

so if she’s that sort then no, but if she’s normally cautious then yes. As she invites random round, im thinking she’s fine, sorry op.

puddingandsun · 24/09/2022 21:48

What time was the date arranged for?

If they met at lunch time then she should've had plenty of time to come back to you after the date.

Thestagshead · 24/09/2022 21:49

puddingandsun · 24/09/2022 21:48

What time was the date arranged for?

If they met at lunch time then she should've had plenty of time to come back to you after the date.

Well it could still be going on…

Ylvamoon · 24/09/2022 21:50

Call her or go to her house.

She's probably having a great time and forgot about you... or worse for you something trivial like phone is flat ...

CornishTiger · 24/09/2022 21:51

Is it unusual for her to be rubbish with her phone. What platform are you messaging her on? Can you pop over?

santorinii · 24/09/2022 21:54

One of my colleagues is your mum’s age and has a significantly more interesting dating life than I do. It could be the case that she’s still with him and they’re being intimate. Equally that may not be your mum’s personality, could be an innocent explanation like maybe her battery has lost charge or she’s home safe but asleep.

I agree with calling her or going around to alleviate your worries. I think everyone would be worried about a family member or friend who went on a lunch date with someone they met online and hasn’t been in touch since.

SuperlativeOxymoron · 24/09/2022 21:54

Depends, is she usuallu quite reliable with messaging?
Personally I'd give her a buzz or pop over.

Original poster
Shouldiworryaboutthis · 24/09/2022 21:57

I can’t go over she’s too far and I have children in bed. If I don’t hear back by the morning, I’ll drive over. Her phone is ringing but no answer, so not a flat battery. It was meant to be around lunchtime but when we spoke she hadn’t confirmed a definite time, he was not from the area.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 24/09/2022 22:01

I wouldn’t be waiting til morning. Bundle the kids up if you must.

reader12 · 24/09/2022 22:02

I would be worried. Can you call a neighbour or the police to go check she’s ok?

Gloriosity · 24/09/2022 22:03

I wouldn’t be able to leave that till morning.

topcat2014 · 24/09/2022 22:06

She's 50s not 90 is she not allowed a life?

Paintonthesmile · 24/09/2022 22:06

You need to try and contact a neighbour or one of her friends.

Pepsipepsi · 24/09/2022 22:07

I wouldn't wait either, especially if she usually keeps in contact.
I would also ask someone to check and if there no one to ask phone non emergency police to check. A person doesn't have to be missing for 24 hours before you can report it.

TwinkleChristmas · 24/09/2022 22:08

How far away is she? Put the kids in the car.

SenoritaNaturista · 24/09/2022 22:08

Do you know any of her friends locally, or neighbours that you could call?

minticecreamisjustok · 24/09/2022 22:09

Try not to panic, anything sinister is very rare, perhaps it went very well and still enjoying his company.
I'm imagining you turning up and she's in bed with him. She isn't a missing person yet and chances are she is fine.

Original poster
Shouldiworryaboutthis · 24/09/2022 22:09

I don’t know if I’m worrying though. I’ve just called again and left another message to let me know she’s home safe but at the same time I don’t want to bombard her if they potentially are being intimate, as was suggested. She doesn’t always check her phone when she goes out and sometimes she’ll leave her phone in her bag and go to bed.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 24/09/2022 22:09

I'd be worrying too. Very odd not to have had the chance to check your phone in ten hours.

ofwarren · 24/09/2022 22:09

Hmm, I would be concerned about this if she is usually one to keep in touch.
Do you know anyone nearer who can pop round?

Original poster
Shouldiworryaboutthis · 24/09/2022 22:10

@minticecreamisjustok I do have a key to her house but as you say, I wouldn’t want to potentially interrupt anything.

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 24/09/2022 22:12

Can you contact one of her friends? Or a local family member?

I wouldn't leave it overnight, just in case.