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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mum on a date - no contact!

336 replies

Shouldiworryaboutthis · 24/09/2022 21:45

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 25/09/2022 07:13

Hope all ok and she’d just fallen asleep

MrsLargeEmbodied · 25/09/2022 07:14

her phone may be ringing but as a mother i know that means nothing, it could be on silent, it could be left on the bus
i am sure she will be fine op, there will be an explanation

WalkingOnTheCracks · 25/09/2022 07:25

.

girlmom21 · 25/09/2022 07:28

I'd head over as soon as the kids are up if she hasn't got back to you yet. Yes you might find her in a compromising position but it's best to be safe.

CatsandFish · 25/09/2022 07:33

WalkingOnTheCracks · 25/09/2022 07:25

.

@WalkingOnTheCracks Please click on Watch this thread instead of taking up a post rudely with just a ' . ' .

WalkingOnTheCracks · 25/09/2022 07:44

CatsandFish · 25/09/2022 07:33

@WalkingOnTheCracks Please click on Watch this thread instead of taking up a post rudely with just a ' . ' .

Show quote history

Ah, okay. Thank you.

FuckeryOmbudsman · 25/09/2022 07:52

OP's not tracking her!

She is concerned that someone who undertook to ring in once home safely had not done so

No point in making safety arrangements if the person you're making them with is going to flake and just assume you're having a good time

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/09/2022 08:05

She's a grown woman! Maybe she's just enjoying a bit of the man she's with.

Back off a bit. You sound WAY too involved in your Mother's love-life. Icky.

Dolphinnoises · 25/09/2022 08:07

The fact it’s her mum is neither here nor there. It would be the same if it was a sister. If anyone arranges to check in as part of their safety plan after an online date, then doesn’t, of course it’s worrying…

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 25/09/2022 08:15

That does sound worrying OP. Hope you are on your way to see your mum. Lets hope there is a simple explanation and shes just lost her phone. Or had the best night. Sending you hugs

ILoveYoga · 25/09/2022 08:18

It is Worthing because she said she would text you and there’s been no communication. If he’d been a no show, surely mum would e called to talk about that.

it I’d the saying she’d contact you and not, followed by can’t get in touch with her.

hope she called or text.

Otherwise now that it is morning, I’d be listing the kids in the car fot a trip to see grandma p

Aussiegirl88 · 25/09/2022 08:22

Any uodate OP is your mum ok?

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/09/2022 08:25

redtshirt50 · 25/09/2022 06:12

Shes 50 years old, not 90 and senile. You don’t need to be tracking her and while it would have been nice for her to message you she’s probably just forgotten.

Asking the police to do a welfare check is massive overreaction. Especially when the likelihood is she’s just fallen asleep.

Imagine if the date has gone really well and then the police turn up to do a welfare check - it would 99% scare the poor guy off.

Totally agree. I can't believe the police would do a welfare check on a mature adult who has gone out on a date. I didn't feel the need to tell my daughter about my every move when I was in my 50s.

Downunderduchess · 25/09/2022 08:29

Age has nothing to do with it. I’m 56, I message my sister when I get home from her place via Uber etc. She asks me to. And I check in on her in similar situations. It’s standard practice in this day & age. Nothing to do with the OP being nosy or over protective.

All it takes is a 2 word message “I’m home”. End of.

GiltEdges · 25/09/2022 08:31

Dolphinnoises · 25/09/2022 08:07

The fact it’s her mum is neither here nor there. It would be the same if it was a sister. If anyone arranges to check in as part of their safety plan after an online date, then doesn’t, of course it’s worrying…

Except it doesn’t sound like it was part of a pre-arranged “safety plan”. The one who wanted it wasn’t OPs mum, but OP herself. Perhaps her mum found that slightly infantilising and was, in any case, too busy having a nice time to remember 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bullshot · 25/09/2022 08:31

I would be happy that someone felt worried enough about me to check up.

any news OP?

Frazzledmummy123 · 25/09/2022 08:36

I actually can't believe some posts in here saying op shouldn't be worried and should 'let her mum enjoy herself'. How ignorant. There are totally grounds for concern here.

EasterIssland · 25/09/2022 08:39

any news op? hope shes been in touch

TimeForMeToF1y · 25/09/2022 08:40

maddy68 · 24/09/2022 23:19

Don't worry until tomorrow. She is an adult and sounds as if she is having a good time

How does not contacting someone you said you'd contact sound like having a good time?

How would you identify the silence of no contact because something awful had happened?

Recently a friend didn't hear from her son who'd said he would call her after a night out, turned out he'd been in a serious car accident. She couldn't tell the difference between the two types of no contact

itsgettingweird · 25/09/2022 08:42

I don't think I'd even tell someone I was going!

I hate people knowing my every move and private life.

But I'd meet somewhere public and leave them at the public place and travel home alone.

I understand OP that you've been worried and tried to tell your mum how she should manage these dates etc. And the advice about not taking them home is sound.

However she's in her 50's. Perhaps she wants to live her own life and take her own risks? Just because things are risky doesn't mean people don't have a right to make an informed choice to do it anyway.

As I've got older I've begun to realise those things in life that make the news about being risky are statistically less likely to happen than those things I do daily which are also a risk but I'd never actively consider too risky and stop.

Hope you manage to get in contact soon.

elliesmummy19 · 25/09/2022 08:42

I hope everything is ok, OP!

Sushi7 · 25/09/2022 08:43

I understand you’re worried OP, but you sound like a middle aged woman who’s over protective about her 17 year old Dd 😁 I’m assuming you’re sending her messages on WhatsApp so you can see if she’s read them. Maybe she doesn’t have wifi. A traditional text would’ve been better. Regardless, you should’ve left her alone because she’s a grown woman and probably having a great time!

TockClicking · 25/09/2022 08:43

Hope all is ok.

findthewayhome · 25/09/2022 08:44

Hope you get some news soon, must be worrying.

5128gap · 25/09/2022 08:45

GiltEdges · 25/09/2022 08:31

Except it doesn’t sound like it was part of a pre-arranged “safety plan”. The one who wanted it wasn’t OPs mum, but OP herself. Perhaps her mum found that slightly infantilising and was, in any case, too busy having a nice time to remember 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Well if a woman reaches the age of 50 and is still so naive about the world that she invites strange men into her home, or as childish as some on this thread moaning about being 'checked up on' and saying they wouldn't go along with basic safety measures to make some daft rebellious point, she is behaving like an infant.